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necavenue
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Old 10-06-2008 , 05:33 PM     necavenue est dconnect  search   Quote  
First of all this is a true story, I'm not making this up...please try to read all of it before commenting as it's kinda long.

A few days ago I had a dream and in this dream I saw my ex gf get into a fatal accident. In the dream I cried and went crazy. Later when I woke up from the dream I felt really sad. I also noticed that there were some dried tears on both my eyes.

I haven't been in contact with my ex ever since we broke up about 13 years ago. Even after we broke up she tried to call me a few times to stay in contact and be firends, this was only a few months after the broke up.

Anyway on one of those calls I told her that if she loved me then don't call me anymore. I didn't tell her what I meant by it, but I hoped that she would figure it out. The reason why I said what I said was because if she kept calling me it made it very hard for me to get over her so I just wanted to cut off all contact. I just wanted to disappear from her life forever, though in my heart I did not want her to disappear from my life.

So it's been like 13 years now and I've started doing some research and found out that she isn't married. I know where she lives but I don't know if she currently has a bf or not. So basically it comes down to this. I want to send her flowers and a card for her birthday just for old times sake and to let her know that I haven't forgot about her. I'm also thinking about putting my email address on the card so if she wants or chooses to send me an email she can. In other words if she is currently in a relationship or not.

So my question is, should I send her birthday flowers? Do you think this is a good idea? I'm not trying to get back together with her, I just want to catch up on old times and to let her know that I still think about her every now and then.

Thanks for you comments.
a smart VC
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Old 10-06-2008 , 07:33 PM     a smart VC est dconnect  search   Quote  
Why not?

What if she felt the same way about you?

Send her the flowers, and I hope you two can have a nice dinner together, and then, who knows ... you two can be dating again!

Best wishes!
BF online
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Old 10-06-2008 , 09:24 PM     BF online est dconnect  search   Quote  
U r not trying to get back to her?
So u r married? or put it this way not available?
This is strange. Please 4give me if this may sounds harsh on u.
U told her that if she loves u and told her not to call or contact u. This is according what u wrote.
The question back to u is, do u love her? What if in the return she says that to u? How would u feel?


Well the asnwer to u yes, for the old time shake and maybe between u two now is only friendship. Getting back to her is recommend, but I think it's a spark for her to think to get back the past relationship and bring back the sad and sour memories and maybe only tears. Does it do any good? Trying to 4get, but it just keeps coming back. Sigh, dangerously it might break away ur current relationship with some1 maybe ur wife or gf.
Anyway, I'm not saying it's not a good idea to send flowers or a post card or saying hello. But this is for u to think ahead and the future consequences. I'm not a fortune teller or I'm not the one that knows what's gonna happen in the futture so please don't even think that I am.. when I mentioned the future consequences. U asked for advice and opnion ....we are giving it to u. Now it's up to u to filter it out which one is the right thing to do and which one is the wrong thing to do.
Good luck and best wishes my friend.

Last edited by BF online; 10-06-2008 at 09:28 PM..
cody_o_O
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Old 10-06-2008 , 09:52 PM     cody_o_O est dconnect  search   Quote  
this one is a very interesting thread "BF online" has really good points. If you expected her not to contact you and now you want to contact her for me its a no no. Digging up the past is wrong. But in saying that i can understand why you want to catchup with your ex gf. Its to check on how she doing and in saying that I know you wont be satisfied or get your mind cleared until you see and talk to her. So "a smart VC" advice is most appropriate. And in the birthday card explain it to her about this story if need be copy and paste what you have wrote. Get your concern for your ex gf off your shoulder.
necavenue
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Old 10-06-2008 , 10:03 PM     necavenue est dconnect  search   Quote  
Thanks for everyone's inputs so far. To respond to a couple of the issues that was brought up.

When we broke up we both still loved each other, but at the time that was the only solution. We both realized that it would be possible that we may get back together sometime in the far or near future. She even told me to not wait for her. Sshe said that if I couldn't find another girl then in the future we may get back together if she's still free. It was me that wanted to completely cut off contact with her. Now it's 14 years later and I realized that I still care about her so I just want to see if she would be open to having contact again.

Also the reason why I don't want to call her is because it would be too awkward and disrespectful. I'd rather just send flowers as an *admirer" so even if she has a bf it wouldn't really cause any harm. She still hasn't married but I think that even if she's married sending flowers isn't something that is going to break a strong marriage. Also I feel that if she has a bf then A) She would tell me through email or B) She would not respond.

Last edited by necavenue; 10-06-2008 at 10:13 PM..
cody_o_O
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Old 10-06-2008 , 10:42 PM     cody_o_O est dconnect  search   Quote  
i sit in a similar boat to you, except mind is 4 years only so i'll have to wait another 10 years to be were you are now. send the flowers for your ex gf bday gift or should i say friend. and i reckon you should update the outcome as i would want to know the result and i may learn something from it. And let say you found out she's got a bf then i reckon that would be a good sign to move on.
Runaway
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Old 10-06-2008 , 10:42 PM     Runaway est dconnect  search   Quote  
WOW , 14 yrs have past. This is really an interesting thread. And yes ""BF online"" really has excellent points.

I think you haven't answer his questions about are you married or have a gf now?

If you do :rolleyes: Think about what if your spouse or gf finds out that you are sending or sent flowers to your ex:eek: :eek: Uh oh ........what and how would they feel about you. Of course they will think you are cheating or untrustful ....they will feel unsecure.
Can your current spouse or gf send flowers or keep contact to their ex? How would you feel?


Now if you are still single and available ........Oh yah ....it's absolutely a recommending thing to do even she now has a bf.
necavenue
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Old 10-06-2008 , 11:13 PM     necavenue est dconnect  search   Quote  
I just wanted to say that after the breakup I wanted to disappear from her life forever and never again contact her, but it was this recent dream that kinda got me thinking. It's like a sign that maybe I should contact her to see that she is still ok and that she isn't sick with a termial illness. I feel that I need to at least find out that she is ok because if she's not i want to be there for her in her last days. Also a few years ago I found out that a close friend of hers and to many of my friends had died in an accident.

Oh and to answer the question, no I'm not in a relatiohship right now.

Last edited by necavenue; 10-06-2008 at 11:16 PM..
cody_o_O
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Old 10-06-2008 , 11:43 PM     cody_o_O est dconnect  search   Quote  
if i found out my ex gf of 4 years ago that is suffering from any terminal illness i'll be there for her as well no second thoughts. I say if you send her bday flowers you will get the answer your currently seeking. I might have to do that as well but 4 years is still to early lol. GO FOR IT BE A MEN!!!!!!
Runaway
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Old 10-07-2008 , 12:57 AM     Runaway est dconnect  search   Quote  
Not in a relationship huh .......there you go ....feel free to get in touch with her without hestitations. I think she needs a big hug from you after so many years absent. I think you maybe the life saver for her, but according to your words that you don't want to be there, you are just there for her as HELLO ........
another words ...........friends

Anyway, wish you the best outcomes .
VietKu
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Old 10-07-2008 , 06:55 AM     VietKu est dconnect  search   Quote  
[QUOTE=necavenue]I just wanted to say that after the breakup I wanted to disappear from her life forever and never again contact her, but it was this recent dream that kinda got me thinking. It's like a sign that maybe I should contact her to see that she is still ok and that she isn't sick with a termial illness. I feel that I need to at least find out that she is ok because if she's not i want to be there for her in her last days. Also a few years ago I found out that a close friend of hers and to many of my friends had died in an accident.

Oh and to answer the question, no I'm not in a relatiohship right now.[/QUOTE]



You were a confused guy 13 years ago, and now you are still a confused man. The flowers for what? You wanted her to cut off all contacts with you, and now you want to start it all over again? I don't know how old you are, but your brain is very immature!
necavenue
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Old 10-07-2008 , 10:08 AM     necavenue est dconnect  search   Quote  
[QUOTE=VietKu]You were a confused guy 13 years ago, and now you are still a confused man. The flowers for what? You wanted her to cut off all contacts with you, and now you want to start it all over again? I don't know how old you are, but your brain is very immature![/QUOTE]

If you had read my posts you'd realize that I had to do what I did under the circumstances at the time. I was never confused and knew exactly what I was doing.
EmBell
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Old 10-07-2008 , 10:55 AM     EmBell est dconnect  search   Quote  
Aaw, how sweet? You sound like my ex in a way that we had a strong bond- our stories are a little similar. He had a dream about me crying/feeling lost, which was true at that moment in time. We always had that strange bond where he could sense my emotions pretty well.. even if we weren't near each other. He contacted me 3 years after the break-up, the very morning when he woke up from his dream.

If the contact is to send flowers in hopes to keep the kindred-friendship alive, why not, right? But if it's in hopes that say.. something might grow from it, I'd stick to the original plan (if it's meant to save a little heartache). Trust me.

My ex contacted after he had his dream, gave me his number, was concerned, but the end result was (to make a long story short), I ultimately didn't see myself marrying him, made it clear and we are now both at square one. If he had contacted me in hopes to just *be friends,* I wouldn't mind, because he's family to me. But me personally, if I want to break-up with a guy, it's usually because I can't envision myself with that person for whatever reason (not to be taken personally). Who knows.. maybe her feelings about you are still mutual since she's not me.

Everyone has their own life story to tell. Everyone builds their own dreams/fantasies. If your heart says to send birthday flowers, then do so. But if it's been 13 or 14 years/all of a sudden she gets flowers sent to her house, it may kinda scare her off a bit (that's just me though). Listen to your gut. Perhaps just a simple card with a simple "hello, how are you? how things goin'? Here's my e-mail, k.i.t." message is more subtle/innocent.. Good luck..
necavenue
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Old 10-07-2008 , 11:20 AM     necavenue est dconnect  search   Quote  
Yeah maybe I should drop the flowers part and just send a Bcard. Thanks everyone for your inputs and sharing your own experiences, much appreciated.
nucuoi
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Old 10-07-2008 , 04:05 PM     nucuoi est dconnect  search   Quote  
It sounds to me like you still have feelings for your exgirlfriend. If you do then you should send flowers and a card and if she responses then you'll know if she wants to talk back to you. I think you better make sure she's ok. Since you had your dream about her, It's your subconscience and you should make sure that nothing bad happened to her, or you will feel bad for the rest of your life.
smile~love
AnhBa'nChuoi
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Old 10-07-2008 , 06:22 PM     AnhBa'nChuoi est dconnect  search   Quote  
That would be sweetttt !!! But make sure her bf isn't the one who signs that delivery and got your email address...:cheer
Other than that, it's a sweet idea for a long-time ex :cheer
bubble_bum
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Old 10-08-2008 , 02:43 AM     bubble_bum est dconnect  search   Quote  
u did the research and found out shez not married??? thats sweet...i reckon u shood suprise her by giving her the flowers and maybe text her and say happy bday. and u ll hopefully get an answer ..life is too short to wonder around

cheerz:wink
necavenue
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Old 10-08-2008 , 02:47 AM     necavenue est dconnect  search   Quote  
Haha well I would text her but the problem is the phone number that I have I don't know if it's a cellphone or a homephone.
cody_o_O
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Old 10-08-2008 , 03:12 AM     cody_o_O est dconnect  search   Quote  
how did you get the number?
necavenue
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Old 10-08-2008 , 08:53 AM     necavenue est dconnect  search   Quote  
I didn't get the # through a phone book, I got it through other means, hehe.
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