I've been married to my wife for about 5 years. We are both in our mid 30s. For the most part we have got along well and she has not only been my wife and lover but my closest friend. We have spent much time together, and have been almost inseparetable.

The other day I got news that was devastating.

She told me she had sexual encounters with another man (2 times actually). Not only that, it was my best friend of 7 years. And, it all transpired at MY HOUSE while I was away working. Not to mention, he has been married for 5 years and has 2 kids.

Well after this all went down I confronted him and his wife about it and he flat out denied anything took place. He says she is making it up.

I told her to move out, and now she pretty much has no place to live. Shes staying at family members house temporarilly.

But on phone conversations she continues to swear everything she said is true. She has described many details about the experiences, and says she has nothing to gain by admitting to it.

She wrote me a long letter telling me about how sorry she was about everything and how she wished she could change what happened. She has been crying and is afraid to lose me. I say she should of thought about that before she did those things. Dont ask why she would have done it, nobody knows.

She has no history of lying, cheating, or deceit. For the most part of our 5 years of marrying to eachother she has been honest and giving, kind hearted, and caring.

I do not know what to do, They both have their story about what happened, but who to believe. It's obvious that one of the two people would have to be lying, but who?

Getting to the truth is just part of the challenge. But whether to forgive either of the two people I was closest to and trusted with my life, that is something else. I am completely devastated. I had sought counceling at a local hospital but they did not have any one available after hours. I have turned to a few friends about it but still do not have any more answers.

Can you even forgive someone for something like this? I guess every individual is different. Every case is different. I dont know.

Someone told me that todays society is so messed up people cheat all the time, even with the friends of their spouses. They said my case is really not that unusual. Is it?

(You know its funny, as I was writing this letter she had called me 3 times. I answered on the 3rd call (avoided the first two). She said if I need anything at all to let her know. Like food, house supplies, or my back itched.)

All I really want is for this nightmare to be over with.
So many memories with each of them just haunt me now.
Its going to be a long time to heal.

Any advice please?

Why did she tell you this story, nobody know. True or not, she told you something unforgivable. File for divorce and move on with your life. In a vietnamese society, the couple need to love each other with all their heart and soul. This is not a white society, you can't let her do something like that to you.

"But on phone conversations she continues to swear everything she said is true."

wat the hell is she trying to do? Make you angrier?

206x

No, she does not afraid to lose you for a few reasons:

1. She cheated (true or not, she was thinking about that).
2. She told you what happened. If she afraid to lose you, at least she tried to hide it.

It does not matter her story is true or not, I would not forgive her. Let her free, and continue your life. I know it is hard, but you need to try. Go travel or do something that you like to do to forget her. Go back to VN for awhile.

johnNg:
She is telling the truth!!!!

1. her guilty conscience got the better of her

2. your friend is covering it up b/c he doesnt want to lose his family...if he admits it then his family goes down the drain...
men just want sex and doesnot necessarily love you...lol

3. As she has no history of lying or anything like that , you should forgive her..a moment of weakness...and let it be...

Well this is a very hard situation to give advice since I don't have experience in a marriage life. I've always thought that when I get marry later on, and my spouse cheats on me, I would never forgive him. I say that because I'm not married and it is hard to say good bye to someone that has lived with you for a long time and you love him/her...In your case, your wife doesn't have history of lying, deciful, etc.,...and you and her have two kids...and she's admitting the truth now means that she doesnt' want to lose you...in this case you can try to forgive her...i know this is hard because she has sexual intercourse with a man not one but two times??.....if one time could be be forgiven...but two times...??>....now its hard to me to give advice since i always hate cheaters, it doesnt' matter one or two times, once a cheaters, always a cheaters....well in conclusion, i think that you need to really think again about forgiving her or not.....

Like YenNhi22, I too, am NOT married, so I shouldn't offer any advices. I do hope though that you think things thoroughly before making any drastic plans and decisions. Take some time off to be with one another and see if you can work things out. You do deserve to give each other that chance considering all those years you've been together and what you've shared.

It's easy to say "I QUIT", but it's a lot harder to work things out. Down the line, once you've conquered this obstacle, for better or worse, it makes you a stronger person.

Good luck.

Miss Holly

I forgave my wife 2 times . one time was 2 years ago and 1 time with another man at her work place 1 year ago. when I went to vietnam she here tried to look for some1 too so when I got back here I dumped her ass for good . Ngua quen duong cu~, sluts can't be changed. so yo better dump her now or regret later . lotta fish in the sea .

no neeed to worry now that god has retuned to earth or
the Lord Of The Rings is real.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff1xZNddQIE

johnng said she did it for 2 times. 2 times shouldnt b "a moment of weakness".

MaNuVoTinh:
johnng said she did it for 2 times. 2 times shouldnt b "a moment of weakness".


with the same guy...might be on the same day...lol what about him going away??? may be he's cheating too??

John, listen to all of the above great advice. Sorry, it's beyond my comprehension to understand a man or a woman with 2 KIDS and still fool round with other TWICE.

There is not time for joke. This is the time to think with CLEAR head and make decision.

If I were in your shoes, I would definitely shed a lot of tears and make a difficult decision to move on. I can't find any good excuse to forgive a spouse to fool around TWICE. I probably have tremenous pain, but I need to stay strong for the kids.

johnNg,


Sorry about your problem. It's hard for a Vietnamese man to forgive a cheathing wife....Many of us will file for a divorce and move on. I think you need sometime to think and determine what to do with your life!
Good luck,

HH :(

Oops!!! Thank you for laughing. I should have read more carefully

Holly oi! Chieu nay minh ra nha hang Favori an cá nướng da dòn cuốn bánh tráng chấm mắm niêm, em nhé!

women usually cheat b/c of the mental need ..not physical .... ever ask her why???

usually a person got cheat automatically claims the other person ... rather then ask why did i do wrong?

however ..as husband and wife.. one when feels unhappy,mentaly, or physicall, it's will be a respectable and happy relationship if he/she tells the other person the problem rather than seeking something else to fulfill that need.

she is wrong for disrespecting the marriage .. the ball is in ur court now!
good luck and hope things will be better for u!

I don't think that your wife lied about what she told you. She is an honest person by telling the truth. If she have already told you, that shows me that she loves you and want to be with you one more time. It could be truth that your friend seduced your wife and it was not all her mistakes.

If you do love her, you should forgive her. However, you must accept that this relationship is not going to be a normal one again. It is you who sacrify yourself for the sake of her happiness. (not your happiness).

Second option is to divorce and end the relationship with a lot of sadness and unforgetable memories... but in the long term when you find another wife, you will be better off with your life. Once she cheated you, she likely does the same again in the future.

Hope that you feel much better with many good inputs. What's a story of the day when I read this.

Good luck.

Vo em da thu toi voi em tat ca nhung su that va lam loi neu nhu em la nguoi rong luong, va van con thuong vo em thi nen cho co ta co mot co hoi de chuoc lai loi lam, o doi nay co may ai co loi ma dam nhan loi thanh that nhu co ta.

Em nen suy nghi lai tinh nghia vo chong du sao cung 5 nam chung song, vui buon, ngheo giau co nhau. mot phut lam loi em khong nen tu*. huy~ diet tinh yeu va hanh phuc cua minh

Chuc Em Sang Suot quyet dinh cho minh
Good Luck
Men

I feel for you. I went through the same thing and realized my wife had playing me all those years even when we was dating. She looked and begged miserily for me to be back.
It is the personality. U can change a country but not one's personality.

Cheating is sickness, there is no cure. Please move on with your life. Trust me, so paintful, I was in your shoe before. The sooner you leave her, the better for you. Be strong. You are only in 30s.

The problem is you can't trust her anymore. I agree with Javaman, some women, not all, they are not satisfied eventhought they got everything. The bottom line is you can't satify her in someway, sooner or later, she is gone again.

I dated a woman and she lived 3 lives at the same time. One with me, one with her bf, and one with whoever has a big paycheck. I met her again 7 years later, she is the same. You got it, they never change and never will.

Jonh,
Sorry about your difficult situation. I am not sure why your wife on one side says she loves you and does not want to lose you, onthe other side she describes to you details of her cheating with another man. Perhaps she feels guilty and wants out her guilt, or she just wants you to hear it.
I guess the hardest part of you now is whether to forgive her and also forget the mistakes she's made. Or you are afraid that you going to regret later after you have forgiven her that you can never overcome this haunting sadness and live in sorrow.
THe future is always uncertain. I guess you have to choose: one is to move on; the other is forgive and sacrifice your devastation and build your family again, albeit difficult.

I have advice that you should ask your wife:
why did she cheat? what made her feel that she risked everything just for a fling? ask her what you have done to make her cheat?
I think the bottom line is there are no perfect solutions, but you should ask her to get closer. From there you can generate answers and solutions and can help you decide what you want to do. I wish you and your family best of luck.

darien