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Old 07-17-2006 , 12:02 AM     ttdtvb est dconnect  search   Quote  
Wives don't care doesn't mean it's morally right.

Quote :
Originally Posted by happysaigon

Do you live in the US or Vietnam?

I think most people who replied are from the US.

I want to share something that I saw from the last trip back to VN. I know many many guys in VN do what 30some is asking, and their wifes do not have any problem. Some wifes in VN knows that the husband goes to "bia o^m", "Karaoke o^m", "massage", and may have sex with someone. But those wifes seem that they do not care as long as the husband takes a good care of the family.

Anyone here lives in VN or went back to VN ? Do you see that too?
Quote :
Originally Posted by thirty-some
"it's apparent to me that most girls in general do not understand men and do not know how to deal with men in this issue other than threatening your men with divorce or breakup,"...
You are just a self-centered minded man. How do you deal with the issue if it was your wife who does it?

Quote :
Given the right situation (no consequences), most men would have sex with any beautiful women as a stranger (the difference between paid and non-paid is just about the convenience and no string attached). Any guy doesn't then either he's lying to himself or lack of confidence....
...and you also a narrow-minded man...there is no right situation in cheating...where is the moral?

Quote :
you ought to live life according to what makes you happiest." ( thanks FINITY for shed some lights into my path). -D.
...which also mean cheating, deceiving? So it's okay for the serial killer to go out and kill anyone he wants as long as it make him happy?

Last edited by ttdtvb; 07-17-2006 at 12:05 AM..
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Old 07-17-2006 , 03:33 AM     HardToForget est dconnect  search   Quote  
I find this is very wrong, how would you feel if your wife do the same thing as you? Do you think it's alright? What if you do catch aids and give it to your wife, not alone you and your wife but your kids will share same plates and folk...etc, just incase your gum bleed, anything could happen.

If you want something more interesting thi` share it with your wife.

Learn alots and provided everything to your family doesn't mean you can do such a thing.

And in this life no man/woman like to share their love one with another person, well for some they do.

Anyway to my point of view, I would be very hurt if my husband was like you and your friends. There is alots other activities that you can do, rather than do such thing.

I do feels sorry for your wife and kids, they doesn't know nothing about what you are doing. Cha)?ng le~ your wife innocent to*'i ta^.n the^' sao? Does suspect anything about your secret?
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Old 07-17-2006 , 03:56 AM     kristi-m est dconnect  search   Quote  
This is funny because there was just a show on "Oprah" that addressed this issue. There is a new trend of people called "SWINGERS". These are married couples who agreed to exchange partner with other married couples (or singles) for sexual purposes only - no string attached.
In this situation, both partners agree to it. Swingers claimed that by having sexual act with others, their marriage is spiced up and keeps them more interested in each other. One of the husband who was interviewed said that when he knows the other man can make his wife feel good (better than he can), he felt good too and via versa.
So, from a girl point of view. I think everything in the marriage should be open. If your wife is okay with you having sex with escort girls, then I would say particularly in your marriage, it would be okay. Each case is different. Don't just look at the trend and think that it is okay for you to go behind your wife back and do such thing. So just because your so 'successful-good-provider friends' who think it is okay to have sex with escort girls that is is okay for you to do it too. Marriage is not just about being a good provider, but also a lover and a trustworthy person.

Last edited by kristi-m; 07-17-2006 at 03:59 AM..
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Old 07-17-2006 , 06:49 AM     GiotSuong1 est dconnect  search   Quote  

So you just mentioned that most girls don't understand men other than treatening to break up if anything such as cheating or what you're about to do is involved, then let me make my point straight, that would mean you do not understand women in general and your wife specifically because you're lacking the understanding of your wife's need and what's needed to maintain a good marriage. Like everyone here says, just because you bring home the big money doesn't mean she has to agree with you. Try to put yourself in her shoes and see what a woman needs when it comes to marriage. It does not matter if you have done it already, the thought itself is devastating and dangerous.

Someone here mentioned that in VN some women allow their husbands to cheat, I honestly don't know how many women but it has to be a very few. You may say that a lot of them do this behind their wives' backs. Some of the wives know but they refuse to confront their husbands because they are afraid of divorces. One again, divorce is not that comon in Vietnam. Also, here in the United States, a lot of us (girls) are independent and we all work to contribute something to the family. A friend told me that even if you want a divorce, it has to be agreed by both parties, that is the husband and the wife. I heard a story of a relative of my friend who wanted to divorce her husband and marry another guy from the U.S. but her former husband refused to sign the divorce paper although they no longer live together. Therefore, she is considered married but living a single life. She cannot remarry by paper and her boyfriend cannot do the sponsorship. Just something on the sidenote.

Anyhow, thirtysome, just like you, everyone deserves happiness, but if you are willing to reach that goal regardless of how you get there, then you are truly selfish.

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Old 07-17-2006 , 07:32 AM     AHung est dconnect  search   Quote  
Becareful when you're playing with FIRE; you'll get burn!

Like they say "di dem co ngay gap ma...."
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Old 07-17-2006 , 07:35 AM     xi`dau` est dconnect  search   Quote  

Doesn't matter how you reason or defend yourself, cheating is cheating. Period!

You're NOT in Vietnam anymore, so wake up and smell the gasoline!

Last edited by xi`dau`; 07-17-2006 at 07:39 AM..
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Old 07-17-2006 , 08:42 AM     dulang est dconnect  search   Quote  
It is human nature, we always want beyond our reached. From what you describe either you are a lucky man or may be the sillent before the big storm. If you don't belong to the high class of population who have people who service you and your family from a-z (which husband and wife cheat each other are exceptable). Or you much have have an excellent wife who are responsibile and capable of taken care everything in and out door for you to have a great life. It is an exsort job and she my have worn out by now if you don't offer her to help she may be gone before you make a next move. Be pratical and live with reality and stop play with fire you will get burn one day.
Meo Con
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Old 07-17-2006 , 09:15 AM     Meo Con est dconnect  search   Quote  
I may sound very immature, but it's scary to think that men, in general, think that it's appropriate to cheat and morally acceptable. That justifies why some women never get married, because of such scumbs.
Mystic River
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Old 07-17-2006 , 10:38 AM     Mystic River est dconnect  search   Quote  
There is no such thing as "you can do whatever you want, as long as it makes you happy". There always some limitation to your actions, some ethinics and morals to consider because after all WE'RE HUMANS (NOT ANIMALS) and that sets us apart from other species.

For people who said you can "sleeping around" or be a "swinger" after you married...then I don't think you ever understand the word "marriage" means. When you're single and indepedent, you can do a lot of things without consider's others' people feelings. But after you married, everything you do, you have to consider your partner's feelings...and think of your family as "collectivitism" sense instead "individualistic".
And yes, a trend of "swinger" or "orgie"..or any other things can come into the pix....but it's not "socially" acceptable and widely practice. Whatever you do, whether you deny it or not, you always do in some kind of cultural custom, abide with social laws...because after all, that's make us abide together in a society. You can't just have each person do different thing that he/she likes and expect that would bring peace and harmony into the family?!

A person who thinks that he/she can do whatever he/she wants and blame the partner for not understanding that concept is shallow because the bottom line is just to "satify their needs" they end up becoming the most "SELFISH" person ever in the relationship.
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Old 07-17-2006 , 12:11 PM     Tiger_W est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by -3G-
Given that you are "thirty something," it's quite inappropriate
for you to state your explicit opinions in this forum where
there are a lot of younger people who are not ready to think
about such subjects or should be exposed to adult opinions.

I may have been guilty of a little carelessness in the past.
There's a time and a place for all discussions. This might not
belong on VF.

que mua` qua' di ba` oi
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Old 07-17-2006 , 02:28 PM     Oakland est dconnect  search   Quote  
i believe an occasional visit to strip clubs with your boys is fine, but anything beyond that is questionable!!!
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Old 07-17-2006 , 03:19 PM     LittleMe est dconnect  search   Quote  
You can say how you feel about this issue, but I disagree with you on one point. You said that your "number one priority is your family". I think not. I think that your first priority is yourself fulfullment.
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Old 07-17-2006 , 03:45 PM     ravenmouth est dconnect  search   Quote  

you sound so stupid, to me, to bring up suchquestion. you are "giau roi sanh tat and DAM!" u thought you make lot of money so you can call up those high class whores? what about before you become rich? it is acceptable when u're rich. would it be acceptable when you poor or just simply u can afford it?

if you think it is morally and socially acceptable, you go do it! why asked? it is only make you sound a bad person (going to be). you keep finding every reason to say what you think is ok while everyone in here, including male, think it is not morally and cocially acceptable.

if you think it is ok, go for it. if one day ur wife figure that out, you just have to say "hey, wife, you will never understand man. I bring home money to feed you and the kids. you better shut up! don't be sad about it women! if you can't tell the different between love and good sex, you don't deserve me. if you leave me now, i'll not give u a penny and you will be starved to dead. live with it women, you have to understand ur husband needs!''

ur are such an idiot! wanted to go with whores and speak it out loud. u think that nobody knows you have money, so you go with those high class whores and that would make you high class as well?
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Old 07-17-2006 , 04:20 PM     lady_kieu est dconnect  search   Quote  
Well, Mr. thirtysome,

Personally, I don't see any problem with weekend fun for desert, even for a married man like yourself ... of course, only if you permit your lovely wife to experience everything you experience that is.

Do you not incline to agree with me now?

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Old 07-17-2006 , 05:36 PM     -3G- est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Tiger_W
que mua` qua' di ba` oi
Do you putt from the rough... if you know what I mean.
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Old 07-17-2006 , 06:10 PM     BuonGhe^ est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by thirtysome
What do you think of married guys who are occasionally having encounters with escort girls ? Many of my successful friends are doing this and think there's nothing wrong with it if they still can provide a good life for their wife and kids. I know this is morally wrong, but most married guys I know think this is fine, as long as you can afford it, keep it discreet within yourself (just like having masturbation) and just don't get too addicted. Going to strip bars, having lapdances or nude massages, having sex with escort girls are the normal hobbies of alot of unmarried guys (including me when I was unmarried) and it seems to be morally acceptable by society; but what about for married men ?

Personally, I have not thought about this for 8 years since I got married; but lately, I have changed my views. A successful man who's financially successful, on top of that, can have some fun encounters with beautiful women (paid or non-paid) as long as his number one priority in life is still his wife and family.

Girls: please share your opinion on this. If your husband has taken extremely good care of the family (financially well-off and raise the children well), does he deserve to have some erotic fun with his friends like having lapdances, nude messages, sex with high-class escorts etc.. ? How far is too far ? Would he be forgiven if you found out he has some encounters with some high-class escorts ( and yet your sex life with him is still good and he doesn't think of anyone else when he has sex with you) ? I need some affirmations from people before deciding on my own.

- D.
What's more important? Family or the erotic fun? If a married guy is doing this, he deserves to lose his wife's and children's love and respect. The erotic playground is full of germs, imagine bringing those germs home and share with your loving wife, who could potentially, unknowingly pass it on to your adorable children. Don't think high-glass calls girls are clean, the terms only imply high price for a service.

The care package comes with love, respect, mutual understanding, support, not just the ability to provide a roof and a meal. Raising the children will means teach them from right to wrong, not ... not to get caught when cheating.

On top of everything else, think ... if your little discreet turns out to be indiscreet, you are embrassing yourself, your wife, and your children. Not to mention family and friends.

Now suppose your wife does the same, will you be ok ?
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Old 07-17-2006 , 08:31 PM     WhtTulip- est dconnect  search   Quote  
You bring home the money, so what ???

It's a mediocre for a thirthsomething years old guy to have this kind of thinking. I feel sorry for your wife and kid.
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Old 07-17-2006 , 08:51 PM     happysaigon est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Oakland
i believe an occasional visit to strip clubs with your boys is fine, but anything beyond that is questionable!!!

Is this any different than "Bia o^m", "Cafe o^m" in VN?
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Old 07-18-2006 , 08:12 AM     Younggun007 est dconnect  search   Quote  
I, pathos
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Old 07-18-2006 , 09:31 AM     I, pathos est dconnect  search   Quote  
when you come in here and ask such a question, you are NOT up to that life-style...

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