I've been married for 15 years now with 2 kids. My husband goes to quan nhau and sometimes clubbing every week with his single friends and don't come home until early in the morning. We do have a good marriage. He said it's just stress reliever. I really do trust him, so I don't think he's cheating on me. But we all know what goes on at those "quan nhau". And I just can't stand the thought of him thinking a married man could go out as late as he wants without thinking about the family at home. He's been doing this for years now and I am getting to the point I can't ignore it any more. Talking him out of it didn't work. He is a good father to the kids. And he is good to me except I don't think he gives me enough respect by going to those places. What should I do? Is leaving somebody because he goes out too much good enough of a reason? I don't want to leave him but it doesn't like he's going to stop anytime soon. Am I over reacting?

hi sis,

I have to admire of your patience ! :) if i'm married i wouldn't let my husband to those places every week, maybe once in a while. For example, if his friend birthday or a special holiday! ihihi, but not every weekend. hihhihi..

Enough is enough sis, just tell him straight how u feel, if he won't change, and you can't longer accept it , then you have to let him go...I guess.! My older sis is in the same sitiuation like you, and she wanted a divorced. They married for at least 13 years and have two beautiful child. He cooked, clean, good dad, and have a stable job. (very hard worker), the only problem she had w/. him is he drink every weekend :) and couple beer every night. she said she feel very lonely, she wanted a husband who can take her and kids out on the weekend...( he barely take her out eat or take her and kid shopping ;) Because he is too busy drinking on the weekend :)

Now they are just live toghether because of the kids, but she has her own room and he has his own. She wait until he changed if not she is going to get divorce pretty soon. I hope this method work for her :) maybe u can do something about it :) hopefully it will work out for u..

There are lots of conflicting points in your story: if he's been doing that for the 15 years, it's impossible for you two to have a "good marriage", that he's not "cheating" on you (he must wear a condom otherwise you would catch an STD - Sexually Transmitted Disease - by now), that he's a good father (where does he find the time to socialize with the kids), when he finally come home from those outings is he drunk or sober? I'm surprised he hasn't been caught with a DUI. You must be suffering in silence, otherwise you two would have fought tooth and nail every night because I've never heard of a "quiet drunk" before. Usually somebody who drinks is an alcoholic, not because he/she wants a stress reliever.

Remember that you can't change somebody who has a 15-year old habit - good or bad - and ask yourself this question: will I be better off with or without him? before you decide to leave.

BTW, I'm a guy so I know what goes on when single and/or married men go to those types of quán nhậu .

[QUOTE=langbang1112;9211438]There are lots of conflicting points in your story: if he's been doing that for the 15 years, it's impossible for you two to have a "good marriage", that he's not "cheating" on you (he must wear a condom otherwise you would catch an STD - Sexually Transmitted Disease - by now), that he's a good father (where does he find the time to socialize with the kids), when he finally come home from those outings is he drunk or sober? I'm surprised he hasn't been caught with a DUI. You must be suffering in silence, otherwise you two would have fought tooth and nail every night because I've never heard of a "quiet drunk" before. Usually somebody who drinks is an alcoholic, not because he/she wants a stress reliever.

Remember that you can't change somebody who has a 15-year old habit - good or bad - and ask yourself this question: will I be better off with or without him? before you decide to leave.

BTW, I'm a guy so I know what goes on when single and/or married men go to those types of quán nhậu .[/QUOTE]

hahaha which planet are you from man, since when did waitresses all become whores. just because they work in a bar/cafe doesnt make them less human.

its not the quan nhau you gotta worry about, its the clubs and i know all you assholes go there. why else would a sane person walk into a building with no room to walk and people rubbing on you. some get buzz before they go to clubs because the drinks are expensive.....why in the hell do you bother going in the first place? ok i know you clubbers look good and like it when people stare at you but do you really expect to find anything worthwhile and meaningful in there? "but but i just wanna dance" you mean like how you bend over and some dude in the back is dry humping you? you call that dancing lolol

people who drink arent all alcoholics, do you live under a fcking rock?

tuyetvongluv, dress really sexy, serve him beer turn on "international love" dance with him. its not hard, just bend over.

[QUOTE=Deathesy02;9212432]hahaha which planet are you from man, since when did waitresses all become whores. just because they work in a bar/cafe doesnt make them less human.

For somebody to make a statement like that, you must be as ignorant as you sound. But since you didn't know that these places exist both in the US and VN, there's no need for me to carry on a conversation with you. Like talking to a fvcking wall !!!

If your marriage is good, He's good to you, he's good to your kids, he's working, helping you with the bills, put food and light at the table and a little saving for retirement. Sometime that is a good thing for both. A minute you start suspicious, your marriage will have issue. Here is one thing, it will get old for him and his buddies one day. If he's cheating on you, he's already did anyway, it doesn't matter where and when. People live doulble lifes, sometime it helps your marriage. If you want to stop him, don't just all of the certain completely shut him down. Find ways to talk him out of it little by little. I don't know how but there are ways.

Sometimes it is difficult to change a habit, especially the one that is enjoyable. Your husband's weekend drinking/clubbing is truly unadmirable, but it doesn't warrant drastic measures like divorce or separation now. However, his thoughtless action must stop; otherwise it will ruin your marriage. I understand that you had talked to him about this, and it was to no avail. Yet, I don't see any other way to resolve this. Perhaps, it is time for you to seriously consider why is he going there? Why does he prefer spending time with his friends at the club rather than with you and children at home? What stress is he trying relieved. Ask him what is really bothering him? Boredom in marriage? Too much responsibilities? Talk to him calmly and try to learn as much as you can. Try to validate his feeling and don't be too judgmental or overact! It seems that he is unhappy. You two have been married for 15 years, so it is easy to feel bored and overwhelmed. Find ways to make life more exciting (like dress up and seduce him); pay attention to his needs and wants. Plan to have frequent family outing, doing something new, exploring places together. Ask the kids to help! Don't aim to change him all at once, and let him hang around with his friend once a while..Be patience, and really listen to him when you two talk. Good luck!

[QUOTE=langbang1112;9212534][QUOTE=Deathesy02;9212432]hahaha which planet are you from man, since when did waitresses all become whores. just because they work in a bar/cafe doesnt make them less human.

For somebody to make a statement like that, you must be as ignorant as you sound. But since you didn't know that these places exist both in the US and VN, there's no need for me to carry on a conversation with you. Like talking to a fvcking wall !!![/QUOTE]

oh my bad i must have missed the part where she said her husband gets out of work, book a flight to vietnam, gets there in half an hour and comes back before 10.

Well, if he love you, love the kids, and look like he makes money too right?

Sit down and talk, but divorce? Nah!