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ttrinav
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Old 06-23-2006 , 12:08 PM     ttrinav est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by HardToForget
ttrinav: yes I did mention it, but your input was reality and having Psychologist is way too expensive right. I mention Psychologist who is in here and give us free advise. Now you know what I mean.

No you didn't mention what I put down, you just trying to annoy me.

You do not know exactly about to feel sorry for me, but thanks anyway.
Quote :
Originally Posted by HardToForget
we need someone who is PSYCHOLOGIST in here and help us girls to get our exes out of our head and move on.

Please whoever work as Psychologist spare us sometime and help us.
LOL ... read my reply carefully. I never suggested you to go see a psychologist yourself. You were the one begging for a psychologist in here to help you out.

If your problem is that serious ... than probably you should need that help.

Maybe my reply annoyed you because simply you kept saying that I have read you wrong. LMAO, your problem is just simple: You don't want to let go of your past. Most people came here giving you the same advice that is to move on with your life in different ways. And if that bugs you that much why your ex broke up with you then why don't you just pick up the damn phone & call him. Get the straight answer from him - Deal with it - And move on. Jaysus Christ!

That is why I said I felt bad for ya in that sense. You made it seem so dramatic & searched for a stupid advice while you can handle it by yourself. And not mentioning you are a growth up married woman.

Last edited by ttrinav; 06-23-2006 at 12:15 PM..
ravenmouth
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Old 06-23-2006 , 01:42 PM     ravenmouth est dconnect  search   Quote  
girl, just let it go. he's married. there is noting else u can do. why wonder??........put some other sh!t in ur head and you will forget that sh!t.


let me tell you this......when a guy break up with you they wouldn't tell you his reason b/c that reason is hard to say. why so hard to say?....b/c he can't tell you that he is not loved you anymore, u're not his type, he found someone else and dump you. those will make him look bad in your eyes so he rather not say anything and let you wonder. he's such a selfish, stink guys. forget him and go on!

don't see why u keep drag on the old relationship. just go on. just said to yourself that he got someone esle and dump you and go on. don't say i am not in ur shoe. it happened to me and it was 8 yrs long....and i finally move on 3 yrs ago. he jsut call me out of no where but i ain't give sh!t.

Last edited by ravenmouth; 06-23-2006 at 05:50 PM..
luck123
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Old 06-23-2006 , 03:01 PM     luck123 est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by HardToForget
Hi all, I have something to tell you guys and may need your serious advice.

It's about myself and my ex, now we both are married and have kids.

He is the one who broke up with me and it's has been over 7 years now and he is still in my mind. I am not too sure if I do still feels for him, but the good time we shared are still with me.

When he broke up with me, he never really explain the truth why we broken up and I have found out that he found someone else. Well two timing me really.

I feels that I need to face to face with him and ask him all I needed to know, even though it's has been so long.

Or if anyone has been though this experience and how to get rid of your ex in your head, please do advise me, 'cause he is doing my head in.

It's truth that the painful your broken heart is the more difficult to forget.

Though our relationship we was smoothly, it's was a great one for me, but it's was a shock when he broken up with me.

I rang him once and told him I need to get things out of my system, he said he will try to arrange to meet up with me and I gave him my number, but few months now I haven't heard from him, should I contact again? I might gave him wrong number or he may find it "kho' su*." to meet up with me to his wife.

I am not trying to interfer with his marriage, I just wanted all unfinish business with him, so that I can let him go!

Seem like either he is being faithfull or he just want me to hang on to our memories forever???

I won't be able to let him go, until I can let evevrything out with him. Ppls who not in my shoes, you will not understand, but ppls who in my shoes please if you are sucessfully can forget your ex then do give me serious advice.

Many thanks.
I think the reason why you want to meet up with him is because you were and are kinda mad at him because he broke up with you cuz of another girl. YOu can not get him out of your mind cuz you still wonder why he chose other girl over you. There were nothing bad in you.
The reason you want to see him face to face now is you're hoping that when you see him, he's fat and ugly and his life is bad. He has a ugly wife, and a bad job, and you on the other hand, look fabulous, drive luxury car, have a nice career, handsome husband who loves you, wonder kids. Your life is perfect without him. And you want him to envy your life and wish that he never did that to you. You want him to say i want you back and you say "no".

I mean everybody knows why a person cheats. What's there to talk about?
BangLangvTim
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Old 06-23-2006 , 07:49 PM     BangLangvTim est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by HardToForget
...Hey it's been 7 years now, if I can help myself to move on, do you think I would waste my time to post this topic?
HardToForget,
I understand exactly how you're feeling. A hurtful heart is seeking for an answer, a closure perhaps. And it sounds as lame as it can be, and perhaps you're denying this, but your heart only wants to hear some certain things, like "I'm sorry I made a mistake"

But reality/truth is not always that pretty. So sometimes no answer is better than an ugly one.

You don't have to TRY to forget him either because when you try, you're actually thinking about him, waking up the sleeping past. You need to concentrate on the present and work for your future and let the past be. Whatever it was, behold the beautiful memories you had together. You can't forget him if you haven't forgive.

I have a feeling that the guy is avoiding you. He might not have an answer for you either because there are times people just do things that they can't explain or don't know why. Or worst, the answer is an ugly one that might not just hurt your heart, it also hurts your dignity. Pushing for an answer in this case is like digging a grave for your present & future.

Forgive him & move on. You will forget him.
warm-heart
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Old 06-23-2006 , 07:58 PM     warm-heart est dconnect  search   Quote  
hi hardtogorget.i understand your feelling,but let him go.4 get about him/
tinh chi dep khi con giang gio............
su that no phu phang lam.
cafe
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Old 06-23-2006 , 08:08 PM     cafe est dconnect  search   Quote  
oh please... i hope there arnt many women same as u out there in this world.... its life, u either get a plus or minus babe,,, u just cant facking have both ok ???... and now ur a married women with kids... what the hell on earth u want to get things clear since its 7 yrs ago... sorry to say but ur such a big loser.... i feel sorry for ur current husband and kids..

u either grow up and move on with ur life... and be decent or just be a completely player... simple as that... dont cause any troubles cux of ur selfishness...
gluck
cafe
coogirl
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Old 06-24-2006 , 02:43 AM     coogirl est dconnect  search   Quote  
Hi HTF

I was going to share you a/b my breaking up experience or memories w/my x,hmmm..close to 10yrs now... after reading a few good comments.... I thought it doesn't matter what I will say.. l don't think you'll find yourself ONE answer you're looking for that use to forget your past..

One thing I know is that you'll never find that one person's shoes just like yours...I do believe each and everyone of us here has a past (whether relationship or moment in life) that he/she can't ever forget ....and that's nothing wrong w/that.. Lam nguoi ai cung co Tham, Sa^n, Si, Me^..... You're or were mad (Sa^n) for not getting the answer you think you deserve to get...You're (Tham) b/c you want and want the answer, but you don't know how to stop yourself...You're (Si & Me^) b/c you still try to live/wonder a/b your past and not realize what you, yourself have is the most important thing in life...I noticed you didn't complain a/b your family (your present)... but if you kept on thinking a/b the past, i'm sure you'll miss out lots and lots of good things in front of you like your family and life..

My thought to you and to those w/similar shoes (myself included) is to focus on what you have in front of you.. Learn to love yourself (don't have to beat yourself too much ok) and everyone around you (family, relative, friends, work life, etc..)..Most important thing is THINK POSSITIVE...

Just think of this way, it was his loss for not chosing you..but may be her winning of having him (but if she's happy or not who know...)... since someone here mentioned, life is tough, what make you think he's now happy w/what he has now? ... You don't know his feeling then nor even now toward you or even to his current wife...trust me, only him know and I don't think he too ever know how you feel...

Sometimes a few yrs ago, my x called and told me a/b his relationship w/his g/f (he wasn't too happy w/his relationship but he still stick w/her for some reasons)...I have to adviced him to stay w/her and try to work things out, etc... Remember you can't have everything you want..be generous a/b your past (since you can't change anything, then just let it go)...Sorry, I've train myself to live on what I have in front of me.. The past is the past..since I cant go back or change anything, why bother to think a/b that, agree?

good luck w/you and your family..

HardToForget
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Old 06-24-2006 , 03:47 AM     HardToForget est dconnect  search   Quote  
ttrinav: Ok we are going on circle, I am here to seek help to forget my ex not to debate with you. So I am done with you here.

luck123:
BangLangvTim:
coogirl:


Yep I believe I am mad at him for the way he treated me. He could help me forget him easily by telling me the truth, I didn't find out the truth till very later, through this very nice person. At first I thought he broke up with me because our parents doesn't get on well. But later this nice person told me the truth why he broken up with me. He was two timing me too.

I just can't believe such a nice guy that I once went out with would be so cruel to me like that. When we was together everything was so smooth, we both was very happy. I didn't see what was coming to me, only him.

I never forget that eyes of his, the tears was rolling down and looking into his eyes, I really can tell that he did loved me, but he feelt force to be cruel to me.

Yep he was my first serious boyfriend and he is everything in a man that I have dream for.

I remember that 1st dance between me and him in his room, he was shaking, it's was soooo sweet.

I feel like crying right now, because thinking all that lovely memories that he have gaven me, but he left me in so much pain, so much, I can feels that hurtful feeling right now. I remember after he broke up with me, I drove my parents car where near the river we once been. I cried so painfully, like screaming to let all the pain out.

I think the reason why I want to see him is to let him how much he hurts me. How much he puts me though.

A year after he got married, I did see him sometime when I am on my way to work, he always seem to want to talk to me, but I blank him. I wish that time I should be friendlier and try to meet up with him and get everything out. But I believe that at the time I am still sooooo mad at him and not forgiven him. How dare him putting his face near the window train where I sat.

I try not avoid phoning him and pushing myself to believe that he is happy with his family and I think I should leave him alone.

All this years I have no-one to talk about this. It's always has been me and myself.
longie83
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Old 06-24-2006 , 07:25 AM     longie83 est dconnect  search   Quote  
you just cant forget the fact that he left you for no reason.
BangLangvTim
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Old 06-24-2006 , 07:57 AM     BangLangvTim est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by longie83
you just cant forget the fact that he left you for no reason.

You're just beating a dead horse. She already said that, even admitted the worst.

What a credible remark, smart Jack
22tango
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Old 06-24-2006 , 01:52 PM     22tango est dconnect  search   Quote  
well maybe U want to reminisce some old good time and hookup one more time...j/k

Sometimes it is better to be left unsaid than said it out.
Dat_Irvine
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Old 06-24-2006 , 04:49 PM     Dat_Irvine est dconnect  search   Quote  
HardToForget,

I read your story, even I'm guy, I think I know how you feel. Please read my story to see if you can find the similar experience.

I had a girlfriend when I was 21 and she was 17. We lived together for over 5 years and shared some beautiful time and unforgetable memories. We worked, studied, and had the same goals in life, and in our mind, there was no doubt that we would one day get married and have a family together. Her parents passed away early so I was the only one who was the closest to her.

My parents with my sister came over from VN 4 years later when I was 25. In our hearts, we knew our relationship headed for some tough time. Due to financial reasons, I had to live with my parents and helped them while she agreed to live together with us. It lasted for one year then she moved out on her own while I continued to live in both places at the same time because I still had to support my parents financially and emotionally. Then the worst time came, I lost my job. I decided to use the unemployment benefits to concentrate and finish my engineering degree. I asked her for a breakup because I couldn't handle the financial and emotional pressures on both sides. She cried and we cried for the whole night and we felt sometimes down the line in our life, we'll continue where we left off.
We continued to be friends but no longer shared the day to day stuff because of my busy schedules. I finally graduated and found a good job after a year. On the day I got my engineering job offer, I brought flowers and came to her place. She opened the door with a surprise look and sadly told me that she has a company and can't really let me in. She hoped we can talk the next day. I walked out, drove away and deep down in my heart, I know that was the end of what I considered the most beautiful memories of my life. I talked to her the next day and she briefly told me about her new boyfriend and I never mentioned about my intention of asking her back to be my girlfriend. For the next four years, I concentrated in my career, had many other relationships and continued to see her once every two three months or so. She was happy with her relationship and finally got married. I don't see her anymore after she got married even she continued to make the efforts to see me.
I now have a beautiful wife and two wonderful children and at the top of my career. Somehow, some nights, in my quiet retreat room, I still think of her and yes there are many questions that I really wanted to ask her. For our relationship, there was a closure. But for both me and her, I'm sure there were things deep down she really wanted to ask me and same for me but we never did.
We all get old eventually and move on with our life with whatever fate has already laid down for us. I'm afraid of seeing her now because what if she still loves me and cannot move on with her life. I already moved on and accepted it. Eventhough I still love her and have good memories of her, the ones in my heart now are my wife and children and I would like to finish the book of my life with them in the end.

I don't know whether my story can help you or not but I hope you will figure out a way to move on. If you want to know the answer, please make sure you can handle the truth whichever way it goes. The best way to do is to put your thoughts in writing and somehow get it to him. If he answers, then you have what you wanted. If not, then respect his decision and move on with your life with the beautiful memories you guys shared.

Dat.
A Visitor
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Old 06-24-2006 , 08:56 PM     A Visitor est dconnect  search   Quote  
The advice from dulang seems most practical and most reasonable. If I were you, I would follow that advice.
HardToForget
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Old 06-26-2006 , 01:49 AM     HardToForget est dconnect  search   Quote  
Dat_Irvine: Thanks for sharing with me your experience, I guess in life everything happens for a reason. I did some throughts and gather all the best advise on here and I will come to my conclusion very soon. I think I have the answer right now in my head what I need to do next. I will do something that won't hurt any of the family. I think I need to accept that the problem are mine, 'cause all those years I still not accept what happen.

I think I will not drift to my past again, when there any reason that in my life I am not happy of. Before it's seem like whenever I am not happy in life, my mind seem to drift to my past with my ex and it's seem to comforting me. I think that's really wrong of me.

Both now have family and kids, should just end and accpet it's that this is reality, not in my past no more.

Yep I got the answer to my problem.

Thank you to you and all others who give me a genuine advises. Love you all and wish you all the best.

co_mu:Yeah, me you and Dat should have a drink one day, chat about our exes...hehehehe....that's would be fun.
trovephocu
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Old 06-27-2006 , 09:33 AM     trovephocu est dconnect  search   Quote  
Actually, HTF, quite the contrary to what most (or some) people has been telling you on here, I don't think it's a bad idea for you to just.....call him.....meet up with him, or communicate with him using whatever medium possible (email, chat, phone, face-face...etc..etc)

I'm going to make a long story short and tell you that I have been in your shoes. He was the first person I ever had feelings for, and continued to be the ONLY person I ever had true feelings for for the next 5-6 years of my life. However, one day, he just stopped talking about what happened between us in general. I remember, on one sunday, he was still saying how much he cared about me, and then that monday afterwards...he acted like he never knew me as a gf. (yes, it's weird, but some guys can be bastards like that) Whenever I would mention it, he would act like I'm crazy and nothing happened. It seems as if he completely erased that part of his life out of his memory. Through the next 5/6 years, he would not tell me why he dumped me all of a sudden, out of nowhere. Like you, I kept wondering, thinking, maybe this, maybe that...all that typical heartbreak crap. It was hard for me to just move on emotionally. (on the outside, We moved on, i had other bf, he had other gfs) I had another bf, which I thought i loved, but in the end, the only person I had true feelings for was that "guy." It was hard to admit that "hey, he simply just didn't like me anymore, i'm nothing to him." I know that when you think about all the good times you've had, soemthing inside of you says "he MUST have loved me, he MUST have had a good reason why he left me...it's not possible that he can be so cold, because i know he loved me." but sometimes......that thought is wrong, and it's hard to admit that it's wrong.

One day, I decided that my feelings for this guy has lagged on too far, so I wrote out all my feelings (in a diary) and how I felt, and decided once and for all, I'm going to talk to him about this and force him to talk to me about it. So I called him, and told him "look, i know what happened was true, and i have no idea why you've been denying it for so long, but i need you to help me, i need u to answer my questions fully and truthfully, if you still think of me as friend, then help me move on." I asked him a series of questions , for which he gave me his honest answer. With each question i asked, I felt lighter, less burdened. We talked for like several hours or so, and by the time we got off the phone.....i felt so much more free. Since then, I've only thought about him as a friend, and stopped talking to him as much.

Do I still think of him and think of "us" now? Yes, I do. But i think of what happened as a part of my past which led me to be who i am now. I think about how we had good times, and the bad times made me stronger, I think about the lessons I've learned. I think about him at an objective point of view, just like if i were analyzing a math problem.

When I thought about why what I did helped me so much, I realized that all this time (5 yrs), I wasn't "in love" with him, but I was in love with love and myself. I didn't want to accept the fact that what I had was superficial and was just a game to him. I couldn't accept that he never truly loved me, sure, he LIKED me...but not anywhere near love. Also, I couldn't come to terms with the fac tthat he used me and my feelings for his own selfish ego. I've taken some courses in psychology, and although I'm no psychologist, common sense tells us that if we have something bottled up inside, as human nature, we won't let it go. By nature, we are curious beings, and we view the human race as superior to other species, and so when we encounter a problem that indermines that "superior attitude" and won't satisfy our curious questions...we can't let it go. Including in relationships. Also studies have shown that when you get dumped out of nowhere, your brain somehow boost up whatever chemical that causes you to feel you "love" that person even more.

If you're curious, the answer that guy gave me was just "I don't know why I did it, I guess it was selfish of me- I'm sorry. I did liked you, but I didn't like you enough." It was plain and simple, nothing like "OH BABY I LOVED YOU BUT LIFE WON'T LET US BE TOGETHER" like most of us would like it to be.

OVERALL...(sorry this reply is so long) it would be GREAT if you can get him to answer your questions. You're not doing anthing wrong towards your husband, because the wrong thing to do towards him is to think of another guy while you're sleeping next to him. By talking to your ex, you're letting go of that knot inside you so u can focus all your attention on your husband. So try to talk to your ex about it. Ddon't sound accusatory, don't talk about the past and how great it was.....just plain and simple : answer these questions for me with all your honesty if you still even care for me as a human being and as a friend. If he won't answer you..then that just tells you he's too selfish and too much of a bastard to even do you such a simple favor. Find some way to let everything out, whether it be your diary, friend, family, therapist...ect.

I truly hope my reply helped you. Unlike others, I'm not criticizing you for your feelings, because I really know how you feel. Goodluck on everything, and make your decisions wisely.
HardToForget
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Old 06-28-2006 , 06:54 AM     HardToForget est dconnect  search   Quote  
trovephocu: I am greatfully thank you for replied to my topic as your seem too genuine. Readying your replied kinda says everything to my heart wanted to do. You are right about me that I am wrong to think another man while lying next to my husband or even when we are out together as a family.

I know that if I do push away to contact my ex, I know that oneday in time I will still have this feeling to contact him again and it's will never goes away really.

Oh I think I will listern to your advice and do it once and for all.

Should I tell him on phone or meet face to face with him. I would prefer to meet face to face.

Thank you from bottom of my heart for you sharing your experience wiht me. I am so greatful in life that there are someone so nice like you, who help other.

I will update you when I call and what happen in private message to your name account.
tlernp
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Old 06-28-2006 , 12:46 PM     tlernp est dconnect  search   Quote  
Wow, 7 years....i'm not in your shose that's why i don't understand....if i am your husband i would be heart broken....Chi hai nen qui nhung gi minh co truoc mat di......Your ex doesn't want to contact you becaue he doesn't want anything do do with you. What kind of anwer do you want to hear from him, his actions are his word (borke up with you then move on have his own family). So sis please leave your ex alone...and spend all of that energy for your kids or husband. Man! you must have love him very much in some point in the realtionship that is why you want to close the chapter. However, sis... what else do you want to know...you should see your family MD for a referal (really, i'm serious--this is not healthy for you)
phoso1
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Old 07-01-2006 , 01:15 AM     phoso1 est dconnect  search   Quote  
trovephocu: well said
finally somebody gave a helpfull advice instead of questioning/biching at HardToForget.
ps: if u can't help or dont know how to help just shut the fack up
Love maker
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Old 07-15-2006 , 10:41 AM     Love maker est dconnect  search   Quote  
Just think that you are not the only one!

Pain and mistakes tend to leave the longest trail of devastation too, so I think the only real way to move forward is not to forget him but to use him as a tool for the present,

I don't think you necessarily need to let go of your past. You need to learn from it and make changes in your life. If you don't want to learn or make the changes, you need to in order to grow and move on, you'll keep repeating them, re-living them over and over again. The best thing to do is to try to be the best person you can possibly be and make yourself happy, everything will fall into place sooner or later.

You can't let go of him because you probably thought of it a lot and it was an important experience in your life

Think of it as destiny. You’ve learned something from it, right? Maybe it has or it will prevent you from making that wrong choice again... or you will be able to help someone else based on your own experience. Experiences are meant to be put to good use.

Don't dwell on what happened in the past. Busy yourself with your family, work and friends. Enjoy life - do the things that absorb you and please you. The key is not think about 'letting go'. How can you 'let go' of something which is INSIDE you - yes, it rests right there in your heart. Keep it as a gift of life (although it isn't a very nice gift). Just lock it away in a storeroom and don't visit it often.

Punishing yourself for things in the past is only creating your own mental prison. The past is over. I'm sure if you made mistake by choosing him, you paid the price. Why keep punishing yourself? You can't live in the present and enjoy the future until you put that past behind you. Forgive yourself, don't repeat the same mistakes and you'll be a better person for it. It's ok to love yourself as much as you love other people. Do you torture those around you endlessly for mistakes they make, or forgive them? I'll assume you'll forgive them, so extend yourself the same courtesy.

No need to cry about what happened in the past. Those who live in the past can not have sound present and a wonder full future. Come on sister, no need to think about the history, and we all make mistakes, we all go for wrong choices, that doesn't mean we are stupid or dumb. Everything is part of density and we have to accept this particular reality.

It's not easy to let go of the past, but let it go by looking to the future.

I find things to do with my time, so I won’t actually have the time to sit and dwell on the past...but sometimes that doesn’t even help...because we all daydream at some point...It’s a psychological thing.

Please take my words for it... Same thing happened to me 8 years ago. It hurts so really bad that the love of your life broke your heart and walked away from you for somebody else. Now, when I looked back and SMILE
HardToForget
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Old 07-17-2006 , 05:34 AM     HardToForget est dconnect  search   Quote  
phoso1:Oh that's nice of you.


Love maker: Thanks for your advice, I have been looking for this topic of mine for sometime and somehow I couldn't find it's anywhere. Lucky you replied and I came back to this forum and you help me to find it. Thanks sis.


Thank you for sahring your experince/advice, there are some very good advice in here and I did have sometime to think it's myself. what I should do and I have come to conclusion, yep deep down inside of me like to meet up with him and ask him some questions which I love wanted to hear, but what if the answer that I wanted to be and it's won't be how I expected? What I hear might make me feels much worst.

I am accepting to let go of my past now, but now and again I do still recall, but at least this time I have this smiling on my face rather than upset feeling.

I am accepting that he is happy and I am happy too, so leave it at that.

Well I just heard something about him is that he has gone really fat, yuk I hate fat guys, personaly I would never go out/marry one, did had experience with one, will never again as long as I live.

Before he got 6 packs, bet ya now he have 1 pack. Nah man that's would turn me off completely.

Anyway I am happy now and I forgive him for what he done. I can really chat to him if I ever see him again.

What you said there really true, do you know that. Anyway why would I want to dig up my own sh!t and smell it's for??? Let it's lay there and dry, oneday it's will turn to dust and the wind will blown it's away and then nomore pieces left for me to remember.

Cheers again

HTF
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