VietFun For All   Quick Language Chooser:

Go Back   VietFun For All > Solving Love > Serious Love Problem

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Yeu_Anh
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Số Điểm: 262
Old 04-03-2012 , 12:35 PM     Yeu_Anh est dconnect  search   Quote  
Hi guys, I dont want to make this into a big debate, a simple answer yes or no answer would be fine too. I just noticed that my husband have been showing some behaviors that I dont know would fit into the "pettiness" category. I love my husband, and like other couples we have our ups and downs but sometimes I wonder if he is being too petty. He tries to act generous when he goes out, but sometimes when we are at the end/beginning of a month where paychecks have been spent he starts bringing up stuff that have already happened. He keeps complaining about how much money we spend on food. We probably spend less than $300/month on food and he says thats a lot. He wants us to only spend about $200/month...and just cook 1 mon canh, 1 mon man. Before, I married him I wasnt like this. I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted...I get to buy whatever I wanted (not just food)...but now I am only limited to eating fishes that are less than $3/lb. Yesterday I went to express and saw a shirt I really liked that was on sale for $21 and I had to refrain from buying it because he said our rent is coming up, and no I dont mean to complain..just stating how my life changed.

He wants me to keep tab of every single penny that was spent, even gas. By the end of the week when he notice that the money is low he ask me "where did the money go?" I told him "uh, gas and food cost money". I spend it on necessary things like gas and food, not even a penny on myself and he keeps questioning me where his money went. I started to get angry and told him to keep his money so he dont have to ask me where it went. I thought men dont care about these little things, why does he?

Ever since I married him, I'm only working part time to focus on school. On a good month, I make $900 and I use over %60 of my money to help pay the bill. I'm kinda embarrassed to say this but this month I only had $85 left over after my part.

I ended up spending $40 on lunch 2x for both of us and asked if he could pay me back for one of those times since I dont have a lot of money. He said no and that its ok for me to treat him once in awhile. I would, if I had the money. Anyways, that is over with.

Last night he said he wanted to eat grilled seafood wrapped in rice paper. While shopping, I saw that these large shrimps were on sale for $10. I bought a bag. We happily ate last night. This morning he noticed his money decreased and he said we eat too much, should cut the shrimp in half.

One more thing I hate about him is that he doesnt help me out. I'm currently in the limbo stage dont know if I am pregnant or not (kinda praying that I'm not). When he's not working he spends almost 24h/day playing his stupid soccor game. I had to go grocery shopping last night by myself. As if that werent enough, I had to carry 3 heavy bags up 3 flight of stairs to our apartment. Then I had to prepare and cook ALL myself! At that time, he just sat there and played hsi soccer game. The only thing he did for me was load the clothes into the dryer and let the dogs out.

He said that I am not good about keeping our place clean...so the other day I did a through cleanup of the place. I requested him to help me maintain it. He agreed. Well guess what? I have to pick up after him. He sits in one place and plays his soccer game and leaves the dirty dishes, fruit peels, fruit drinks (until it gets moldy) on the coffee table and he complains why our place stinks. Seriously, sometimes I feel like not only am I living with a petty man, I am also living with a big baby that I have to work hard to take care of.

I tell him to spend less time on the soccer game and he yells at me saying that he works hard and should get to play. He spends soo much time on the game that I feel like I dont even have a husband. Oh my goodness, I dont know what to do! Sorry for the long post, I just had to release my frustration. Thanks for reading.
Man_VF
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Số Điểm: 443
Old 04-03-2012 , 01:42 PM     Man_VF est dconnect  search   Quote  
Yes. He is to stingyyyyyyyyyyy.
Asante-Sana
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Số Điểm: 257
Old 04-03-2012 , 01:43 PM     Asante-Sana est dconnect  search   Quote  
Don't cook for him :) when he sees is fat bank account, but have an empty tummy :) suggestion là hốt không khí vào ăn save money that way :) cheers
ibored
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Số Điểm: 11
Old 04-03-2012 , 02:57 PM     ibored est dconnect  search   Quote  
OMG. Yes, he is very petty and stingy and so cheap too.

I met many people like your husband. (in my dating stage, of course. They makes me want to vomit. I'm so glad I got out).

I'm sorry to say that you married to a greedy person who only cares about himself. It takes two to tango in marriage.

Well, u don't need advice. But I like to say: try to stop mothering him. You are his wife, not his mother. When meal time, leave. Do not cook for him or anything. Find some light meal for your own, and eat on your own. See if he can survive without food if he doesn't want to spent. If he asked why don't you cook, just tell him the truth. You don't have enough money.
EmBuonWua27
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Số Điểm: 42
Old 04-03-2012 , 03:56 PM     EmBuonWua27 est dconnect  search   Quote  
Two words for you sista.

Divorce him!!! ehehehe
Maxwell
Gold Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Số Điểm: 3961
Old 04-04-2012 , 07:48 AM     Maxwell est dconnect  search   Quote  
Let put some positive thought into this because it is not easy to just say "I'm done with you" in marriage. You guys ain't bf/gf anymore. chosen into marriage is chosen into consequences. Here what I am thinking about your husband, he's lazy and inconsiderate, with this economy and you are in school, cheap or stingy or petty is not the right way to describe unless he makes more than 50K a year. Tell him what bother you and together figure out how to handle finance if you want to keep this marriage any longer because it is probably one of the biggest issue marriage couple deal with every day. You don't have to be mean or anything, point out fact and honesty into the discusion what bother you and ask him to do the chores too, being a husband doesn't mean you automatic have a mate. Here is a catch, next time he asks for sex, give him the soccer game. he'll learn pretty quick. Good luck.
huavanteo
Gold Member
Join Date: May 2011
Số Điểm: 3088
Old 04-04-2012 , 10:52 AM     huavanteo est dconnect  search   Quote  
oh my lord, this is me

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Yeu_Anh
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Số Điểm: 262
Old 04-04-2012 , 12:09 PM     Yeu_Anh est dconnect  search   Quote  
Thanks for all of your advices. To be honest, I am the type that usually keep quiet. I dont nag or complain because I know it will just result in an argument. If I ask for help and he doesnt do it, I just stay quiet and do it myself. There's only 2 things that he enjoys, either reading soccer news or watching soccer. He prefer soccer over sex. I try to keep myself nice for him, showering before bed, use perfume before hoping into bed, heck I even went to the point of using feminine wash and using feminine spray to keep me smelling nice and guess what? After he's done with his game at 3am he's too exhausted to touch me, and even if he tried to I'd probably smack him. I dont even go the extra mile anymore. If I try to interfer with his game he will get angry. One time I had to go past the tv to pick up some stuff and he said I was blocking him. I dont want to brag or anything, but I dont think I am a bad wife, being raised in the us, I still keep my traditional values. My mom taught me that I have to take good care of husband and thats what I am doing but he's not appreciating me. I get compliments every where we go like his friends say "Tu co vo dep, nau an gioi, and have such a sweet voice con muon gi nua". I thought thats enough to keep his heart, but unfortunately he's been seduced by his online opponents. My mom was the one who taught me all these values, and now even she is pissed off. A lot of people tell me to tempt him by bringing sex into play such as walking naked. Trust me, the only time I have clothes on is when I'm outside of the house. I'm afraid he's too used to seeing me naked. Omg I can go on and on and on to the point that I'm gonna flood vf.

I'm not the type who will run and get a divorce every time something happens. I'm a calm person, but being stingy on food...seriously?

So many times I have been tempted to send him this text

"You're such a jerk. I hope I win the lottery someday so I can leave your sorry ass behind. You are such a show off, and ignorant human being. I wish I can cheat on you someday and make you watch."

but of course I will never do that, its something that I daydream about doing.

He always make fun of me because I am not light skinned enough. He wants me to be pale...like sickly pale. I have fair skin but not to the point of being pale and everytime he sees some one who's Indian or Mexican he mockingly says "hey look, go say hi to your family"...OMG I am so f'ing pissed off. I told him to stop but he wouldnt. He always brag about how handsome he is, well thats what he thinks. He's my husband and even I dont think he's that good looking. He's the same height as me 5'3 and he keeps saying that he's taller just because he spikes his hair. I had to walk bare foot during our wedding reception just to be the same height as him. I wish I was 1-2 inch taller than him so he can shut up about it. I know some guys who love girls in heels, but he only wants me to wear flats. Ok, I'm gonna stop here. Thinking about him gives me a headache.

Last edited by Yeu_Anh; 04-04-2012 at 12:13 PM..
vivian02
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Số Điểm: 101
Old 04-04-2012 , 12:29 PM     vivian02 est dconnect  search   Quote  
Yeu-Anh...uhhh...was you the one who posted about "dramas" between you , your mom & your molested dad :-)...if so, you SEEM to have LOTS of problems in your daily life? or you're just....bored :-)
I thought you said your husband LOVE you.....what happened?:wink
ibored
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Số Điểm: 11
Old 04-04-2012 , 02:15 PM     ibored est dconnect  search   Quote  
sound like u married a child.

I shuddered when i read ur story. U brought back the history that has haunted me for 3 years.

Also sound like you guys don't have respect for each other. Maybe you should try counseling as the next to last option.
Yeu_Anh
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Số Điểm: 262
Old 04-04-2012 , 05:46 PM     Yeu_Anh est dconnect  search   Quote  
[QUOTE=vivian02;9075079]Yeu-Anh...uhhh...was you the one who posted about "dramas" between you , your mom & your molested dad :-)...if so, you SEEM to have LOTS of problems in your daily life? or you're just....bored :-)
I thought you said your husband LOVE you.....what happened?:wink[/QUOTE]

Yes I am the one who posted problems about my mom and my molester stepdad please know the difference because I do not consider him my dad. Unfortunately, I do have a lot of dramas ever since the day I was born, but its not my fault. Sorry, but I dont have a lot of spare time on my hands to make up a handful of stories. Dau co ai muon di va.ch lu*ng cho nguoi ta coi, unless they really need the help. If these stories were made up, it would take some one with a very creative mind and a lot of free time on their hands to keep coming up with stories of a sensitive nature. Fake posters wont even bother replying when they run out of ideas, or comeback. If you think my stories are made up, so be it. I just find it really disrespectful when I brought up the courage and reveal personal experiences and some people judge or dont have nice things to say. Why bother reading my thread in the first place even if you spent 5 minutes reading it and concluded/assumed its made up why waste another 2 minutes posting. Isnt that wasting more of your time? Yes my husband used to be a great man, until the soccer game took over his life.
Deathesy02
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2009
Số Điểm: 691
Old 04-04-2012 , 08:31 PM     Deathesy02 est dconnect  search   Quote  
lol im sorry my dear wife. after reading what you said and how you feel about me, please let me explain myself.

you see, i was born an ahole. as a child, i was the reason your sons and daughters came home crying. as a teenager, i stole your bike. as i got older, you got too fat.

bringing home a ton of bacon is not enough, now you want seafood. regular shrimp wont do, you want jumbo shrimp. those jumbo shrimps are too heavy for a fat woman to carry up 3 flight of stairs so i rented an apartment on the third floor.
Maxwell
Gold Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Số Điểm: 3961
Old 04-05-2012 , 01:57 AM     Maxwell est dconnect  search   Quote  
let me take my last message back. here is what is wrong with you, forget about what wrong with your husband, (we can't solve his problem), your problem is that you belief what your mother tell you, it doesn' matter where your live or born, being a good wife is always a plus but a husband want a good wife, he needs to earn it, where and what is your standards? The bottom line is he is not interested in you anymore why bother stay around? but before you make decision on separating, you should confront him everything, put everything on the table. Don't afraid of the unknow, if he ain't take care of you, you should take care of yourself. Being healthy alone is better sick with someone.
CupCua
Platinum Member
Join Date: Nov 2001
Số Điểm: 5216
Old 04-05-2012 , 02:20 AM     CupCua est dconnect  search   Quote  
[QUOTE=Yeu_Anh;9072103] We probably spend less than $300/month on food and he says thats a lot. He wants us to only spend about $200/month...and just cook 1 mon canh, 1 mon man. .[/QUOTE]



:confused: ;) :rolleyes: your husband wants to spend $200/ month for foods for two people ??? :confused: :lol: :confused: are you kiđing me??? If that what he wants, thì nấu cám cho him ăn :lol: Nói với him là có người bạn sống ở farm có nuôi 2 con ủn ỉn :D :lol: và cho nó ăn cám ,,, :lol: mỗi tháng chỉ tốn có $199 thui ,,, save cho him được $1 every month :lol:
đạibàng
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Số Điểm: 783
Old 04-05-2012 , 03:48 AM     đạibàng est dconnect  search   Quote  
But....But who lets the dogs out?
Polo079
Gold Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Số Điểm: 3603
Old 04-05-2012 , 04:04 AM     Polo079 est dconnect  search   Quote  
[QUOTE=Asante-Sana;9072244]Don't cook for him :) when he sees is fat bank account, but have an empty tummy :) suggestion là hốt không khí vào ăn save money that way :) cheers[/QUOTE]



please: :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :cheer

I have a cousin, who having a selfish boy friend, whom just look at how much she eat and leave all the works for her to do by herself, I told her better leaving this selfish guy or leave him hungry, has to cook for himself, then he may change...God know when! :D :D :D
Yeu_Anh
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Số Điểm: 262
Old 04-05-2012 , 05:20 AM     Yeu_Anh est dconnect  search   Quote  
[QUOTE=Deathesy02;9075695]lol im sorry my dear wife. after reading what you said and how you feel about me, please let me explain myself.

you see, i was born an ahole. as a child, i was the reason your sons and daughters came home crying. as a teenager, i stole your bike. as i got older, you got too fat.

bringing home a ton of bacon is not enough, now you want seafood. regular shrimp wont do, you want jumbo shrimp. those jumbo shrimps are too heavy for a fat woman to carry up 3 flight of stairs so i rented an apartment on the third floor.[/QUOTE]

Ok, you really confused me. Are you just being sarcastic? Who said I bought jumbo shrimps? They are just large shrimps, not jumbo and the only reason I bought it was because it was on sale. Secondly, he was the one who suggested we eat seafood, not me, and what does fat has to do with all of this? If you read my original post, I am currently in the limbo stage, not knowing if I am pregnant or not. I bought way more than those shrimps, shrimps wouldnt be 3 bagful of groceries, but I guess I dont have to explain myself to you do I? I have read your other replies from other threads and you have nothing productive to say.
white16lily
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Số Điểm: 389
Old 04-05-2012 , 06:17 AM     white16lily est dconnect  search   Quote  
@ YeuAnh, Deathesy02 is kind of sarcastic :hug :hello:
*DomDo'm*
Platinum Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Số Điểm: 5425
Old 04-05-2012 , 09:19 AM     *DomDo'm* est dconnect  search   Quote  
Sorry;

You have married to a sociopath. Yup, that's what a sociopath is like in a marriage. I am deeply sorry to hear what you have to go through. People like your husband exist in about 3% of the population. There will not be any good coming out of beeing associated with a sociopath. You will never ever feel fullfilled, appreciated, or wholesome with a sociopath.


My suggestion to you is, focus on your schooling, once you've got a full-time job....divorce him. When you have free time do more research on sociopathic behavior... you will see that you're a victim... He will never be capable of having deep feelings for you...RUN......!!!
*DomDo'm*
Platinum Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Số Điểm: 5425
Old 04-05-2012 , 09:23 AM     *DomDo'm* est dconnect  search   Quote  
And one more thing....I hope you are not pregnant. If you are, it's okay, but be prepared to handle the road solo. Your husband will not love your children. To him, they are only possesions. You husband is not petty, he's only a sociopath.
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

 
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:57 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.