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thirtysome
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Old 07-16-2006 , 01:03 AM       Quote  
What do you think of married guys who are occasionally having encounters with escort girls ? Many of my successful friends are doing this and think there's nothing wrong with it if they still can provide a good life for their wife and kids. I know this is morally wrong, but most married guys I know think this is fine, as long as you can afford it, keep it discreet within yourself (just like having masturbation) and just don't get too addicted. Going to strip bars, having lapdances or nude massages, having sex with escort girls are the normal hobbies of alot of unmarried guys (including me when I was unmarried) and it seems to be morally acceptable by society; but what about for married men ?

Personally, I have not thought about this for 8 years since I got married; but lately, I have changed my views. A successful man who's financially successful, on top of that, can have some fun encounters with beautiful women (paid or non-paid) as long as his number one priority in life is still his wife and family.

Girls: please share your opinion on this. If your husband has taken extremely good care of the family (financially well-off and raise the children well), does he deserve to have some erotic fun with his friends like having lapdances, nude messages, sex with high-class escorts etc.. ? How far is too far ? Would he be forgiven if you found out he has some encounters with some high-class escorts ( and yet your sex life with him is still good and he doesn't think of anyone else when he has sex with you) ? I need some affirmations from people before deciding on my own.

- D.
newVTBINH
Banned
Join Date: Oct 2005
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Old 07-16-2006 , 02:10 AM     newVTBINH est dconnect  search   Quote  
Would it be okay if your wife had the same view as you do? Which means she could sleep around with other men, and when she got home, she still be your wife and a good mother of your kids. Would you be able to accept that?

Let's play a fair game here.
kt10689
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Số Điểm: 794
Old 07-16-2006 , 03:48 AM     kt10689 est dconnect  search   Quote  
Indeed, what's good for the goose is good for the gander!

And I am dude, Ok!



kt
moonnocean
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Join Date: Feb 2005
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Old 07-16-2006 , 04:00 AM     moonnocean est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by newVTBINH
Would it be okay if your wife had the same view as you do? Which means she could sleep around with other men, and when she got home, she still be your wife and a good mother of your kids. Would you be able to accept that?

Let's play a fair game here.

...i am agree you...

...so 30+, tell us how you feel ?....
ttrinav
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Join Date: May 2006
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Old 07-16-2006 , 04:35 AM     ttrinav est dconnect  search   Quote  
So why don't we all have opened relationships ... I won't mind to see my husband with some escorts but definitely would find myself with some lovers on the side of the relationship while remaining as a couple for the kids. If that the case why would anyone want to stay in the marriage in the first place ? Is it marriage based on commitment and honesty ? I mean you lie to yourself, to your wife & to your kids. This thing is ridiculous & irresponsible (not thinking that you might bring diseases to her in many ways) ... I am wondering how these men would react if they only know while they spend their time with their escort, their wife also spend time with their lover.

Would you dare to have an opened relationship with your wife knowing the risk that you might loosing her ?

Of course you don't want to loose it all (loosing your face with your family & everyone, money & kids) & face the divorce .. If you are a real man .. then have the gust to stay truth & do something decent.

If I were your wife, I would divorce you .. & still get the money and custody of the kids & find myself a new decent man in my life.

Last edited by ttrinav; 07-16-2006 at 05:20 AM..
ARGH
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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Old 07-16-2006 , 04:50 AM     ARGH est dconnect  search   Quote  
It 's not only morally wrong, selfish and potentially ruin your life and your family regardless how well you keep this as secret. Soon or later your wife will find out. Is it worth to take this risk? Before you make your decisions think about your wife, your children and put yourself in their positions to see what they think if you still consider they are your number one priority.
HOPE20
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Old 07-16-2006 , 08:03 AM     HOPE20 est dconnect  search   Quote  
Are you saying that your sex life is low and that you feel that you need exitement to maintain ur marriage life? Have you talked to your wife about this? If she feels the same way as you, then I recommend a possible solution to your problem. It's call being a "Swinger." Last month, I was watching Oprah, and there was this couple, who both have PhD in accounting and have three children. Basically, their financial resources are very well-off and their children are teenagers. However, they start to feel things are "boring" so they want to spice up their sex life, so they join this thing call "swinging." What swinging is you meet a couple who are in the same situation with you and you "swing." Usually, at this kind of event, you meet a couple in which both of you like and through some form of agreement and understand, you establish goals such as you can flirt, kiss, but not having sex or in anyway that you feel comfortable with. However, in swinging world, no means no, and there is no forcing into having sex when you don't like each other. Hence, this couple on Oprah said that they have been doing this for four years and enjoying doing it. But here is the catch, couples who join swinging need to be understandle of the other half, and have an open communication and trust of each other. Marriages who may and are going through rocks are not recommended. So if this is what you might think of joining, talk to your wife first and do some research before making decisions.
hannah_2005
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Join Date: Feb 2005
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Old 07-16-2006 , 09:02 AM     hannah_2005 est dconnect  search   Quote  
a cheater always finds a reason to defend for his behavior
want to write more but .... sigh
GiotSuong1
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Old 07-16-2006 , 09:29 AM     GiotSuong1 est dconnect  search   Quote  
Lols and I mean seriously laughing out loud at what you have just said. How could you say that "it seems to be morally acceptable by society"? This is America but you need to understand that it is a free country but not that free. Swingers exist but only in a very small number, but that is morally wrong and "unacceptable" by SOCIETY. Please don't come up here and say that it is seems to be acceptable by society. I think you misunderstand the difference between being accepted and being discreet. Being discreet and doing these kinds of behavior being close door doens't mean that they are accepted by society. The society that we live in has goals and values too and these goals and values do not include married men having paid/free sex with escorts. The more I read your post the more I can see the kind of person that you are.

Consider yourself, according to what you've said, a successful man but that came with a college education, and therefore with a college education you should have known this is wrong but still went ahead and defended your point. Put your wife in your shoes and see how you'd feel. Once again married men that think they can sleep with escorts discreetly behind their wives' backs is okay, then they don't need to be married. Divorce their wives immediately and they can do whatever they want. You know the reason why we have marriage in general is to have a bound between we people who are in love, emotionally and physicially. I would feel sorry for your wife if such behavior were to occur. You need some good



Lolz, have a nice day.
GS
TieuLungLinh
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Số Điểm: 341
Old 07-16-2006 , 10:04 AM     TieuLungLinh est dconnect  search   Quote  
Thirtysome,

You brought a good question! Here's one way to answer it, how do you feel if you are a good husband and all you think is about your family and main that happy family. And your wife is the one has those thinking in her mind?

Besides the answer to you, I think this is one way to advertise yourself to other girls in here who would like "9stand".
FreeLoader
Banned
Join Date: Apr 2006
Số Điểm: 608
Old 07-16-2006 , 10:59 AM     FreeLoader est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by ttrinav
So why don't we all have opened relationships ... I won't mind to see my husband with some escorts but definitely would find myself with some lovers on the side of the relationship while remaining as a couple for the kids. If that the case why would anyone want to stay in the marriage in the first place ? Is it marriage based on commitment and honesty ? I mean you lie to yourself, to your wife & to your kids. This thing is ridiculous & irresponsible (not thinking that you might bring diseases to her in many ways) ... I am wondering how these men would react if they only know while they spend their time with their escort, their wife also spend time with their lover.

Would you dare to have an opened relationship with your wife knowing the risk that you might loosing her ?

Of course you don't want to loose it all (loosing your face with your family & everyone, money & kids) & face the divorce .. If you are a real man .. then have the gust to stay truth & do something decent.

If I were your wife, I would divorce you .. & still get the money and custody of the kids & find myself a new decent man in my life.
get lost. all you think about is money money money. what about i give you 10K and have a dog phucked you in the azz ?
I know u would take that.
ttrinav
Gold Member
Join Date: May 2006
Số Điểm: 2675
Old 07-16-2006 , 11:10 AM     ttrinav est dconnect  search   Quote  
Quote :
Originally Posted by FreeLoader
get lost. all you think about is money money money. what about i give you 10K and have a dog phucked you in the azz ?
I know u would take that.
Maybe you should have yourself f*@ked in the ass by your dog first then we'll discuss.
HOATHUI'DIT.
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Số Điểm: 81
Old 07-16-2006 , 02:03 PM     HOATHUI'DIT. est dconnect  search   Quote  
Don't see anything wrong with "married guys who are occasionally having encounters with escort girls?" Ask your wife the same question, whether she thinks anything wrong with married women having sex with gigolos.
If she okay, you okay....you are having an orgy!!!! Thinking of how your wife spreading her legs and letting the other gigolo facking her brain off probably turn you on huh?...you lucky dog.

HOATHUI'DIT.
TrucDaMan
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Số Điểm: 334
Old 07-16-2006 , 03:45 PM     TrucDaMan est dconnect  search   Quote  
Ofcourse it's wrong you idiot. Money doesn't mean anything. You probably came out of ya moma's ass that's why you think it's acceptable to sleep with whores.
MaQuyVoTinh
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Số Điểm: 606
Old 07-16-2006 , 04:39 PM     MaQuyVoTinh est dconnect  search   Quote  
Thirtysomething, orchidd is correct.

If you feel it's perfectly fine, ask your WIFE and see what she says! But I know you DON'T even have the GUTS to do that.

All your successful friends, do they have the guts to go tell their parents that they sleep with whores?

The reason why they're successful is because of a GOOD wife. Don't be an idiot and lose that.

Remember, behind a successful man is a more successful woman.
trovephocu
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Số Điểm: 172
Old 07-16-2006 , 05:53 PM     trovephocu est dconnect  search   Quote  
first, if you're seeking advice, then you're having doubts...which means that a part of you knows that it's not "acceptable"

second, if you can't straight up tell your wife and kids "hey hunnie, hey kids, by the way, after work i went and slept with a stranger" then it's WRONG

third, just because you bring home the dough doesn't mean you can sleep around

fourth, don't have double standards

fifth...if i were your wife, and i found out you did that, the divorce papers will be waiting your signature the next business day

hope that helps
sexysammie
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Số Điểm: 2
Old 07-16-2006 , 08:49 PM     sexysammie est dconnect  search   Quote  
Maybe I know how you feel at this time. You been married for 8 yrs and all that yrs you just thought about make the $$ and take care the kids. You miss all the fun things like dating. and you got bore to be in the marriage. I felt the sam way.
I been married for 8yrs and my husband is my first love.
8 yrs ago everything is good and fun. For the first 2 yrs everything is good until we have kids then thing change
No more going out or movie. All the time I only go to work and take care the kids. I felt so tired after work and my relationship with my husband is change too. He don't kiss or hug me any more. I felt so loney. I don't know why maybe b/c the time and the kids. We have sex no more than 2times a month. In 8 yrs my husband is the only man I have in mind.
My husband is white .Until I met this man, he also white.
He is married too for 1o yrs. He have the same problem in his marriage. So shared our story and then we both have feeling for each other. we get to know each other for 1 months then we start to have a hugs and kisses But when we about to do that thing..... we both stop because we both know that we shouldn't do this to our partner. We both don't want to ruin the marriage. So it not right to slept with other women behind your wife. you should talk to her. I sure your wife will leave you if you cheat on her. I asked my husband if I cheat on him what would he do. He told me that he will leave me and take my kids away from me. If you have sex with other women then it will not be the same again. you will ruin your marriage. you will feel guilt to look inside her eye. you can't tell her that you love her because you will hurt your wife and the kids.
good luck and think before you do that things....
cheater will end up very bad life.
thirty-some
Guest
Old 07-16-2006 , 09:33 PM       Quote  
While it's good for me to know what most people (females) think about this subject, and I appreciate the candid opinions that most have given me, it's apparent to me that most girls in general do not understand men and do not know how to deal with men in this issue other than threatening your men with divorce or breakup, or "let me spread my legs so other guys can do the same"... The angers in most responses have shown me how vulnerable women are when dealing with this subject. Personally, I have not crossed the line so there's nothing for me to worry about. And yes, I do worry about the unknown guilty feelings as the consequences once I cross it, that's why I posted this message.

Given the right situation (no consequences), most men would have sex with any beautiful women as a stranger (the difference between paid and non-paid is just about the convenience and no string attached). Any guy doesn't then either he's lying to himself or lack of confidence.
Sex and love are two different things for men. The thrill of sex is not something I can or will find in my happy marriage. I don't expect most women can really understand what it means. The feeling of a hungry predator after got his kill, and predators do not kill their love ones.

I'll end my message here. Like FINITY has said in her post, "We all view life through different lens. I think it's nice to know people's opinions, but ultimately, you ought to live life according to what makes you happiest." ( thanks FINITY for shed some lights into my path). Thanks again for reading my message.
-D.
-3G-
Gold Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Số Điểm: 2457
Old 07-16-2006 , 09:41 PM     -3G- est dconnect  search   Quote  
-
Given that you are "thirty something," it's quite inappropriate
for you to state your explicit opinions in this forum where
there are a lot of younger people who are not ready to think
about such subjects or should be exposed to adult opinions.

I may have been guilty of a little carelessness in the past.
There's a time and a place for all discussions. This might not
belong on VF.
happysaigon
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Số Điểm: 118
Old 07-16-2006 , 10:37 PM     happysaigon est dconnect  search   Quote  
30some,

Do you live in the US or Vietnam?

I think most people who replied are from the US.

I want to share something that I saw from the last trip back to VN. I know many many guys in VN do what 30some is asking, and their wifes do not have any problem. Some wifes in VN knows that the husband goes to "bia o^m", "Karaoke o^m", "massage", and may have sex with someone. But those wifes seem that they do not care as long as the husband takes a good care of the family.

Anyone here lives in VN or went back to VN ? Do you see that too?
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