how to forget and forgive
 

Hi All,

In the passed few months I came here to read the threads and gave out advices to people and never thought that one day I might need everyone else's advices about my love life issues, until now, I am really sad and hurt at this moment.
I am living with my bf, we knew each other online, and after dating for a few months I let him moved in with me, he was a great guy, love & care so much for me, he was willing to do anything for me, he would call me at work whenever he has any chances but not lately, we have lived together for almost two year, but in the past couple of months, he has changed a lots, he didn't care about me anymore, all of his time was online and play video games, I felt left out and lonely, just stay home on the weekend, cook or cleaned up the house, I felt like he doesn't love me anymore, he always complained about everything lately which he has never done that before, and the weird thing about is, if I am in the room, he is either sleep or watch TV, but if I am not, then he was always online, and I was guessing that he probably online chatting with girls, so last week I went into vietforlove website and saw his profile posted there and saying he is looking for someone nice and cute, I didn't say anything to him, but I also created one of my own and send him an email, he replied and gave me his real name and cell number and asked me to call him so we can get to know each other better, he didn't know it was me, then I replied back to him and asked if he has a gf, and told him I will call him the next day, which is just Saturday, so we went to the movies as planned, but on the way I block my cell and dial his number, he didn't pick up the phone, of course not, cuz I was with him, so b4 the movies we went to shopping and I can see his attitude was changed, his mind was not with me, I went in to the store and bought some stuffs, he sat on the bench, when I walked out and saw him put his cell phone away, I knew that he was expecting for that person to call him back.
After the movies, in the car I called him again, he still didn't pick up the phone, but as soon as we were home, he left the house, said he has to do something, as you all can guess , I knew what he was up to, I didn't say anything.
Half an hour later he came back and we went to my brother's Birthday party, he wasn't happy at all, just sat there for 15mns, then left saying he has to go home and burn some movies for my brother and didn't come back until 2hrs later.
I knew that he really want to be alone in case that person call him or he can check her mail, and whatever occured in my mind, it came true.
I was left at my brother's house, I was sad and hurt so I drink a lots, when he came back and asked me why I am drinking beers, I just said to him, SO.
After we left my brother's house, I was drunk after 13 bottle of beers, and didn't say much, but when we got home, he offer to make me hot tea and showed me some careness, that was really pissed me off, cuz, I already knew so dam well that he didn't love me anymore, I was so angry and called him a liar/cheater, he denied at first, but when I told him about the girl who has been sending mail to you it was me, he got shock, then I told him our relationship is over, cuz, he lied and cheated on me, who know in the pasted 2yrs, how many girls he has been dating behind my back, and I also told him that I knew he came back home alone to see if she call or send him mail, he denied, and I told him I knew he did, so I got up and trying to go to the pc to check, then he beg me not to, I asked him why not, he said, he didn't want me to be more sad after reading the email he just sent, I open it and read, he wrote and ask, did you call me today, and why you block the number, oh I don't have gf yet, let me have ur number, let me know when you want to go to the movies, etc.
At that moment I was mad and hurt so badly, and told him I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore, just get out of my house and my life, then he kept on begging me to forgive him, he said, he feel bored and just messed around with the girls online, of course I didn't buy those craps.
He begged me all night, and he also did stupid thing, like took half bottle of tylenol, saying he can not live without me, asked me to give him a second chance to make it up what he has done wrong that hurt me so badly.
I told him, the relationship is not going to last without trust, cuz I already lost trust in him, but he asked for 1% trust from me and then he will earn the other 99% back, he is willing to give up everything, pc, video games, cell phone, all he wants is to spend all of his times with me doing the thing that we used to do when we first met, he said nothing else is matter to him anymore if without me in his life, and after a 24hrs talked i agree, but I can not forget about everything that he has done, the feeling is not the same when he kisses or hugs me.
Sorry for a long story, but I really need helpful advices, I don't know what to do to forget and forgive, cuz of the heartache that he has caused me.

Can you paraphrase this in a paragraph of about 5 sentences or less?

who took half a bottle of tylenol?

I am so sorry to hear about your sad love life, my heart felt for you.

If he seem to sincerly sorry then give him another chnace and see how things goes. Of course you won't trust him now, but only time will heal your feeling trust towards him.

I know sometime men/womens do silly things while just a moment of boredom/something, they would do thing to hurt their loved one.

One more chance and see how things goes, if again then turn away and never look back, at least you give it's a go.

Thinking of you, stay strong sis, don't drink like that agin, you are just harmigng yourself and do you think your body deserve that?

I am sorry about your situation. Whether you are hurt or happy, times goes on. Instead of living in a painful situation, you should think of this relationship as a learning method. You have learned to forgive which make you become a better person. You should applaud yourself for doing something that not everyone can do, which is forgiveness. Now that you have learned to forgive, you should further learn to forget. Why? Because you have no choice but to forget. Either you want to tie yourself to suffering or let yourself go with the understanding of forgetfulness and live happily. Forget does not mean to erase that sad part from your memory, but to see through that situation. Your happiness must not depend on others, but you have to make it happen for yourself. Don't let others bring you happiness, but you should see the happiness within you. Remember, nothing lasts forever on this planet. The people who agree with you today may not so tomorrow; the one who loves you today may not tomorrow. If you understand the concept that time changes everything, then you should not worry and live in the past, should not imprison yourself in a memory of sadness that your bf has hurt you. You should feel happy because you have your health; if you keep feeling sad, your healthy will be jeopardized and your parents will be sad to see you sick. If your bf does not love you, you should love yourself more by living a healthy and happy life. However, if you fall, who will take care of you? In your relationship, you have committed to your bf and haven't done any wrong. He is the one who made mistakes, why are you paying for his mistakes by imprisoning yourself in devastation? You should stand up and tell yourself that you are not the one who made mistakes and begin living a happy life. In this way, your bf will begin to think" wow, she is a strong girl. With or without me, she is happy." From that perspective, he will try to love you more because he realizes that he is not the only one who can bring you happiness. But if you collapse now, he will look down on you. WHy? "I made mistakes and she is falling a part. She really depends on me. She really needs me and if I cheat again, she will still forgive because she cannot live without me." So you should live happily and do not even think about if he is going to do it again or not because that's the future. Don't wasting time thinking about it. You have chosen to forgive, so you must accept that situation and live in a happy life. Good luck with your situation
best,
darien

First rule in relationship, do not test to find out how much your partner is in love with you. Sometimes, the reality is not what you expect and I don't want to say that it changes your perspective 100% about your lover. It's not only about love and other things too as financial, social status, education, family, and etc. The more you know the truth about the deepest of your lover's thought, the more heart-broken you can get. For example, you see the garden with fully golden flower. From outside, you can see it's so beautiful/addorable and if you step inside and look beneath of those beautiful flowers ... you can see insects, flies ... and the more you dig in the more ugly things come out ... even scopions, and poison snakes jump out too.
Your lover's reactions after he knows you set him up signify he has good conscience, regret, admit, and ask for forgiveness. If someone else, he would accuse you back by saying that you give him no respects/set up a trap/direct a game for your amused purpose/ put him down to make you look better and the worst thing he can point out that you don't truely love him with all your heart for all the time he has been living with you and automatically denies/invalidate all the evidences you press on him.
What I am saying that give him a second chance since he knows what he did is wrong. A person is willing to admit a wrong doing, accept a punishment, and sincerely ask for a second chance ... then why not give to him ...

Sweetie

Forget about love, trust, respect and all that. When you have had enough, you'll know!!

do what your heart wants you to do: kick him out!

no regrets! remember: no regrets!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I wouldn't dig as far as you. I know what i'll probably get.
When a man has a gf and still post a profile to look for more girls/ a better one, meaning he's not sure about you. He still keep his options opened. He doens't love you enough to be committed.

Just give him a second chance, and let's see what happens. But you have to know that, he will delete his profile from that Website, because he got caught, however, he will post another profile on another site that you don't know.

If he meant to look around, he will continue doing it any other ways.

Well, think of it this way, at least he beggs, and apologize,
Some men treat their gf bad, did what he did, and when gf nags, they threaten to break up.

wat's the world is coming into these days?
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only weak heart gf will give that kind of guy a second chance
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only those types of girl who never gets the real care will look at those fake begging for conselation

iM shock really shock

[QUOTE=HardToForget]I am so sorry to hear about your sad love life, my heart felt for you.

If he seem to sincerly sorry then give him another chnace and see how things goes. Of course you won't trust him now, but only time will heal your feeling trust towards him.

I know sometime men/womens do silly things while just a moment of boredom/something, they would do thing to hurt their loved one.

One more chance and see how things goes, if again then turn away and never look back, at least you give it's a go.

Thinking of you, stay strong sis, don't drink like that agin, you are just harmigng yourself and do you think your body deserve that?[/QUOTE]


Hi HardToForget,
Thanks so much for your good advice, i know i shouldn't drink to harm myself, but I was so depressed at the time, beside that I didn't know what else to do, cuz I was hurt when I found out the true.
Don't worry sis, I am not a weak person, I can be real tough most of the time, cuz I went through a lots in life.

Love,

Sadlygurl

dear sis,
pls stay strong...just give it sometime and you guys will figure it out.. as long as both of you still want to stay together then everything will be ok, if not only time will show sis...but to be honest, sometimes I wonder true love does last sis ?

[QUOTE=darienvovi]I am sorry about your situation. Whether you are hurt or happy, times goes on. Instead of living in a painful situation, you should think of this relationship as a learning method. You have learned to forgive which make you become a better person. You should applaud yourself for doing something that not everyone can do, which is forgiveness. Now that you have learned to forgive, you should further learn to forget. Why? Because you have no choice but to forget. Either you want to tie yourself to suffering or let yourself go with the understanding of forgetfulness and live happily. Forget does not mean to erase that sad part from your memory, but to see through that situation. Your happiness must not depend on others, but you have to make it happen for yourself. Don't let others bring you happiness, but you should see the happiness within you. Remember, nothing lasts forever on this planet. The people who agree with you today may not so tomorrow; the one who loves you today may not tomorrow. If you understand the concept that time changes everything, then you should not worry and live in the past, should not imprison yourself in a memory of sadness that your bf has hurt you. You should feel happy because you have your health; if you keep feeling sad, your healthy will be jeopardized and your parents will be sad to see you sick. If your bf does not love you, you should love yourself more by living a healthy and happy life. However, if you fall, who will take care of you? In your relationship, you have committed to your bf and haven't done any wrong. He is the one who made mistakes, why are you paying for his mistakes by imprisoning yourself in devastation? You should stand up and tell yourself that you are not the one who made mistakes and begin living a happy life. In this way, your bf will begin to think" wow, she is a strong girl. With or without me, she is happy." From that perspective, he will try to love you more because he realizes that he is not the only one who can bring you happiness. But if you collapse now, he will look down on you. WHy? "I made mistakes and she is falling a part. She really depends on me. She really needs me and if I cheat again, she will still forgive because she cannot live without me." So you should live happily and do not even think about if he is going to do it again or not because that's the future. Don't wasting time thinking about it. You have chosen to forgive, so you must accept that situation and live in a happy life. Good luck with your situation
best,
darien[/QUOTE]


Hi darien,
I know I should be strong, forget about the past and move on, who wouldn't wants to live happy, but it is not easy, since the one you trusted the most betrayed you.

...just another piece of trash...kick him out! :rolleyes:

[QUOTE=skindeep]who took half a bottle of tylenol?[/QUOTE]


Of course it wasn't me, I'm not that stupid to give up my life for his mistake.
I was hurt, but I still know what i am doing.

This could be a very clever ad for vietforlove. OW, I think the girl should give her bf a chance. If you have to eat your favorite food every day, you will be sick of it too. That does not mean that you don't love it. But it is in the nature of men (and women too) craving for something new. The hardest thing in a relationship (and a marriage) is to find your mate still attractive and sexy after being together for too long.

Love is the ultimate deterrent of cheating. But sometimes, it cannot overcome our primitive urges, the craving for somethimg fresher. Even the best and brightest of men fail to control it (remember Hugh Grant with the beautiful Eliz Hurley).

Just my 2 cents ...

Hello Sadlygurl,
Thanks for sharing your story to us. I hope you're be heal soon. I don't know giving advice would help, because at the end you still need to make dicision of your own.
Go with your consciousness, I would say.

You are right! Love need trust. How can you love without trusting a person? However, love must go side by side with forgiveness. If your cannot completely forgive him, then doesn't matter how hard you both try to rebuild that relationship, soon or later that little problem will come back and hunt both of ya.

awhile a go when i'm still in high school, freshman in college, before I make a commitment to Jesus, I went out with this one girl and she cheated on me. I like her alot so I forgave her and we continue going out. But during those years I also cheated on her because I felt like she cheated on me first and I had nothing to feel bad about it. We went out for over 4 years and we break up. What I trying to say here is that if you can't not forgive a person completely, and continue still want to continue the relationship because of other things (sexual plessure, materialistic, or I feel bad, ect.) then I don't think this will be a healthy relationship.

But if you love him unconditionally (unconditional love) that would be a different story. You just love him and didn't ask for anything in return. That relationship might last but if he never change then you will be a victim.

I thank God (Jesus Christ) for showing me mercy through His unconditional love. And because of His unconditional love, I had a chance to repent from my sin and have an opportunity to live a faithful and trust worthy life.

*marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. It's more like give it all 100%.

The Results of Living Together Before Marriage: Research study this pattern has been found to be deadly to the marriage relationship. Of 100 couples who began living together, 40 of them will break up before marriage. of the 60 who marrry, at least 35 will divorce, which leaves 25 out of the original 100 who make it.

Sadlygurl hope you will soon find the sun shine again. If you can completely forgive him then I think that's great. But for now taking good care of your body. Get drunk won't help.

kick the bietch to the curb....

give him a second chance if he's regret of what he had done to hurt you, just let him make it up and see how it goes...the feelings and trust are not the same, therefore, you need times to get those things back if he's sincered. If he's back to the way he was, then you could walk out because you already give it a try. so, just observe his action. take care

You did a great job find out what up with him, smart move…J. Instead let him begging and do stupid stuff to give him a second chance. Be practical. Ask yourself a few questions? Do you love him even after what he has done to you? Why? compare the bad thing list vs good thing list? And make a decision whether it is worth to forgive and forget or you should move on.