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LinhXa
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Old 08-03-2012 , 09:10 AM     LinhXa est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Bottled_Up
TieuLi & MucTim this is the point where i feel i would have been better off married to a white guy who would admit the problem and seek proffessional help and counseling with me.

I know having sex or sexual thoughts with ANYONE is cheating. Im just trying to understand the other perspective and approach from there. As for being and wittnessing the rigorous of childbirth. It could be possible but doesnt make it right.

its like we both went through lifes trauma, sad to have to discribe our daughter and I dont mean to. But we wil get past this? would u ladies was women work on this marriage? and wait it out?
yike do you understand the difference between sexual desire and commitment ???
MaiDaLat
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Old 08-03-2012 , 09:15 AM     MaiDaLat est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Bottled_Up
TieuLi & MucTim this is the point where i feel i would have been better off married to a white guy who would admit the problem and seek proffessional help and counseling with me.

I know having sex or sexual thoughts with ANYONE is cheating. Im just trying to understand the other perspective and approach from there. As for being and wittnessing the rigorous of childbirth. It could be possible but doesnt make it right.

its like we both went through lifes trauma, sad to have to discribe our daughter and I dont mean to. But we wil get past this? would u ladies was women work on this marriage? and wait it out?
If I am in your shoes ..I will try to work it out first ...At least give him another 6 months to see if the passion will come back...if not then íts time to file for divorce...

You can forgive him, but how can you deal with the disconect between you two, and the main problem is he is not sexually attract to you anymore?
Bottled_Up
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Old 08-03-2012 , 09:16 AM     Bottled_Up est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by LinhXa
seems like you have done more on your parts then most women would already .. i like the fact that you took the time after tending to the baby and give him the attention, most wives dont do this ..

he has tons of condom in his car and he has not touch you since ... well the sign is there but he has not admitted yet and how do you know he had sex with others ??? maybe your attitude turn him off ?? not your body ..

by what you said, you are one strong woman and and amber with opinions .. let be gentle and see if he responds ... I still think you should give him the benefit of the doubts ..

men appriciate women with understanding and not coming to conclusion and be able to debate effectively .. believe me women's attitude play at least 80% of the intimacy factors ...
wow i really appreciate your honest opinion and willingness to share. and i too understand it really is my attitude and not my body. i could be the lawyer in me wanting everything to be clear, clean and logical.
it has been a very violent blow to my selfesteem and outlook of reality. i hear my husband talking to our daughter and he said probably knowing I heard, he told her that "your mother is too smart. " and i feel like the dumbest wife in the world hearing that.
I heard a smart wife is one that knows how to pretend to be dumb, look the other way, pick her battles and know when to be hard and when to be soft. but the scholar in me just really want to know everything and it may be the wrong approach right now.

I'm so confused and hurt to think clearly. What if I'm just with a repeated cheater and i'm just making up excuses for him? what if we are going through a rough patch and i just want to toss my partner away with last night's trash?

maidalat that is my plan. i'm just not sure we can get through it.

Last edited by Bottled_Up; 08-03-2012 at 09:20 AM..
Bottled_Up
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Old 08-03-2012 , 09:19 AM     Bottled_Up est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by LinhXa
yike do you understand the difference between sexual desire and commitment ???
I do understand i just dont know if its in some men's strength and capablity to decipher between sexual desire and commitment. and i am wiling to explore and learn if thats the case.
No one is perfect and i can forgive mistake and learn/build from it, but what if i'm living a future of deception? and making excuses for it?

Last edited by Bottled_Up; 08-03-2012 at 09:22 AM..
Bottled_Up
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Old 08-03-2012 , 09:26 AM     Bottled_Up est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Muc_Tim
If I were you, I would focus on taking care of my
baby and myself. I would soften my voice/attidue.
We would have intimite conversations.
I would work with him at gradual pace to find
out why the condoms were in his car,
why he is not interested in having sex w/ me.
I would give him benefit of the doubt. Never
rush into divorcing

If I had a concret proof that he had sex w/ another
person, be it a prostitute or anybody else, I would
divorce his ass, if not, then I would have "an open" marriage
I dónt want to be a saint to forgive
& forget. Women have sex drive too!
I am doing what you WOULD have done. Only difference is, i am willing to write off the prostitute (IF and WHEN he wants to admit it) as a rough patch and we are both to blame and TRY To forgive. I dont even know if my efforts will work or I will resent the HELL out of our marriage.
Thought it would happen everyone, but not me I have the best husband in the world. Now what?
camranhb@y
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Old 08-03-2012 , 09:30 AM     camranhb@y est dconnect  search   Quote  
People say when someone cheats, something is definitely missing in the marriage. You guys need to sit down and seriously talk about this if you both want to continue the relationshiop. Ask him what was he looking for in the cheat that he did not get from you....why he felt it was necessary to do something like that.....what was the driving force behind doing that.....

Don't make any major decisions until you have clear answers.

G'luck!
Tu* Khoai
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Old 08-03-2012 , 09:48 AM     Tu* Khoai est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Bottled_Up
I am doing what you WOULD have done. Only difference is, i am willing to write off the prostitute (IF and WHEN he wants to admit it) as a rough patch and we are both to blame and TRY To forgive. I dont even know if my efforts will work or I will resent the HELL out of our marriage.
Thought it would happen everyone, but not me I have the best husband in the world. Now what?
Too much ego on both.

The wife is so adamant that the husband is cheating on her for some prostitute, a claim has yet proven.

The husband is in his solitude and not saying a word which drives the wife crazy.

Neither one would talk, discusss, or even venture to open a bit of mystery. Well, may be the husband is the one who is having a secret ? But he also adamantly claimed that he is not cheating the wife.

What ? how so ? not cheating but having a supply of condoms in the car ? This doesn't make sense at all. Could he all of a sudden realized that his sexual orientation .....has changed ? This could be the reason too.

----------

So, sit down and duke it out . See what's all this fuss about.
KimKhanh
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Old 08-03-2012 , 09:57 AM     KimKhanh est dconnect  search   Quote  
Dear sis,

I read your story and felt the pain that you are going through. I certainly hope you will find the solution and the peace soon for yourself so you can stay focus to take care of your young child.
camranhb@y
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Old 08-03-2012 , 10:00 AM     camranhb@y est dconnect  search   Quote  
so a 4k and chi KK, do you think he cheated on her?

I think he did. I am 100% sure
KimKhanh
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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Old 08-03-2012 , 10:11 AM     KimKhanh est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by camranhb@y
so a 4k and chi KK, do you think he cheated on her?

I think he did. I am 100% sure
hi em,

chị cũng nghĩ giống em. Đọc mà thấy đau lòng giùm cho người trong cuộc.

Chị cũng mong sao em gái ấy sáng suốt nhìn vào sự việc để biết mình làm gì (để mai này tìm lấy lại sự căng bằng trong cuộc sống để lo cho con và cho mình) vì cuộc đời này rõ là rất ngắn ngũi.
sugarNspice
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Số Điểm: 3505
Old 08-03-2012 , 10:12 AM     sugarNspice est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Chang Hiu
Bottled_Up,

Don't be upset.
A man can go out for protistute but he still loves his wife, he does so just for a so-call, sex release.
unbelievable !!!!!
LinhXa
Royal Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Số Điểm: 33155
Old 08-03-2012 , 10:17 AM     LinhXa est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Bottled_Up
wow i really appreciate your honest opinion and willingness to share. and i too understand it really is my attitude and not my body. i could be the lawyer in me wanting everything to be clear, clean and logical.
it has been a very violent blow to my selfesteem and outlook of reality. i hear my husband talking to our daughter and he said probably knowing I heard, he told her that "your mother is too smart. " and i feel like the dumbest wife in the world hearing that.
I heard a smart wife is one that knows how to pretend to be dumb, look the other way, pick her battles and know when to be hard and when to be soft. but the scholar in me just really want to know everything and it may be the wrong approach right now.

I'm so confused and hurt to think clearly. What if I'm just with a repeated cheater and i'm just making up excuses for him? what if we are going through a rough patch and i just want to toss my partner away with last night's trash?

maidalat that is my plan. i'm just not sure we can get through it.


I do understand i just dont know if its in some men's strength and capablity to decipher between sexual desire and commitment. and i am wiling to explore and learn if thats the case.
No one is perfect and i can forgive mistake and learn/build from it, but what if i'm living a future of deception? and making excuses for it?
ofcrouse this a big blow to your egos and self esteem .. marriage is not about having butterfly in your stomach and in love feeling... it's about love and love is a learning process to understand your partner to provide supports and share and share .. always think of partner first before doing anything ... to get there you must have trust and trust is obtaining by effective communication ... you two desperately need to work on the communication cause you were just kept on guessing right and left with his words and actions ... take walk together and talk and talk and share your daily activities .. practice this ...

sexual desire is a natural process and we human can not fight this .. the only thing we can do is the commitments to each others ...
sugarNspice
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Số Điểm: 3505
Old 08-03-2012 , 10:22 AM     sugarNspice est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Bottled_Up
I am doing what you WOULD have done. Only difference is, i am willing to write off the prostitute (IF and WHEN he wants to admit it) as a rough patch and we are both to blame and TRY To forgive. I dont even know if my efforts will work or I will resent the HELL out of our marriage.
Thought it would happen everyone, but not me I have the best husband in the world. Now what?
you are indeed a smart woman and I share your thoughts on this matter. You guys cant move forward until he either admits to cheating or explain why there are condoms in the glove compartment of his car. I cant think any good reason whatsoever for him to have condoms you knew nothing about . A marriage is hell on earth when the trust is gone

I applaud you for your efforts and I think you're strong passionate woman. While that is your strength, it could also be used against you. Dont you think you have always been the one trying to make the marriage work, from initiating intimacy to trying to get him to talk all the while he has not demonstrate any willingness to keep an open line communication ?

If you think you could live with the possibility of him cheating again, then by all mean, try your best. But if you dont think you can, better cut your losses now. People dont change, not until it's too little too late. Either you accept him as he is or you move on for yourself and your little one

When they have you thinking they're the most perfect husbands, that's when you know something is most definitely wrong and it's always the quiet ones.
Tu* Khoai
Banned
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Số Điểm: 24695
Old 08-03-2012 , 10:25 AM     Tu* Khoai est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by camranhb@y
so a 4k and chi KK, do you think he cheated on her?

I think he did. I am 100% sure
I think he cheated on her for some .....hot guys
camranhb@y
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2012
Số Điểm: 1218
Old 08-03-2012 , 10:33 AM     camranhb@y est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by sugarNspice
unbelievable !!!!! :
CH nói lời thật đó sugar, babe

Minh có đọc nhiều về mấy chuyện này rồi.

Đàn ông ko cấn phải yeu mới làm chuyện đó đâu....là sinh lý ....là needs đó....ko nhât thiết dính líu gì tới tình yeu cả.... Oh well, that's the way men are....u can't live with them, you can't live without them...what r we supposed to do.....we can't beat them, let's just join them


Chi KK, chị dễ cảm súc quá ha.....e chẳng bít nghĩ sao, hình như ko có gì đối với e là quan trọng lắm...có đó, mất đó....đau sót để làm gì, buồn chút rồi qua.....one door closes, another opens...
sugarNspice
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Số Điểm: 3505
Old 08-03-2012 , 10:35 AM     sugarNspice est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by camranhb@y
CH nói lời thật đó sugar, babe

Minh có đọc nhiều về mấy chuyện này rồi.

Đàn ông ko cấn phải yeu mới làm chuyện đó đâu....là sinh lý ....là needs đó....ko nhât thiết dính líu gì tới tình yeu cả.... Oh well, that's the way men are....u can't live with them, you can't live without them...what r we supposed to do.....we can't beat them, let's just join them


Chi KK, chị dễ cảm súc quá ha.....e chẳng bít nghĩ sao, hình như ko có gì đối với e là quan trọng lắm...có đó, mất đó....đau sót để làm gì, buồn chút rồi qua.....one door closes, another opens...
I know he spoke the truth. The unbelievable part is the audacity they have explaining themselves and have you or women to believe that just physical no love bullsh1t
Why???
Royal Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
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Old 08-03-2012 , 10:38 AM     Why??? est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by sugarNspice
I know he spoke the truth. The unbelievable part is the audacity they have explaining themselves and have you or women to believe that just physical no love bullsh1t
Well, it seems that you do not know much about men
sugarNspice
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Old 08-03-2012 , 10:40 AM     sugarNspice est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by Why???
Well, it seems that you do not know much about men
i dont need to know much about men .. i only need to know all i need to know about ONE man
loverprdise
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Old 08-03-2012 , 10:42 AM     loverprdise est dconnect  search   Quote  
Once a man cheated, he will never stop. Once a man lied he will always be a lier. I would take care of myself and the baby if i were u, I would give him a space for awhile, and let he thinks about it, don't force it too much. I can't never accept someone that cheats on me and can't admit it, what a looser! Getting help from counseling is a waste of money, if you can't save your marriage nobody can. Until then good luck!
Why???
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Old 08-03-2012 , 10:44 AM     Why??? est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by sugarNspice
i dont need to know much about men .. i only need to know all i need to know about ONE man
Then the ONE man and OTHER man are not the same ... It is a big temptation for being far away from home and wife
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