I have had problems with my husband bc of my in-laws. i really want to divorce him but we have a baby together and he wouldn"t let me go. He's been so cold to me. Everyday, we dont really talk much and just do our chores, play with our son and go to sleep. Its been like this for a while. He wants us to stay together for the sake of our baby but i think it's best to go separate ways. He's so stingy. Hes been complaining about not having enough money to cover our bills. yet; when we went to vn, he spent on stupid things like treat his friends out to dinner. They are all losers and he calls them friends. He like sto show off to other ppl by spending big or drive nice cars but when it comes to me and the baby, he complains when we spend money on clothes or stuffs for the house. He told me he staying with me bc of our baby.That really hurts my feeling. I dont get along with his family and that hurts him, therefore he wants to leave but he said he's staying for the sake of our baby. He comes home from work not talking too much . We only talk to each other when we really need to. I can;t imagine living like this for another 50 years. We are in our 30's. It hurts when he doesn;t have the same feelings for me like he used to. i rather walk away and move on with my life than staying in a non-healthy marriage. I regret marrying him without getting to know his family first. i wish we didn't have a baby yet. I dont understand how he can stay in a marriage where he resents me. i had a fight with his family and i don't really talk to them often. His family is very important to him. I hate the fact that he will always pick his mom over me. No matter what i do, i will always be 2nd to his mom. I wish he can just let me go instead of living like this. Its kiiling me inside. He only talks to me when it has to do with the baby and only the neccessary daily life. We dont even tam su. anymore. We used to be very very close until i had a fight with his family. He's always complaining about money yet he has money to gamble or spend on his friends when we went to VN. He's super stingy when it comes to me and my baby. i always by things on sale and he still complains. Yet he has money to treat his friends or lend them money. What should I do?

Its better to separate than living a miserable life like this.

Also, it is dumb of him to spend big in front of others, but is stingy with you and the baby. Family should come first, others second.

[QUOTE=bonghongdo21;9185915]I have had problems with my husband bc of my in-laws. i really want to divorce him but we have a baby together and he wouldn"t let me go. He's been so cold to me. Everyday, we dont really talk much and just do our chores, play with our son and go to sleep. Its been like this for a while. He wants us to stay together for the sake of our baby but i think it's best to go separate ways. He's so stingy. Hes been complaining about not having enough money to cover our bills. yet; when we went to vn, he spent on stupid things like treat his friends out to dinner. They are all losers and he calls them friends. He like sto show off to other ppl by spending big or drive nice cars but when it comes to me and the baby, he complains when we spend money on clothes or stuffs for the house. He told me he staying with me bc of our baby.That really hurts my feeling. I dont get along with his family and that hurts him, therefore he wants to leave but he said he's staying for the sake of our baby. He comes home from work not talking too much . We only talk to each other when we really need to. I can;t imagine living like this for another 50 years. We are in our 30's. It hurts when he doesn;t have the same feelings for me like he used to. i rather walk away and move on with my life than staying in a non-healthy marriage. I regret marrying him without getting to know his family first. i wish we didn't have a baby yet. I dont understand how he can stay in a marriage where he resents me. i had a fight with his family and i don't really talk to them often. His family is very important to him. I hate the fact that he will always pick his mom over me. No matter what i do, i will always be 2nd to his mom. I wish he can just let me go instead of living like this. Its kiiling me inside. He only talks to me when it has to do with the baby and only the neccessary daily life. We dont even tam su. anymore. We used to be very very close until i had a fight with his family. He's always complaining about money yet he has money to gamble or spend on his friends when we went to VN. He's super stingy when it comes to me and my baby. i always by things on sale and he still complains. Yet he has money to treat his friends or lend them money. What should I do?[/QUOTE]
bonghongdo21.chi doc mau chuyen cua em chi khong biet noi sao.chi la nguoi di truoc nen chi co loi khuyen em nen chon cho minh con duong moi di roi lo cho con tot dep hon .cho dung gi con roi co them con nua la em se co toi nhieu hon .ngay xua chi cung nhu vay song keo dai cho den 4 dua con gio nuoi lon het .anh ta gio da co nguoi khac va chi da ly than voi anh ay con trong giai doan ly than ma hom qua chi da bat gap 2 nguoi di cung xe khong biet minh co nen ghen hay khong nua chi cung buon lam.chuc em mau het buon de lo cho con

Hi Bonghongdo,

First of all, you are the only one who is able to make the right decision for yourself and your child.

I'd been in your shoes, and I do understand the pain you are suffering right now. Consider a serious talk to your husband or even a marriage counselor to see there's a better solution before even thinking of divorce.

Taking care of a child on your own is not easy at all. Think carefully! Dragging on a unhappy marriage for your child's sake will not benefit your child mentally, emotionally, and intellectually at all.

Do not bring another child into this world if you already realize how worse your marriage is at this point. I've been through a very similar situation as yours, and I would like to share some insights that might help you.

Good luck!

You 2 plan to stay together until your child is 18 years old ? You are pissing your life away. There is nothing left for you to hang on to this so-called marriage and your hateful in-laws. You are doomed. Get out now, move back in with your own family if you have to. If you have a decent job or skills, move into an apartment. If you have neither job nor skills nor family members, go to school to learn a trade and move out when you are ready. After that, you can start looking for somebody else who can appreciate your kindness (assuming you are a kind person, since we only hear one side of the story !!!) :lol:

fck that sh!t. i bet you're still sleeping with him huh? thats pretty dumb lol if he wnats to stay married, fine. move out and take the kid with you. if he calls and make any demands tell him to shut the fck up and listen. when negotiating with ignorant people you need a list of demands of your own that cant be met. like someone who has been kidnapped for ransom but the kidnappers wants 70000 trillion dollars all in ones. something ridiculous like that. in your case, tell him you want his family to accept you as their god, they shall have no other gods before or after you and that purse you've always wanted. the only thing dumber than reasoning with a family of ignorant people is trying to make deals with a family of ignorant people.

What should you do? Pray! Hell, nobody knows what should you do, if you take any of us advice, it can turn your life upside down pretty fast. This is serious, this is not something you can say or do and take it back later. Consequences determined by choices, you make bad choice, obvious, you will get bad consequences. You already put a line between his mom and you, so that hard to remove that line. The in-law is just like your neighbor and good fence makes good neighbor but your husband and your didn't build that fence pretty good, there ways to fix it but it demands lots of honesty and emotinally to fix it. Part of the problem is yours too, there are both sides of the story and the other side is untold. However, forget about your angous with the in-laws, forget about how he spent his money for his friends and how stingy he is. Your thought of getting devoice or separation is already there, your life won't be the same if your marriage work out. No matter who you married, you will always has issue with your husband and especially with the in-law. It is not what you should or shouldn't do or what you wish you didn't, it is what are you going to do next is important, you need to be focus is important. I am not getting into the details of how and why your husband acts that way. The reason you need to be focus on your next move because is critical, it is for you and for your baby. It doesn't matter what you wish you shouldn't do, you have another life to support and care for, that should be your primary focus. Be really careful what your next decision is, it can impact your life and your baby life greatly. You are correct, be healthy alone is a lot better be sick with someone. You should question a lot prior to make decision, imagine what your life will be without your husband? can you support yourself and your baby? what your fananical and emotional life will be? Did you talk to your family about this? Be serious about it and mean it, don't threat, nobody like threat in a family. Don't be scare of the unkknow, everybody scare of the unknow. Make smarter choice from now on.

Divorce...........................

[QUOTE=Maxwell;9186812]What should you do? Pray! Hell, nobody knows what should you do, if you take any of us advice, it can turn your life upside down pretty fast. This is serious, this is not something you can say or do and take it back later. Consequences determined by choices, you make bad choice, obvious, you will get bad consequences. You already put a line between his mom and you, so that hard to remove that line. The in-law is just like your neighbor and good fence makes good neighbor but your husband and your didn't build that fence pretty good, there ways to fix it but it demands lots of honesty and emotinally to fix it. Part of the problem is yours too, there are both sides of the story and the other side is untold. However, forget about your angous with the in-laws, forget about how he spent his money for his friends and how stingy he is. Your thought of getting devoice or separation is already there, your life won't be the same if your marriage work out. No matter who you married, you will always has issue with your husband and especially with the in-law. It is not what you should or shouldn't do or what you wish you didn't, it is what are you going to do next is important, you need to be focus is important. I am not getting into the details of how and why your husband acts that way. The reason you need to be focus on your next move because is critical, it is for you and for your baby. It doesn't matter what you wish you shouldn't do, you have another life to support and care for, that should be your primary focus. Be really careful what your next decision is, it can impact your life and your baby life greatly. You are correct, be healthy alone is a lot better be sick with someone. You should question a lot prior to make decision, imagine what your life will be without your husband? can you support yourself and your baby? what your fananical and emotional life will be? Did you talk to your family about this? Be serious about it and mean it, don't threat, nobody like threat in a family. Don't be scare of the unkknow, everybody scare of the unknow. Make smarter choice from now on.[/QUOTE]MAXWELL.BAN CO NHUNG LOI KHUYEN dang gia cho bong hong .vay minh cung nho ban cho minh it hang minh thanh that biet on ban .so la gia dinh minh vo chong thi khong hop y nhung song vi con tu 1 dua cho toi 4 dua ngay thang cung troi qua minh chi biet cau nguyen thoi den luc con minh lon het thi ong xa len tieng la hoang canh khong hop nen muon chia tay minh noi neu vay thi minh chon su ra di va de lai tat ca nhung ong phai co trach nhiem lo cho con neu tui no can den .thi minh noi voi con cai la ve o ben vn luon khong tro qua .khi ve ben do thi ong dien tham minh thi trong dau minh chot nghi tai sao minh khong bao tin la minh da co nguoi thuong roi nen minh noi cho ong biet .ong xoc qua troi ong noi la khong ngo duoc chuyen nay.ong chi nghi minh tam ly di vai nam roi sua doi de song lai.va sau 6 thang minh tro ve canada minh goi cho ong va noi la minh khong con song voi nguoi kia .thi ong hoi ha goi minh tro ve ma giay ly di thi ong khong muon quy bo .ong noi de vay di minh khong bo tuc them 3 nam no cung tu dong ly di cho minh .ngay hom qua tinh co minh di cho thi gap ong cho con bo ma tu lau minh noi ong choi khong chap nhan .cho minh hoi ban vay minh duoc quyen ghen khong hay la minh phai lam gi khi ma ong dat minh trong hoang canh nay .minh ve day cung lau nhung ong khong cho minh gap ai het ong noi tai gi ong dang thoi con kia neu co ai gap minh thi ho se nghi la tai minh tro ve cho nen ong moi thoi con kia.minh khong dam noi nua dau con dai dong lam minh mong ban thong cam cho minh nhe xin cam on truoc

I heard that it is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. While I think each marriage is different and it depends on the parties involved, I can't imagine myself to stay in a loveless marriage. However, before calling a real quit, a simple test of separation from your spouse may be helpful. Ask him to give you time and space; just to see how you and the baby adapt without him. Also, in marriage, there will always be ups and downs; moments of regret and resentments. Dont let your present emotions to cloud your judgment. Your situation may not be as dire as you have imagined since your husband is still willing to stay, even he's doing it for the baby's sake. Nevertheless, after you have your time to think and you still want an exit, then don't hestitate to do what is best. Just take it slowly and cautiously.

I feel sorry for your husband... having to deal with his wife and mom fighting. Poor guy.. when he goes over to his parents house all he hears is blah blah blah from his mom about his wife... what can a guy do? and when he goes home.. its to a loveless marriage and a resentful wife .. the only thing left for a guy to do is go nhau with his friends.

If your husband is on here asking for advice i would tell him to divorce you and go back to vietnam and get himself a new wife. Then youre question is answered and you no longer have to to ask if you should divorce him.

Chi Ngoi,
Xin vui lòng bỏ dấu vào bài viết.
Here is your problem, you are repeatidly make one bad choices after another. I have no idea what reason that your husband complained about "hai người không hộp" mà lại có 4 đứa con ?????????????????????. This is a lamp excuse to look for a way out of marriage, this actually a crapy excuse. However, in marriage, you don't runaway from problem, it will make it worse. Solve it, how you and your husband solve it is up to you guys. Make sure you close it and learn to move on. I don't know much about law but get a lawyer will help the process quicker. it is tough to solve issue in marriage, it contains lots of emotional drain. Certainly you open the door before you close the other one, and you close the new doors without knowning what the existing door look like. I can type for all days but it won't solve your problem, you are the only person can choose to act what is right for you and your children, but don't run away from responsiblity be a parent either. They are your children, they belong to you, you carry them and give birth to them. I think you already chose to separate. I don't know what you predict, the best prediction for the future is the past example you set within your family. Talk to your kids what best for you all, emotional will be a biggest part in it. BUT DON'T MAKE DECISION ON EMOTIONAL. About you see your husband with cô bồ nhí, this is not rocket science decision. I don't know what his excuses are but it time for you to consider to move on without him. Ghen làm gì khổ cho bản thân.

Vợ chồng đổ vở trăm ngàn lổi điều do hai bênh. Chứ vợ chồng mà như nước với lửa miểng cưởng ở nhau vì con cái thì vô ý nghĩa lắm .

Có một bác nói với Then lúc Then đang ly dị chồng "lúc trẻ ở với nhau vì thương. Lúc già ở với nhau vì nghĩa" Tại gì lúc già hai người sẻ ôn lại kỷ niệm củ để sống vui vầy quảng đời còn lại .


Chứ lúc trẻ không có thương thì khi già sẻ không có nghĩa ...vậy thì nên ly dị .....

[QUOTE=Maxwell;9188980]Chi Ngoi,
Xin vui lòng bỏ dấu vào bài viết.
Here is your problem, you are repeatidly make one bad choices after another. I have no idea what reason that your husband complained about "hai người không hộp" mà lại có 4 đứa con ?????????????????????. This is a lamp excuse to look for a way out of marriage, this actually a crapy excuse. However, in marriage, you don't runaway from problem, it will make it worse. Solve it, how you and your husband solve it is up to you guys. Make sure you close it and learn to move on. I don't know much about law but get a lawyer will help the process quicker. it is tough to solve issue in marriage, it contains lots of emotional drain. Certainly you open the door before you close the other one, and you close the new doors without knowning what the existing door look like. I can type for all days but it won't solve your problem, you are the only person can choose to act what is right for you and your children, but don't run away from responsiblity be a parent either. They are your children, they belong to you, you carry them and give birth to them. I think you already chose to separate. I don't know what you predict, the best prediction for the future is the past example you set within your family. Talk to your kids what best for you all, emotional will be a biggest part in it. BUT DON'T MAKE DECISION ON EMOTIONAL. About you see your husband with cô bồ nhí, this is not rocket science decision. I don't know what his excuses are but it time for you to consider to move on without him. Ghen làm gì khổ cho bản thân.[/QUOTE] minh cam on ban ve nhung loi khuyen vang ngoc nay .xin loi minh khong biet bo dau .minh se song cho minh sau hai tuan le toi minh se don ve nha moi con minh tui no mua cho minh mot can nha rieng .lam luc minh cung muon vao day choi voi cac ban cho do buon nhung chi so lam cho cac ban khong vui ve loi le khong thong thai cua minh thoi vay mot lan nua minh cam on ban nhe.

ThenNow oi,

Mi`nh thi'ch ddo.c nhu*~ng lo*`i ta^m su*. cua? ba.n la('m. Ra^'t chi' li'! "Ti`nh" va` "Nghi~a"


Maxwell ui,

I read your advices, and and....I...I ...am speechless!!!! Your thoughtful words are able to bring happiness and peace to many unhappy souls out there, including me. You are very experienced! knowledgeable! and wise!

I walked out of a marriage when my son was only on year of age. I am so thankful to everyone( friends and family) helping me stay strong and stand upright.

The sun will always rise after a dark night. Keep that in mind and smile....and and... be happy...ok sis Bonghongdo and sis Ngoi!

Every day is a NEW day!

[QUOTE=anie;9192931]ThenNow oi,

Mi`nh thi'ch ddo.c nhu*~ng lo*`i ta^m su*. cua? ba.n la('m. Ra^'t chi' li'! "Ti`nh" va` "Nghi~a"


Maxwell ui,

I read your advices, and and....I...I ...am speechless!!!! Your thoughtful words are able to bring happiness and peace to many unhappy souls out there, including me. You are very experienced! knowledgeable! and wise!

I walked out of a marriage when my son was only on year of age. I am so thankful to everyone( friends and family) helping me stay strong and stand upright.

The sun will always rise after a dark night. Keep that in mind and smile....and and... be happy...ok sis Bonghongdo and sis Ngoi!

Every day is a NEW day![/QUOTE]

........cam on em da co loi chuc chi may hom nay chi cam thay vui va nhe nhang o tam hon lam that la cam on may ban trong day co nhung loi khuyen gia tri .chi chuc em uoc gi se dat duoc do .

Red Rose,
Let me get this straight. You want to divorce you husband besause you fought with his mom...And he refused to shut that old woman up??? Because he took his poor friends in VN out for dinner??? Because he has stupid friends arcording to you??? Did he cheat on you? NO, but may be he should. The poor guy seem to be working very hard to support his family. And you want to divorce him because you didn't show his family the respect that they deserved from a daughter in law?
And most of the respond are...Yeah, divorce him....??? What??
That is why there are more than half of the couples end up in divorce. Years ago, when a couple have problems, they worked them out...Today, like you Red Rose, problems rised, they ran away...Stay with him, Red Rose, and not just because of the kid, but because you two deserve another chance...Stay with him to work things out. True, he does not "tam su"...True, he is not the perfect husband. But no one is, and sounded like he loves you very much...Don't be a dreamer and think that there is a problem free marriage just waiting for you. All marriages have problems! Work things out, stay and fix things. Don't be a coward and run away. Your husband feelings are hurt right now...So, be patient and kind...Remember the commitment that you have at first...Rekindle your love for him and his for you...Take the innitiative to be romantic...But DON'T GIVE UP!!!!

I think your only have misunderstand,,,,Money problem...
You need talk him nicely like friend (don't think talk husband and wife)
You tell us how much money you spent a week cloth.
He respect his mother it normally like your son will respect you..
If his family don't like you he divore long time ago
You don't respect his mother how can they respect you?
Are you respect your mother like his mother? He respect your mother?
Think
Good luck
Sorry I am not good writer

yr a winner like other typical viet girl, might as well go marry a white men..leave the viet men alone..atleast girl back in VN know how to appreciate.. cac dam lazy azz go to work and get yrself money. God create hands for a reason...

Looks like we have a split decision: 1/2 of the posters wants you to stay, the other 1/2 wants you to leave.

BHĐ21 ơi, the main victim in your situation is your child: once there's a rift between you, your husband and your in-laws; it's almost impossible to repair. In the old days, the wife had no choice (no job, no money, no education, etc ...) therefore she had to swallow her dignity and suffer in silence to keep the peace. Today's women are different (most of them anyway) so staying in a broken marriage because of the kid(s) is no longer the norm. Case in point: my sister's family. She had a miserable marriage and I'd say both the husband and the wife are equally at fault. Once they drifted apart, they are like strangers living in the same house "because of the kids (2 boys)". They both make a decent living so the wife (my sister) and the husband (my brother-in-law) did their separate things and went their own way each and every day that lasted for about 10 years. In the meantime, the boys were on their own to do whatever they wanted once they came home from school. Neither of the parents checked to see how their kids did in school, nobody asked what they did on weekends, who their friends were, etc ... What's the outcome of this marriage, you might ask? The parents are now divorced (10 years late, if you asked me), the boys never graduated from high school, one of them even have a child out-of-wedlock with his live-in girlfriend, they hold minimum wage jobs, and their future in society do not look bright whatsoever. The only thing I'm thankful for is that they don't use drugs nor break any laws - so far. It's a waste because these kids could do a whole lot better had they lived in a good and solid family support, with the guidance of BOTH parents when they were growing up.

Nhưng mỗi gia đình mỗi khác, vả lại tôi chỉ nghe chuyện có một bên thôi thành ra không biết phải advise BHD21 như thế nào .