Xin chao cac anh chi/Hello All

I have been married for 8 years and have two kids. About 2-3 years ago, I was stressed because of work. Because of this, my wife had always thought I didn't care about her. Everytime we went to bed I just fell asleep because I worked two jobs back then. She always felt sad and brought up to my attention. I honestly told her that I was tired. By the way, she is a stay home mom taking care of kids. Last year, my wife went back to vietnam because her dad was passing away. During her stay in vietnam, she met a man who considered "a caring man" and know how to make her feel like " a wife." Finally, both of them slept together. She didn't tell me until I asked her after she got back to US.

When she got back to the US the end of last year 2011, she never said "sorry" to me. In fact, she even talked to a vietnam guy on the phone in front of me and even chatted online with him. I caught her doing that. When I confronted, she said "give her sometimes". I told her that she needed to stop, but she never listened to me. All of this going on for about 4 months.

Recently she told me that she told the guy to stop calling or chatting with her. She changed her mind because she found out that I was calling someone in vietnam.

During my 8 years of marriage, I just felt she didn't respect or listen to me. She and I couldn't agree on educating our kids and the way about life. I can go on and on.

I need some advice whether I should divorce or not. What should I do?

Sorry for the long post, but this thing has been bugging for a whole year already. I need some advice both of us should move on with our life.

thanks in advance for all your advice/ Cam on anh chi. rat la nhieu

Hi Familyman,

Your nick name speaks for itself.

1. Both of you have 2 kids.
2.You have worked on 2 jobs and didn't have enough time to
take care of her.
3. Your wife didn't tell you about her lover until you asked and until you caught her chatted with that guy.

I would think of these factors if I were you:

1. Kids need parent to stay together (in love) to grow up and develop their minds normally.
2. You gave her the wrong thought based on the limited time you should reserve for her. (now you know why money can not buy happiness).
3. She - at least still care and wanted to live with you - as she didn't tell you about her love - back in VN.


I would try to quit 1 job. Take good care of her, spend as much time as possible with her to convince her that her thought was wrong.

and.. I know it hard but : Could you just forgive her and consider what happend back in VN (when you not with her) was just an accident ?

"Accident" in life could happend to everybody.. especially we don't pay much attention .

Best luck, Try to start from the beggining.

***MTDY***

Thanks MTDY for your reply

After she got back to the US, I DID talked and convinced her to throw the phone away so the guy could not contact her. She said "No". I told her that I wanted to start from the beginning; however, she did not say anything; however, she took no action to convince me that she wanted to start "fresh".

Should I let time decide what to do with our marriage?

Thanks again

Cam on anh chi. nhieu

She slept with the guy already and you beg her to come back to you. Where is your dignity and self-respect?

[QUOTE=familyman;9254336]Thanks MTDY for your reply

After she got back to the US, I DID talked and convinced her to throw the phone away so the guy could not contact her. She said "No". I told her that I wanted to start from the beginning; however, she did not say anything; however, she took no action to convince me that she wanted to start "fresh".

Should I let time decide what to do with our marriage?

Thanks again

Cam on anh chi. nhieu[/QUOTE] She cheated and said no to throwing the phone away. She is not worth your time. If it was me, I would sweep her out of the house with a broom and slam the door on her face.

YG and M -VF im sure he is thinking of his kids that's why he wants to work things out with her .

[QUOTE=madusa;9257111]YG and M -VF im sure he is thinking of his kids that's why he wants to work things out with her .[/QUOTE]

Next time she'll bring a guy home and let the guy pump her in the family's bedroom and you can offer this guy the same advice just to work things out for the kids sake.

[QUOTE=Younggun007;9257134]Next time she'll bring a guy home and let the guy pump her in the family's bedroom and you can offer this guy the same advice just to work things out for the kids sake.[/QUOTE]

We all make mistake we all deserve a chance , fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me i always believe 1st time íts a mistake 2nd time it's a choice THEN he should kick her to the curb

I was in a similar situation. It is difficult because of the 2 kids and the uncertainty for the future. I confronted her and asked how this will end. In 5 years where do you see us as a couple. I got a vague response showing no commitment.

I told her I wanted a divorce because of the past and uncertain future. I also told her I would continue to live with her as before and we would raise the kids as a family. We both knew that after that day we could both walk away if things got hostile. If things got better, we could remarry. We kept the divorce quiet.

We stayed together for 20 years. It saved me a lot of child support money. Things were tolerable but not perfect. After the kids grew up and she was dumpy looking, I left. I kept my pension and stuff I had accumulated. She was not entitled to anything she did not earn herself.

[QUOTE=dorkyhat;9300258]I was in a similar situation. It is difficult because of the 2 kids and the uncertainty for the future. I confronted her and asked how this will end. In 5 years where do you see us as a couple. I got a vague response showing no commitment.

I told her I wanted a divorce because of the past and uncertain future. I also told her I would continue to live with her as before and we would raise the kids as a family. We both knew that after that day we could both walk away if things got hostile. If things got better, we could remarry. We kept the divorce quiet.

We stayed together for 20 years. It saved me a lot of child support money. Things were tolerable but not perfect. After the kids grew up and she was dumpy looking, I left. I kept my pension and stuff I had accumulated. She was not entitled to anything she did not earn herself.[/QUOTE]

I wish all cheaters (both men and women) would get bad consequences. That way, there would be less cheating going on.

I have NO idea if ANYONE should get a divorce or not...

One thing I can tell you to consider BEFORE u make that decision is.. NO MATTER who u marry, there will be issues, mistakes, etcs... so if it were me, I will give anything I do my BESTest shot first.. before throwing in the towel.

U owe it to urself, for peace of mind.. no regrets.
Best of luck, I love ur NICK by the way.."FamilyMan"

:)
Bunny

Family Man,

I am not saying that I feel your pain, because I can't. In fact, not many of us can say that. But I really hope that you would be able to overcome this tragic soon. May be you never will!!!. The immediate reaction when someone you trusted and loved with all your heart and soul betrayed you is to pay back the pains and sorrows. It even felt so good, so justifiable...but would the hurtfullness just go away? I don't think so...Those who cheated did not think of the pain that they caused to others- their mates, children and others, of the hearts that they broked...Selfish, heartless, uncaring and all, you may say, but can you be sure that they will never change? However, there is a fine line between forgiving and naive. As hard as it may seem, you and only you can make the decision to divoice or to forgive. Do you still love her? How much do you really love her? Do you love her enough to move on, really move on and trust her again? Do you love her enough so that you would not bring it back up every so often to remind her that she cheated on you? And then there are the two kids....Dang it, why life and relationship have to be so hard and hurtfull? Again, I really hope the you can make the right decision. It is the hardest decision of your life, for it affects not just you but your two kids as well.

I am sorry to hear that,but i don;t know how to help you
may you good luck in the future!