Hi all

Reading little bit of everyone's advises, make me think more of my own marriage too..hihihih...And agree w/some good advices that you've to face up/down, love/loveless with your significant other. And agree too that both parties should be blame for.

BB21, I'm sure you have your side of story that none of us here know a/b. I'm some what like you, trouble w/in-laws... but I manage to play around w/their thoughts. I don't like to fight back b/c that would make me turn out just like them, really, if you fight back, you're no better than any of them or your own husband.

Someone advice to separate a while to see if both parties can adapt to the idea. Still let him see the child as normal parents do, but you both just don't live w/ea. other, that way the child still grow up w/love from both parents. That way, both can have time to think what need to be doing, not for the sake of the child but also for both of you.

Remember, no one love you but yourself. So if you think for your kid, best to put yourself up first, until you're happy, then you'll have strength to live and live for your kid.

It'll be a hard road ahead, but I'm sure you can make the best decision for yourself and your baby.

Good luck,
TL

I like the comments from august2011.

We can't conclude anything here, we are here just judging from from what you said, judging from ONE side of the story.

I just want to point out one thing in your story, there's a saying that "tell me your friends then I'll tell you who you are". If you said that all of your husband friends are loser then he must be a loser right?

Are you sure that they are losers? and how do you judge them? How long do you know them?

Let me ask any man in this room feel when you guys friends are called a bunches of losers?

My Friend,
I can see that you are in pain and bitter. Got it!
Regardless of the "OUT"-law & husband, do not even waste your time and energy talking about them. Give them a chance to be jealous of who you are and regrete for their mistakes. In the meantime, try to better yourself and enjoy the quality time with your children. Love yourself, love your family while you trying educate and up bring your children properly. If opportunity arises, go and get your advance education. Eventually they will be nice to you, especially with a MD, JD, or Ph.D. behind your name! If not, at least you are not trapped in a pit, go and market yourself for a better future.

Good Luck!

Thuận vợ thuận chồng tát Biển Đông cũng cạn, rồi mọi khó khăn sẽ qua

you should just kick yr hubby nuts and tell him wat is he thinkin.. tell ur hubby u r the eldest and u act like a little wuzz..kick some azz... btw I love australia, so nice and peaceful,, i wanna marry some australian vietgirl so i can move there...and bbq kangeroo

Things are a little better now. Thanks for all of your advices. I told him I wants separation first but he said he knows we will get back together anyway so there is no point to do so. He's still cold to me but not as much as before. I wonder why he can't just have a gf so I can move on too. He doesn't want to be close or intimate with me emotionally n physically yet he doesn't want to leave. I don't really understand him. If I were him, I would leave. He blames me for not respecting his parents , then why doesn't he let me go if he thinks I'm not good enough for him. Staying with me and not having the same feelings will not be beneficial for my child anyway. I rather have him dumped me then stay with me resentfully. If he hates me so much, why can't he find someone else better? Why does he stay married and not try to make things better. If I were him, either I would leave for good . If I decide to stay, I would try to forget ab the past and work things out with my wife instead of holding a grudge and resent my spouse. Can a guy give me a guys point of view? Pls

[QUOTE=bonghongdo21;9527167]Things are a little better now. Thanks for all of your advices. I told him I wants separation first but he said he knows we will get back together anyway so there is no point to do so. He's still cold to me but not as much as before. I wonder why he can't just have a gf so I can move on too. He doesn't want to be close or intimate with me emotionally n physically yet he doesn't want to leave. I don't really understand him. If I were him, I would leave. He blames me for not respecting his parents , then why doesn't he let me go if he thinks I'm not good enough for him. Staying with me and not having the same feelings will not be beneficial for my child anyway. I rather have him dumped me then stay with me resentfully. If he hates me so much, why can't he find someone else better? Why does he stay married and not try to make things better. If I were him, either I would leave for good . If I decide to stay, I would try to forget ab the past and work things out with my wife instead of holding a grudge and resent my spouse. Can a guy give me a guys point of view? Pls[/QUOTE]

I'm not a guy so I cannot give you a guy's point of view, but even if I were a guy, what is the point? I don't understand why you are handling him your fate. If you want to leave, then leave! Why are you asking for his permission to leave? Why are you wishing that he would leave so you could leave? Makes no sense. It's time to stand up for yourself! If you cannot stand up for yourself then how are you going to stand up for yourself and your child in the future?!

like Fox said, it makes no sense. it is a lot easier to say than done. Look, your thought process want to leave him but you can't leave, you can say whatever you want but you don't put words into actions, it meaningless. There are certain things you can control but there is absolutely no way you can control his actions. You began with last post "things are better now", why not start from there? If you want a good marriage, accept the fact that every marriage has issue, correct what you said or do wrong and go from there. We ain't no expert here, you asks for a dollard, we try to put a couple cents, hopefully everybody contribute 50% and it your part to come up with the other 50%. What happen between you and his mom isn't hard to solve, he is basically holding grude about that situation, if you thinks you are wrong about it, pick up the dam phone and call his mom and apologize for your action and mean it, if you can't do that, there isn't a lot of thing you can do. If you want to stay, learn a new ways to talk, negotiate, debate, argue, whatever you want to do to work on your marriage, and if you want to leave, pack your stuffs and move on. Remember you are 100% accountable for you actions.

It's hard to make peace and easy to make war. In a relationship don't put yourself or the word "I" first, but "we". It's a team effort and not him/her. When a marriage failed, then it's both of you are the the blame.

In your post, I see a lot of I and him and that's why your marriage is failing. You blame him for the worst and yet you aren't doing anything to help the situation.

Divorce/seperation is the last thing you should think about. If both of you don't make this marriage work, what make you think the next guy will? He is trying to holdon to the marriage while you're trying to break it off. You're thinking of yourself too much and you're always think you are right and he always wrong. Right or wrong have nothing to do with keeping the marriage happy and alive. "Lo*`i no'i khong ma^'t tie^`n mua, lu*.a lo+`i no'i cho vu*`a lo`ng nhau"
Communication is the key to happy marriage.
Your husband doesn't want a divorce because he doesn't want your kids growing up thinking it's their fault that their parent left them or his mom/dad doesn't love them.

You should be happy that you still have a marriage and while many wish they could take it back and couldn't.

BongHongDo..

em o nghe nguoi ta noi sao:

Vo*.. co the thay doi? nhu Cha me thi khong the? thay doi?

chong em chon me. thay vi em la dung roi-..
ma hoi? thiet em chuoi? boi gi Me cua him de? nguoi ta ghet em vay... chac em o phai con Dau^^ vua tay dau..

chuc em co mot gia dinh o toan ven.

There is a saying, man can create a House, but only woman can make a home. From what you said, I see your husband is looking for a home, but he's not having it, so he try to compensate by having more friends (he's buying friends)

I see you want to give up, but do you remember why you love him in the first place? I'm sure his love and passion for family is one of his lovely trait to you. So he is the same when you fall in love with you, the only change is that you want him to put you before his parents and family, it will take a very mature man to do that, and a very mature woman to NOT want that. I think you too are still young or act young, so give him and you time to grow up.

Your husband still want to work on your marriage, and I see you do too. You two just need to sit down and talk and have an action plan.

Here is what I love to have if I were him:

- Come home one day a with a happy wife good home cook meal. Be friendly, no need to be mushy with him yet, because you two are still in cold war time. Tell him about your kid day, and your day, don't ask questions

- After the meal, pull him into a corner to talk: here's the rule (has something like a flag, only one with the flag can talk )

1. You are sorry for fighting against his family. You are not wrong in the reason you fight, you just wrong in fighting. Tell him you are ready to apology to his parents
2. Tell him your emotional needs, tell him how you feel, use the word "I" a lot. (Example: I feel abandoned when you do this, I feel jealous when you do that, I wish we could do this together, etc... ) Man is simple, we like to solve problem, tell us what really trouble you and we will do our best to solve that problem
3. Tell him you still have feeling for him and you want your marriage to work
- Depend on his response:
a: he say he still have feeling for you and commit to this marriage --> time for make up s...
b: he start to making demand --> write it down like a contract and tell him you will work on these little by little, but you also have a list of demand for him, this is time for negotiation. Hopefully you two can get to the "a" scenario after all the negotiation done.
c: He want time to think: leave him alone, keep giving a friendly environment at home, until he start to talk.
d: If he refuse to talk--> Tell him in a mature, sober manner (not angry) : "I just want to have an adult conversation with my mature husband."
e: if he say not today, ask him for a date and time so you two can have this adult conversation


Remember you 2 liked each other so much you decide to live together.
Good luck
PM me if you need more assistance