maybe you cant please and make her happy like ur friend did ... etc.. example : XXX ..

woman when their men cant satisfy their desire , they will look for other can ..

so sorry to hear of situation bro, like bro j-tml nói đó , right now time is your only answer for the moment . Time to heal, time to sort things out where you want to take things from here .

Cheating is not a sickness , sorry to contradict whoever have said it . IT's a choice !


But her EGO is too big for your marriage .

you both need to see a marriage counsellor to get to the root of the problems in your relationship .


May GOD blesses you and your familỵ +

JohnNg,

I'm sorry about your situation but I think since there are no kids involved, it would be best for both of you to part ways. It takes an extraordinary man to forgive and forget something like that. We all have weak moments and need to be forgiven but something like that...

I wish you great strength so you can deal w/ it wisely.

anhbatron.

Hey I give a credit for your wife's honesty. Why the earth does she become so brave to tell you the truth? If I were her...hell no. Never!!!!!!!!!!!! She should shut her mouth and silently cure her cheating illness.

I intended to cheat on my ex but turned out not. I would feel bad if I did that, so I rather break up with him then be with another guy. LOLz. Woman cheated because of mentally and emotionally. Basically You can't give what she needs or what she wants. You don't give her time to spend with you. You hang out with your friends and let your wife alone at home. If a dude wants to seduce her in a momentary her heart would become soft and will cheat. If advice you to forgive your wife just only one time. If the situation ever exists again then you can consider a DIVORCE FILE.

Hi,

I think you should give her another chance, good thing that she has confessed to you and told you everything, because she feels bad for lying to you, as she has no history of being cheated. I think she is telling you the truth, your bestfriend denied those things with your wife, because he is affraid to lose his family and just having fun with your wife.

I know thing like this hard to forget and hard to forgive. But if you still love her, give yourself sometime to forgive her, before accept her back, but of course you would never can forget what has happened. Stop being friend with your best mate or whatever you wanted to chose.

I believe in life that everyone do something wrong in their life, but once I they has realise that what they did was wrong and confessed and hoping the person they love would forgive them. I think her guilt is eating her inside and she must love you to confess to you.

Give her just one and only chance and see how it's goes, but if she did it twice thne find yourself another wife.

I totally agree with Miss Holly! First, I would sit down and sort this problem through as TOGETHER, if you still want this marriage to work. Then, ask her why she did it? And finally, thank her for being honest with you and also apologized to her about her reaction. Now, be considerate and understanding husband, okie??

Some very good responses in this thread but I think you need to talk to a marriage counsellor. Her, too. My advice: only you can decide if you can forgive her. You can't ask others even counsellors whether you should or not. If you are willing to give her another chance, you realize she will have to regain your trust. That could take a long time. If you stay together, it's adviseable that you take things slow so no kids and first get to the bottom of the issues leading to her deceipt and straying.

assuming what your wife said is true, i can't understand why any man would forgive their spouse from cheating.

if a man and a woman can't be faithful to one another about the most sacred thing (intercourse) in a relationship, then nothing else matters in that relationship.

In America, people say: Once a cheater, always a cheater. In VN, there's a saying: vo chong nhu ao' thay.

To me If the woman loved me enough, she wouldn't have cheated on me. She wouldn't have even thought about cheating. When a woman cheats, she always finds excuses to cover up her guilt and tries to blame that on her man. If I had a small penis, she would say I didn't satisfy her. If I had a big one, she would say it hurt her. And then all the craps like: "he didn't go out, he didn't care for me, he was always busy...". Yes, it would be all about her, for her and/or not for her. The fact is that she is a cheater. Cheating is a lowest thing one can do to someone who loves and cares for her/him, and so cheating is very hurtful. It is like backstabbing.

To me if a woman doesn't have love, care, respect and integrity for her husband, she is like "clothes" (ao' thay). Those women people could get in one phone call. Why spending my life with? Why trying to build a family with? Why carrying a bag of trash and a headache around? Will she be able to teach my daughter about integrity, faithfulness, love or will she tell her it's OK and fun to cheat from time to time? She couldn't even keep her legs closed when needed!

I would say bye nicely and leave, with or without kids. There's always a prettier, younger woman available out there. And there may be love, too.

I don't believe in counselling. I know a lot of counsellors who are cheaters as well. They have their own issues they can't even solve for themselves. I would use my money for more meaningful things such as a house or a car. Ultimately, I would be the one who makes the decision.

johnNG,

Let's me take one more stab at this:

By now, you've probably been told why she did what did. Was it physical attraction to your so-called best friend of 7 years, or was she attracted to him emotionally ?

If it was physical attraction, it's time to part ways and move on because like people said in here " Once a cheater always a cheater."

But if she fell for him emotionally, then you've got some issues yourself that need to be worked out or improved upon. If this is the case, then the relationship might be worth saving because unknowingly you were a part of the problem. It will be tough though, especially when you 2 are intimate again.....Like I said earlier, it takes a special man to forgive and forget this situation.
Good luck.

anhbatron

passyby and anhbatron, you both have interesting viewpoints. It's very convincing. I think one of the problems is how trivial the sacred vow of marriage is nowadays regardless of culture. It means squat. Staying with and loving your partner also means didley.

At the very least, break up or divorce before cheating.

Breaking up before seeing and having sex with someone else is all right. It wouldn't be cheating then.

I agree with Oakland. The whole thing is basically simple as that. If one wants to fool around, don't get married. If one loves and marries, one won't cheat. Once the symbolic vow of marriage-love is broken , nothing matters any more in that relationship.

Jonh:

The best revenge would be to live well and be happy!

1) This is what I would do if you have NO kids:

THAT MEANS: take all the money out of the savings account and buy YOSELF an M6 ( in someone else's name, of course) , get a YOUNG girlfriend and drive up to your SOON-TO-BE-EX and hand her the divorce paper!

2) This is what I would do if you HAVE kids:

THAT MEANS: take all the money out of the savings account and buy YOSELF an M6 ( in someone else's name, of course) , get a YOUNG girlfriend (TELL THE KIDS THIS IS THEIR NEW MOMMY) and drive up to your SOON-TO-BE-EX and hand her the divorce paper!

OK all the women out there, stop bashing me already! This is just a thought! If anything I would do, it would be the M6!

kt

I don't agree with Anhbatron about the emotional and physical issues. To me that's just another ambiguous excuse for her cheating.

Generally in a relationship, both husband and wife have an equal responsibility in working out all the issues together. In this case, if she thinks her husband has problems, she should have talked and worked them out with him. If he is no hope, then divorce him, call the cops to take him to jail or whatever. She shouldn't cheat and then blames the victim. That's wrong. That's cheap. She's the one who commits adultery, but her husband needs to look at a mirror to improve himself?

Not to put it close minded.
Which ever reasons there are? either physically or emotional. It just another excuse to cheat. either way it's wrong.

If she was physically attract to your friend, which mean she is not physically attract to you any longer.

If she is emotionally attach to your friend, then there shouldn't be anything left for you.

Hence either way it's -->>>> HELL.

Now, the issue is the 2 kids you have. File a divorce and get the course to assign the kids to you. However kids still need their mother, so you should let her visit them once a week or so. If you feel that is not neccessary, then put a restrain order.

Either way, it's a legal and Solid decision from your side.

From what i understand even if you forgive her, how can you guaranteed that never gonna happen again in the near future?

If someone that not into you, anymore that she never will be.

NOTE: maybe you should also ask urself, why ?? why did she do that?? Maybe the problem is also on your side??

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Sorry I can't give you advice but I can tell you how I cheated myself out of those darkest days in hope that you might find it useful. I would make myself busy enough to make me temporarily forget about my current situation. This is to buy time for my emotion to heal. I believe that time will solves everything. It will erase my anger, it will take away my sadness. It will prove anything I wanted to prove. I just have to give myself sometime to sort things out. Another thing that I did was giving some of my money to charity. I found out later that it worked really well on me. By the act of giving, I was improving my confidence because it make me feel like I am a better person. Another important thing that I did is working out. I work out everyday because I learn that working out is the best way to release stress and gain confidence. I also concentrate alot on my positive side. I was thinking like this: By the act of giving to charity, I am not useless; I am educated; I am not ugly; I have a nice body because of working out everyday. I know I sound a llittle self centered, but it helps me concentrate on myself and forget about my current situation. Anyway, this is my experience. Wish you well and don't feel sad because cheating people are not any happier than the cheated.

No matter how you rationalize it, you can never be happy through living with the one who had betrayed you. You can try to forget and to forgive, but you will never completely do so.

Somewhere along the line, something or someone will remind you the wound that she had inflicted upon you and the memories will come back and the pain will be as fresh as it's yesterday...

There is nothing more difficult than to love those who betrayed you, not many can do it. Living with one and trying to love one like that is even harder. If you can then good for you, you will be in the same rank of the Saints. Unfortunately there are only a handful of Saints in the history of men.

People say that time can heal many wounds. Being betrayed is not one of those wounds.


be strong and good luck!

Sad...yes this society is a messed up one indeed...wEll,,i think the other guy was a chicken ass...I don't know the reason why your wife confessed but to think that she can't live with herself; her guilt is eating away at her...why else would she confess?? The key here is do you still love your wife?? Do you still want to be with her? Can you live without her? If the answer is No then it's easy...you sit down and have a talk ....find out why she did what she did..."" Usually women who cheat because their certain needs are not being fulfilled "" Ask what it is that made her took that step...After identifying the core of the problem..see if it is something that you can deposit into her emotional account..Again, this advice is to be taken only if you love or still want to be with her...it's not easy of course but with love still there there will still be hope...it's easy to destroy but hard to build...look at the issue in a constructive manner...what's done is done...but the future you can still modify...Good luck!!!

Can't live without a cheating wife?

" Usually women who cheat because their certain needs are not being fulfilled ". What needs? More penises? Was she mute while living with her husband? All of a sudden after cheating, she is not mute anymore and so she confesses. Like she is the only one who has needs that are not fulfilled. I have a lot of needs that are not fulfilled, therefore I just go cheat now?

I would give her some credits for having the guts to confess. Some women cheat but act like Mother Theresa or a lady who has never been kissed before.

I'm curious. How did you find out that she cheated? She just told you out the blue one day or what?