|
Quick Language Chooser: |
|
monkeypie
Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Số Điểm: 197 |
09-03-2008
, 05:47 PM
Quote :
Hello Elegante, Are you sure today is National Mental Health Day? Some people made mistake sending me a few e-mail today. Here is one of them. ----------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mnonkeypie, Today is National Mental Health Day. I am doing my part by remenbering you and sending you this, just to say hello. one of your friends in VF ****** -----------------------------------------------------------  |
|
elegante
Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Số Điểm: 358 |
09-06-2008
, 08:13 PM
A bad job day!
If you have a 'I Hate My Job' day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson Be very sure you get this brand.. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: 'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. ' Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.' HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!   |
|
elegante
Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Số Điểm: 358 |
09-16-2008
, 05:01 AM
The last lecture
http://video.stumbleupon.com/?s=ithct48cqw&i=ufcchmyxqsuj9vwsemax |
|
elegante
Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Số Điểm: 358 |
09-20-2008
, 08:56 PM
God's Pharmacy!
A friend sent this to me. It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...  God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body! God's Pharmacy! Amazing! A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.  A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food. Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food. A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function. Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys. Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body. : Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).  Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility. Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics. Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just l ike the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.  Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body. |
|
dr_stoopid
Loyal Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Số Điểm: 1628 |
09-21-2008
, 07:37 PM
Quote :
|
|
NhuYnguyen
Loyal Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Số Điểm: 1593 |
09-29-2008
, 10:51 AM
|
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
09-30-2008
, 08:42 AM
Trời đă khuya, trên xa lộ vắng có một cô gái trẻ đẹp với mái tóc xơa dài đang vẫy gọi taxi, đặc biệt là trên người cô ta không c̣n một mảnh vải che thân. Sau khi lên taxi và đă đi được một đoạn đường dài, cô ta cảm thấy bực ḿnh v́ gă tài xế cứ nh́n cô qua kính chiếu hậu măi mà không chịu nh́n đường lái xe. Cô gái hỏi với vẻ bực bội: - Bộ từ nhỏ đến lớn anh chưa thấy phụ nữ khỏa thân hay sao mà anh nh́n tôi dữ vậy? Gă tài xế bối rối trả lời:
- À, cái đó th́ tôi đă thấy nhiều, nhưng tôi đang tự hỏi là không biết cô nhét tiền ở đâu để trả cho tôi? ? --- Nhân dịp mới đi bệnh viện về, cơ thể của ông lăo 70 tuổi mới tổ chức 1 cuộc họp mừng tai qua nạn khỏi. Tổng giám đốc năo (óc) nói: - Ai có ư kiến ǵ cứ nói. Tim phát biểu: Tôi làm việc liên tục 70 năm qua tôi xin về hưu. - Không được, tim mà về hưu th́ là chết rồi - các bộ phận phản đối Tim gan phèo phổi tranh căi măi cuối cùng không thằng nào được về hưu cả. Bỗng ở phía dưới có tiếng nói vọng lên. - Tôi yếu quá rồi xin về hưu. Mọi người ngó nghiêng măi không biết ai nói. Năo đập bàn quát; - Thằng nào nói đứng lên xem nào. Phía dưới có tiếng phều phào: - Bố mày mà đứng lên được bố mày đă không xin về hưu. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-01-2008
, 05:34 PM
Après quelques années de vie commune, un jeune homme décide de se marier avec sa petite amie.
> Comme il n'est pas du tout au courant des traditions, à la fin de la messe, il s'approche du curé et lui demande : - Excusez-moi mon père, je sais qu'il est dans la tradition que les jeunes mariés fassent une offrande au prêtre qui a célébré le mariage, mais je ne sais pas ce que les gens donnent en général. Le prêtre lui répond dans le creux de l'oreille: - En général, c'est en fonction de la beauté de la mariée, plus elle est belle, plus la somme est élevée. A ces mots, le jeune marié se tourne vers sa femme. Il hésite quelques instants, plonge la main dans sa poche et tend une pièce d'un Euro au curé. Le prêtre, compatissant, lui dit : - Ne bougez pas, je vais vous rendre la monnaie... |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-02-2008
, 12:03 PM
*BELIEVE it or not** **-
These are Nashville , TN 's REAL 911 Calls! Dispatcher :** **9-1-1 What is your emergency? **Caller: **I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: ** **Do you have an address?** ** Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? Dispatcher: **9-1-1 What is your emergency? **Caller** **: **Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich **. Dispatcher : **Excuse me?** ** Caller : **I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. **Dispatcher** **: **Was anything else taken?** ** Caller : **No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it! Dispatcher:** **9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?** ** Caller: I' m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: **This is nine eleven. **Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: **Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. **Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. -------------------------------------------- **My Personal Favorite!!! **Dispatcher: **9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? **Caller: **My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart **Dispatcher: **Is this her first child?** ** Caller: **No, you idiot! This is her husband! **And the winner is..........** ** -------------------------------------------- > Dispatcher: **9-1-1 > **Caller: **Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. > Darn..I think I'm going to pass out. > **Dispatcher: **Sir, where are you calling from? **Caller: **I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.** ** > Dispatcher: **Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? ** > **Caller: **N O ** > **Dispatcher: **What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?** **Caller: **Running from the Police.**.* |
|
elegante
Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Số Điểm: 358 |
10-03-2008
, 10:47 AM
Hmmm! This is not E's creation, but somebody's original!
 I post it as in the original it was received ********************************************** Little known facts: If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 time s a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life..quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.....) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle. In other words, send it to everyone ! (and God love that pig!) (sưu tầm) |
|
GodBlessedMe
Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Số Điểm: 5187 |
10-05-2008
, 02:30 AM
Last edited by GodBlessedMe; 10-05-2008 at 05:40 AM.. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-06-2008
, 11:44 AM
BEST COMEBACK RESPONSE OF THE YEAR
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility... Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?' A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.' Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?' A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.' Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?' A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.' Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?' A: 'Yes sir, we do!' Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?' A: 'Yes sir, I do.' Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?' A: 'Yes sir.' Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.' The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-08-2008
, 04:29 PM
Because of a bad case of hemorroids, the gay man (PA) went to the doctor. The physician prescribed suppositories, but when it came time to use them PA was afraid he'd botch the job. So he went into the bathroom and, bending over, looked through his legs at the mirror to line up his target. All of a suđen, his thing became stiff and blocked his view.
"Oh, stop it," PA chastised his organ, "it's only me!" (E collection posted 10-19-2004 07-50-am) Last edited by Phan_An; 11-28-2008 at 12:43 AM.. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-09-2008
, 06:48 AM
SOMEBODY'S ALWAYS SAYING GOODBYE!
Anne Murray's Railroad station, midnight trains Lonely airport in the rain. And somebody stands there with tears in their eyes It's the same old scene, time after time That's the trouble with all mankind, somebody's always saying go odbye. Taxi cabs leave in the night, Greyhound buses with red tail lights. Someone leaving someone's left behind. Well I don't know how things got that way. But every place you look these days Somebody's always saying goodbye Take two pples like ME AND YOU! We could have made it cause we just quit too soon Oh! The two of us we could have it all if we'd only tried, but that's the way love is, it se ems just when you've got a real good thing (get married) Somebody's always saying goodbye!!  Last edited by Phan_An; 11-28-2008 at 12:44 AM.. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-11-2008
, 04:00 AM
http://www.bennhac.com/#/song/16682/Mua-Thu-Chet
Một mùa thu tàn úa lá vàng rơi khắp sân Mình Anh nơi đây cô đơn lặng lẽ Từ khi em ra đi ấy chồng) từng hàng cây trước sân Dường như cũng đã xác xơ đi nhiều Rồi mùa thu qua đi khi mùa đông đã về Chờ mong tin Em nhưng sao chẳng thấy Người yêu ơi Em có còn yêu Anh nữa không Mà sao không thấy một lời cho nhau? (Em còn đang bận chồng con) Người yêu ơi có biết Anh nhớ em nhiều lắm Những đêm trong giấc mơ tay nắm tay nghẹn ngào Lòng hạnh phúc biết bao ngỡ rằng Em còn đây Nụ hôn trao ngất ngây ôi tình yêu tuyệt vời Người yêu ơi có biết Anh nhớ em nhiều lắm Đã bao năm tháng qua anh vẫn mong vẫn chờ Giờ Em đang ở đâu hãy về đây bên Anh Tình đôi ta thắp lên cho mùa xuân xanh ngời. Last edited by Phan_An; 11-28-2008 at 12:45 AM.. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-11-2008
, 02:41 PM
Jean-François, un superbe jeune homme entre dans un pub de sport vers 21h58.
Il s'assoit près d'une belle blonde au bar et regarde la télé à ses côtés. Les nouvelles de 22h00 commencent. Le présentateur raconte l'histoire d'un homme qui se tient sur le toit d'un édifice et qui menace de sauter. La blonde regarde François et lui demande : « Penses-tu qu'il sautera ? » François dit : Je te parie qu'il va sauter. La blonde répond : Ben moi je parie que non. François place un billet sur le bar et dit : « C'est un pari. » Juste au moment où la blonde met son argent sur le bar, l'homme en question fait un plongeon et se tue. La blonde est très affectée mais tend le billet à François en lui disant :« Un pari est un pari, voici ton argent. » François avoue donc : « Je ne peux pas prendre ton argent, j'avais vu les nouvelles de 18h00 et je savais qu'il plongerait » La blonde répond : « Je les avais vues moi aussi mais je ne pensais pas qu'il recommencerait » |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-12-2008
, 04:24 PM
Before the night is over
Let me tell you how much I care I know your BD will be tomorrow I’m the only one who cares. Before the night is over I want to share the stars with you You are my dearest, The one who is nice to me so much Before the night is over I know you’re so busy tonight Prepare for everything should be fine I want to stay help you Into the beautiful morning light PA PS: Watch out for my special online celebration for your BD tomorrow. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-13-2008
, 01:43 AM
Guys/Gals, Anyone want to join me for her BD is welcome. Click at ea link OK! Promiss you guys lots of funs.
7:00amET, Oct. 13 Elegante's BD Celebration starts. Here is my plan for today: 1- 7:30 wake her up. On bed breafast, together with singing Happy Birthday song. Who do that you guess Happy birthday happy birthday to you Happy birthday happy birthday to you Happy birthday happy birthday to you 2- 12:00am Review of her past by viewing her pix: - @2 years old: http://i474.photobucket.com/albums/r...Us-cindy-2.jpg Thày boí noí là "Đàn ông rộng miệng thì sang đàn bà rộng miệng tan hoang cưả nhà! Không biết sự thật ra sao? @14 year old. Very sexy! http://i474.photobucket.com/albums/r..._VN_-_em14.jpg @18 study Medecine in Paris Univ. @22, got married and having kid! http://i474.photobucket.com/albums/r.../vanhlaido.jpg - Her look today! http://i474.photobucket.com/albums/r.../thuy-24-2.jpg (to be continued) Last edited by Phan_An; 10-16-2008 at 05:35 PM.. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
10-13-2008
, 06:38 AM
http://www.bennhac.com/#/song/3878/K...Mung-Sinh-Nhat
Ngày hôm nay ta cùng hợp hoan nơi đây mọi người bên nhau ta hát mừng sinh nhật Một hai ba ta cùng thổi tắt nến Happy birthday Happy birthday to you! ON this day on together will be I will all sing for your birthday one two three we blow up the candles Happy birthday happy birthday to you Happy birthday happy birthday to you Happy birthday happy birthday to you Now is my turn to present gift and sing song "Up, up and always. Every baloon that floats into the sky is another wish for you; HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Last edited by Phan_An; 11-28-2008 at 01:04 AM.. |
|
Phan_An
Loyal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Số Điểm: 1188 |
11-01-2008
, 01:34 PM
Halloween Night
Tap-Tap-Tapping in the Cemetery Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said, after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death! We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!" |
 |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
|
Linear Mode
