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Bottled_Up
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Số Điểm: 17
Old 08-03-2012 , 08:35 AM     Bottled_Up est dconnect  search   Quote  
FIRST I APOLOGIZE FOR LONG STORY.

i am 28 years old and my husband is 34. we are are both more than above average looking people both physically and financially. we have a great intimate life and recently just had our 1st baby daughter about 6 months ago old. we have been married for 3 years now and i have a very perfect husband and marriage admire by many and i am very proud too.
while i was pregnant my husband did what every perfect husband and expecting father would do, he took very good care of me and tend to my every need. care for me emotionally and prepare for our new life perfectly.

i read a lot of pregnancy books and they warned about tending to ur husbands needs while pregnant and i did that. i gave him oral, keep myself clean and good looking even with big stomach and we slept together every night, and took many mini vacations together.
it's my 1st time being pregnant so i really don't know anything but stuff I read in books and honestly there was no red flag accept we do fight here and here which goes away instantly.
i don't remember when it happend but my high sex drive husband have became uninterested in intimacy and when I asked him he said hes worry about the safety of the fetus, which made sense to me. I even pass it off as him being concern.
again he is perfect, come home from work on time never staying out late with friends, even after an arguement never go out overnight, and no signs whatsoever except no sex due to pregnancy.
After our perfect baby daughter came, still no sex and i ask him why he says he's stress out because of work with this economy, i believe him. I put on sexy lingery and try to seduce him and he says he's too stress out from worrying not in the mood.
after the 4th month still we have only had sex like 2 times and i initiate it, i ask him why he is not interested and he said with the baby our marriage is not the same plus he is tired.
i got upset and told him its not normal for man to not want sex, and my body look good now I am throwing my breast in your face. you are getting it somewhere else I feel it, tell me what is wrong? he say "no, i am not cheating on you but less attitude from you can help my sex drive."

i read some more books and they say "Not having sex is something wrong but when it become a usual thing is when the problem is serious." but now i am tired of trying because i have pride too, maybe it's normal for vietnamese people to stop have sex after many years of marriage and children? we dont have sex anymore and we fight more. but it starting to be normal.

recently when I am overwhelm with bad feeling eventhough my husband did nothing wrong, I just feel disconnected. and everywhere I read they say trust your feeling. I went to his mercedez and found in a secret compartment a lot of condoms like 15. I got so short breathe and upset i cried running to our bedroom where he is sleeping to confront him. From there it was all lies i have never once heard my husband lie but now it was a string of lies that i one after the other refute. lie lie lie and he lie straight to my face.
i tooked our daughter and left. after 1 day of thinking and calming down, determind to work out this marriage and find out what went wrong. i came back to talk.
he seem depress very sorry waiting for our return and told me he love me and my daughter and dont want to lose us, and i just cry. what do i do now? he said, "but im not cheating on u!!" still lying eventhough no possible explaination. to the point where i say to him, "i know u have been having sex with a prostitute and if its because i was pregnant i understand please stop lying to me." and then he stop lying and left it at that saying we should start over. Not admiting or refuting my stance about the prostitute.

i have been living in pain for over a month now. crying to sleep and bitter in the pit of my stomach. please give me advice and we move pass this or are there more lies? i try to seduce him to have sex and we do it everytime now once every day or two but for some reason i don't know if it's me or him but that passion is not there. what if i force him to have sex with me but he dont want to? what is going on with him? does he want to continue to have sex outside of marriage?
is what i am going through with this cheating husband normal or at least not odd? is he going to take my determination to save this marriage for granted and step on me more?

please someone tell me something, anything.

your hurting wife.
Wa'Nhi
Platinum Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Số Điểm: 4056
Old 08-03-2012 , 08:40 AM     Wa'Nhi est dconnect  search   Quote  
met em wa di...chuyen gi cung tu tu noi, sao lai di hoi chuyen noi day ha!

mod dau roi? lam on delete, con ko thi move wa ben kia dzum tui di plz!! thanks.
Bottled_Up
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Số Điểm: 17
Old 08-03-2012 , 08:49 AM     Bottled_Up est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Wa'Nhi
met em wa di...chuyen gi cung tu tu noi, sao lai di hoi chuyen noi day ha!
mod dau roi? lam on delete, con ko thi move wa ben kia dzum tui di plz!! thanks.
priority right now is to save this marriage i cannot tell my my sisters or brothers or parents. But i need to know is this just a rough patch or are we doom? please give me your advice from a man's perspective please.
LinhXa
Royal Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Số Điểm: 33162
Old 08-03-2012 , 08:55 AM     LinhXa est dconnect  search   Quote  
you guys were just falling out of love ... effective communication my do the trick ...

you know buy reading your story, it should be the other way around ...
Bottled_Up
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Số Điểm: 17
Old 08-03-2012 , 09:15 AM     Bottled_Up est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by LinhXa
you guys were just falling out of love ... effective communication my do the trick ...
you know buy reading your story, it should be the other way around ...
i have been trying but he almost just shutdown. he have always been the quiet reserve type. like even to this point he still say "i did not cheat on you" is this his way of continue to lie no matter what? or he really believe a prostitute is not cheating? i want to and am giving it time, but i am afraid because i dont know what the future hold for us.

i dont understand what u mean by "it should be the the way around"?
TieuLi
Loyal Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Số Điểm: 1010
Old 08-03-2012 , 09:25 AM     TieuLi est dconnect  search   Quote  
Bottled_Up:..ím sorry to hear your story esp. at this point in your life with a new baby and all ...in any case, I remember reading somewhere pregnant or distorted bodies may turn men off sex. Also, if he saw your baby came out and stuff, it can turn them off as well. You guys should seek help from a marriage counselor ...
LinhXa
Royal Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Số Điểm: 33162
Old 08-03-2012 , 09:27 AM     LinhXa est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Bottled_Up
i have been trying but he almost just shutdown. he have always been the quiet reserve type. like even to this point he still say "i did not cheat on you" is this his way of continue to lie no matter what? or he really believe a prostitute is not cheating? i want to and am giving it time, but i am afraid because i dont know what the future hold for us.

i dont understand what u mean by "it should be the the way around"?
Do you trust him ??? and believe when he said " I didn't cheat on you " ? seems like he is not giving you the reason not to trust him .. normally trusting is the results of actions, has his actions dictate that ? seems like there are lot of unknown and you seems to guess alot .. gather your thoughts and have a meeting with him and find a resolution ... time to test your and his loves ...

when i said, it should be the other way around .. meaning that men often hungry for sex during and after the wife pregnancy, and the female normally has no sex drive after giving birth.
Chang Hiu
Diamond Member
Join Date: May 2010
Số Điểm: 10509
Old 08-03-2012 , 08:57 AM     Chang Hiu est dconnect  search   Quote  
Bottled_Up,

Don't be upset.
A man can go out for protistute but he still loves his wife, he does so just for a so-called, sex release.

Last edited by Chang Hiu; 08-03-2012 at 12:49 PM..
Bottled_Up
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Số Điểm: 17
Old 08-03-2012 , 09:21 AM     Bottled_Up est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Chang Hiu
Bottled_Up,
Don't be upset.
A man can go out for protistute but he still loves his wife, he does so just for a so-call, sex release.
i am not upset, not because i think its okay but because sadly it is reality and now reality it me.
of course i question love and trust so much now, but what go through a mans mind when he go buy that condom? when he does that deed, and the drive home does he think or have a concious? what about going back and doing it again and again?
do u men think it is RIGHT or just? or we wives should be thanking you because it's a prostitute and not a coworker/another women who will stick around and emotionally involved.

this is not without realizing it could NOT be a prostitute because it's only my assumption at this point i know he cheat i just dont know how and with who.
Baby Piggy
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Số Điểm: 617
Old 08-03-2012 , 09:29 AM     Baby Piggy est dconnect  search   Quote  
Lx is right seems like u two are falling out of love. U need to sit down and discuss this issue serious with him. Try to work it out if u can. If not possible then move on and find our own happiness. Living in misery is not a good environment for your daughter to grow up. Having a child does not prevent u from finding happiness again.

Best wishes
TheProtector
Gold Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Số Điểm: 3316
Old 08-03-2012 , 09:33 AM     TheProtector est dconnect  search   Quote  
Here is my opinion, from a guy pt of view, who rarely believe in 2nd chance or even true love. But after reading your story, I'd suggest you to give your marriage a 2nd chance. Here is why.

He was and still is a good husband(as you proudly put it). yes, maybe(big maybe) he made stupid mistakes by sleeping with another girl. But did he actually finally admit? seeing condoms is a big sign, but you can't prove that he did sleep with another one or not.

Let's assume that he did. As of right now, it looks like he realizes his stupid mistake and is correcting by responding to your requests. which is mostly sex request, since you mentioned it a lot.

But you need to get to the bottom of this to know what really happened. I don't see that from reading your thread. He has no choice but to tell you everything. After that, it's your call (assuming he is so sorry).

Give him, your marriage, a 2nd chance. If it happens again in the future, it's not too late to walk out. By then, I don't think anyone will suggest you to stay.

I hate to see in 10 yrs from now, you'll tell yourself "If I can turn back the hand of time, I'd give him, us, a 2nd chance"

Good luck with your decision
sugarNspice
Gold Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Số Điểm: 3505
Old 08-03-2012 , 11:12 AM     sugarNspice est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Chang Hiu
Bottled_Up,

Don't be upset.
A man can go out for protistute but he still loves his wife, he does so just for a so-call, sex release.
unbelievable !!!!!
camranhb@y
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2012
Số Điểm: 1218
Old 08-03-2012 , 11:33 AM     camranhb@y est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by sugarNspice
unbelievable !!!!! :
CH nói lời thật đó sugar, babe

Minh có đọc nhiều về mấy chuyện này rồi.

Đàn ông ko cấn phải yeu mới làm chuyện đó đâu....là sinh lý ....là needs đó....ko nhât thiết dính líu gì tới tình yeu cả.... Oh well, that's the way men are....u can't live with them, you can't live without them...what r we supposed to do.....we can't beat them, let's just join them


Chi KK, chị dễ cảm súc quá ha.....e chẳng bít nghĩ sao, hình như ko có gì đối với e là quan trọng lắm...có đó, mất đó....đau sót để làm gì, buồn chút rồi qua.....one door closes, another opens...
Ikwydls
Diamond Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Số Điểm: 8230
Old 08-03-2012 , 01:35 PM     Ikwydls est dconnect  search   Quote  
Đề nghị mods mang cái thread này qua bên "Serious Love Problem" forum ....
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