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Sad Wife
Old 03-13-2005 , 09:48 AM       Quote  
I am asking for your opinions. I am very sad and confused right now. Please be serious.

During my 20-year marriage, I forgave my husband many times for what he had done. He is vu phu and has not provided financial and emotional support to me and our child. With a determination, I finished college, found a job and raised the kid. The reason I stay in this marriage because of my child and I hoped that he could change. In addition, I am a conservative person and thought that divorce is the last thing to end a marriage. My husband told me that I have not done anything wrong and I am a good mother, except that I do not talk like VN girls (sweet talk?).

Last year I found a letter from a VN girl sent to my husband. In her letter, she described the intimate relationship between her and my husband. So I learned that my husband has committed an adultry with some girls in VN. My husband's family has a history of domestic abuse, divorce, adultry and having children out of wedlock. I did not know this when I married to him because his family was not in the US at that time. If I am divorced, I will be the first divorced person in my family and the _ _th in his family.

My husband left me again and has been in VN for two months. Now I consider to file for a divorce and move on with my life. However, my priest advised me not to file a divorce because I am a Catholic. What should I do?

Thank you in advance
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Old 03-13-2005 , 10:08 AM     MaTinh est dconnect  search   Quote  
wowow.. touch decision .. but don't get me wrong .. how come religion people are so blind and dump !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. am I right ?

I know you believe in God .. but you gave him many chance already .. and you have nhi.n nhu.t -de^? so^'ng .. you have a job now and can rise your chidren without his help ... if he does help you that much ....

Go with your mind now do not go with your heard .. I guess your heart is dry too ...

And that priest of yours .. don't go to his church again .. you paid for his meal ,house, cloth and that is the best advice he gave you ..

take care good luck ..

ps: be a real american woman and get your life straight again

Old 03-13-2005 , 10:09 AM       Quote  
I'm traditional, and 100% against divorce too...none of my close family member is divorce either. But I would rather file a divorce than to let my children look up to that kind of man... And I don't think I can live in that environment either...tell him to stop going back to VN or u would file a divorce..maybe after losing you...he will see how precious you are...and maybe he'll change...but u have to be strong...goodluck
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Old 03-13-2005 , 10:29 AM     trungson est dconnect  search   Quote  
Yes Sad Wife you can not file a divorce because you are a catholic and if you want to practice your faith. You can, however, separate from him for good. This means that you will be a single mom but can not legally get married again in the church. I am also a practicing catholic, and I know this is hard for you. I suggest that you separate (ly than) from him and openly tell your kids that you can not accept that kind of behavior from your husband and they should not follow his footsteps, but you must leave the door open for him to come back in case he wants to change his way of life (you know that Christ' arms always open on the cross and wait for sinners like us to come back). You can read the life of Saint Monica to get encouragement and an insight of how to solve your problems. You're called to pray for his conversion and salvation. May God bless you and give you the strength and wisdom to live your life according to the Catholic faith.
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Old 03-13-2005 , 10:34 AM     SpringLily est dconnect  search   Quote  
sadwife ..

to my understanding, catholic church does allow ppl to divorce. It's legal as long as you stay single after the divorce. they do not call it a divorce but a "separation" . If you want to legally remarry, U have to get the valid annulment through the church, which is really hard to .. the possibility is 1%, and it takes forever . Otherwise like I said , U're always have the right to separate yourself from your spouse if the marriage is nothing but pain. Remember this, God does discipline us, but he does not want us live in hell. what U've described above was hell, not a life on earth. Dont just talk to one priest. try to talk to other one, an American one,or who ever one that practices the religion purely base on its philosophy, not combines one's culture with the religion ..

Peace will be with you !


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Old 03-13-2005 , 10:52 AM     ListenLearn est dconnect  search   Quote  
File for a legal separation instead of a divorce can be considered.

As a legally separated couple neither of you will have the right to remarry. You may want to consider this to prevent him from bringing someone form Vietnam to the U.S.

If you have young children he will be responsible for child support.
I don't know what happens to common assets. Talk to a legal professional regarding your rights.
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Old 03-13-2005 , 02:12 PM     maledotcom est dconnect  search   Quote  
oh Budda!!! you Catholic are just pathetic, to love God is one thing, to love yourself is another thing. I hope you do realize you have a life too, don't you? So what is so confused about an abused and cheating hushand? please for Christ'sake, actually for your sake and your children, dump the monster, quickly.
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Old 03-13-2005 , 02:16 PM     Time est dconnect  search   Quote  
Yep... I agree that you should file the divorce. Your concern now is religion. Well... everybody have their say about religion. Mine, is this. If religion haven't taught me or have led lead to happiness then I'm just gonna tell religion, I gotta go....;-)
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Old 03-13-2005 , 03:04 PM     XichLo2004 est dconnect  search   Quote  
Even you are a catholic, you still can devorce your husband. I have couple of friends whom just did it last years and now some of them are remarried. Talk to the priest again and explain to him the whole situation then he will give you some leads. Good Luck, i hate those bastards.

Best of lucks

Old 03-13-2005 , 03:12 PM       Quote  
May be you and him should separate for a while and see if he would chance? If not then file a divorce it not too late right?
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Old 03-13-2005 , 03:13 PM     noeducation est dconnect  search   Quote  
Put your kids above the Priest advice
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Old 03-13-2005 , 03:15 PM     AnhHai?Qua^n est dconnect  search   Quote  
Sad Wife, sorry to heard that from you. I'm a Catholic here and I'm against divorce also. Catholicism teach us that we must live happily with ourself and family. But in your case, it's over the limit, Christ won't blame you for what you will do. Think, would you live the belief of our belief as a Catholic while on the other end, the person that live together with you "soulmate" are acting un-Catholic and therefore, not likely to change because of you? If I were to be a priest I would not stop you from divorcing because you live right and your husband is not. So why suffer, move on and have a happily life. you can be single and raise your kid. Jesus will forgive you and will lead you to eternal life. Best wishes.
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Old 03-13-2005 , 03:25 PM     Pebble est dconnect  search   Quote  
If the cheating is out of love, then do.
If it is out of urges, then don't because most men cheat anyways... :(
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Old 03-13-2005 , 04:00 PM     HoiHan est dconnect  search   Quote  
Sad Wife,

I feel sorry for you but you have been throught with him for 20 years already. What kind of gain that you would have if you divorce him now? God gives you a cross to carry on your shoulder...Maybe you would find peace at the end and not bitter anymore. Prays!!!!


Last edited by HoiHan; 03-13-2005 at 04:06 PM..
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Old 03-13-2005 , 04:08 PM     Be'Tron` est dconnect  search   Quote  
sad wife .

my priest advised me not to file a divorce because I am a Catholic. What should I do?<<<< ----------- ask the priest to talk with your husband.

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Old 03-13-2005 , 04:14 PM     Be'Tron` est dconnect  search   Quote  
by the way dear..
i am not be' u` ..

he he't thuo'c chu*a~ moi' keu priest chu*a~ him do' ..

sad wife..
su*. vi` thie^n chua' ke^'t ho^p. loai` nguoi khong the^? pha^n ly

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Old 03-13-2005 , 04:30 PM     coogirl est dconnect  search   Quote  
I'm a Buddhist, yet I visited and learned a little a/b Catholicim/Christian, a few of these religious ppl I knew from both churches do comment on one thing is your own happiness, I found this is a good thing to learn.

One of my best friends' sister used to marry to an almost become a priest, after a few yrs of marriage, he cheated and she filed a divorce on him.. I thought he should know better a/b his religion, yet he went against it completely. Talk about ppl learning your religion, I've see many Catholic ppl divorce and remarry over and over again, lady you're not Tha'nh or whatever, you're just a normal human being (you do make mistake but move on like every other human being) and you should fight for your own happiness. If you're not happy (whatever the reason of your marriage is) you should do what you think is best for you

good luck
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Old 03-13-2005 , 06:35 PM     aznvietgurl est dconnect  search   Quote  
Well i'm a catholic too. I don't believe in divorce, but i also don't believe in adultery. Your husband had already committed a sin in the marriage, i don't see why you shouldn't file a divorce. On the other hand, just separate for a while instead of divorce so he can't remarry the other girl.

Last edited by aznvietgurl; 03-13-2005 at 06:39 PM..
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Old 03-13-2005 , 07:22 PM     sparky est dconnect  search   Quote  
Sad Wife

You should get a divorce if what your story is true. You should not need to suffer more. I don't encourages divorced but in your case you should. How many priest did you asked? You should talk to more than one priest. Better yet, talk to a priest who is a judge and who handles divorce case.

I myself was in a similar sistuation a few year back. My wife commited adultry and I asked 3 priest regarding divorce, thay all told me I should not get a divorced. Well, the fourth priest I talk to at the time was a judge, he told me that now a day it is a bit easier than before. He told me I should get a divorce because it is not a healthy relation any more. He also told me that I can get remarried in church if I explained my situation in writitng when I files the petition for annulment.

Annulment cases usually take about 2 years, but that all depend. Some cases are fast and some are slow. Mine took a little over three years but I finally received the letter for the declaration of nullity last year. I am getting marry this summer again in church with no problem, the date is all set.

If you reside in Orange county, California, you can call the Diocese of Orange. The phone number to call is (714) 282-3080 and asks fro Rev. Sy Nguyen who is the presiding judge for divorce cases.

Good luck.
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Old 03-13-2005 , 08:20 PM     Younggun007 est dconnect  search   Quote  
Get a divorce and don't listen to the priest since he does not pay your bills.

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