*DomDo'm*, that's a bit too extreme for a "helping comment".

On the other hand, I do see something abnormal about cumgetit's family.

Your husband's siblings (with family and kids of their own) don't feel any guilt by seeing one man paying for the bills all family gatherings? The parents may have authority at home, but at a restaurant, the siblings could have taken over the checks.

Why was there a need for your hubby and his siblings to go for blood test? This could have further worsen the relationship with the parents.

My take on this is just treat it as part of your life and stop thinking about it too much. Your husband's family is mistreating him, but he does not choose family, no one does. The only way to go over it is to accept it. If the cost of having a family and make your husband happy is to pay for family dinners every time, so be it. You both work and although you're not rich, but you're not poor either. Probably in your husband's mind, there are plenty of other people out there who want to pay for dinners with mom, dad, siblings but they never had one to do so.

The more you confront your husband about his family, the more of a strain relationship you have with him and will probably go to the point that you will lose him. It's just not worth the trouble to fight for something you know you won't win. Accept it!

My hubby decided to go through with the DNA test because he told me that since he was a kid, his parents always mistreated him. They would outwardly favour all the other children and would mentally and physically abuse him. This certainly hurt him and for a long time he always thought that he was unworthy to be loved by anyone. Then, I came into the picture and filled up some of the emptiness in his heart and we have been together ever since. But what truly triggered the DNA procedure was when my mother in law told us that she was not interested in babysitting our son so that I could return to work. She said that "there is no room in her house for our son!" But she is happily looking after all the other grandkids, but not our son!

So my hubby came home very upset, cos he probably thought, now is son is being treated badly too, not just him. I guess that straw kind of pulled the trigger.

A few weeks later, Hubby asked his brothers to visit the private DNA clinic in Sydney, initially they'd refused, but in the end they all went. The three brothers did the DNA test and it turned out that they all share the same paternal linenage up to 99.996%. So now we know the truth!

In retrospect, I think some of you are right, it's my hubby that my in laws do not like and the fact that I am a Christian, which does add a lot to the fire!

But my parents in laws would always make derogatory comments like Christians are unclean as they eat meat while Buddhists are better since they do not eat meat. My mother in law would make verbal comparisons about my hubby and his brothers saying that his brothers are better than my hubby since they are devout buddhists. Basically, they just portray that they are holier than Christians, which I think is wrong, cos people should never say such a thing in the first place regardless of their religion.

I mostly stay out of religion matter but apperently, your in-laws have zero knowledge about Buddism. Don't let those little things you can't control bother you, they will make your day go very long.

Talk to your husband to see if there is another way out .......it is going be hell for you if you have to face them often. Not all grandparents are loving grandparents. Some of them are just haters ...they will make a living hell out of you if they dónt like you but have control of your spouse. They navigate spouse instead. We are human after all, selfish and greedỵ

Do what you think is right ....come here to vent if you need to .... Cheer.

Wow!! sorry I am not able to finish ready the conflict of you and Hoa...but this is what I would do if I were you.


This is what I would do... break your expenses into multiple account. Priority your list and whatever extra let him do whatever he wants. Beside look at the big picture, count your bless that you are financially idependent and you will be better off then those sis/bro-in-law in 10 or 20 years in the future. Your husband love you very much that why he go against his parents will to marry you. Why not save his face by kiss your in-law....?!?!?!? to help him prove that his parents was wrong about you. Look at the cup half full not empty and be happy.

I usually dont posts comments but this thread seems rather interesting. I really dont understand why people care too much about their in-laws. Fortunately, my in-laws are nice enough, and live far from us. We only have to talk to them on the phone once a month and dont have to go visit on holidays. My husband is the one who is in your shoes. Some how, my mom started hating him for something he didnt do. He doesnt let it get to him though. He just ignores her, which I dont mind because she is the unreasonable one. I still talk to her or visit her once in awhile, but I dont insist my husband come along. In fact, I dont even mention it to him because I dont want to make him feel uncomfortable. I think quarreling about in laws is the most stupidest thing. Its not worth putting a strain on your relationship. I am not going to go into details about my life, but I have an adopted mom whom I lived with since I was a baby, and I have an older adopted sister. When she gave birth to all 4 children, my adopted mom took care of her for a month. Now its my turn getting pregnant, yet, she wont even be here when I give birth, and its my first baby. Guess what? I dont even care! Ai lo thi lo, kg thi thoi. My adopted mom takes care of my older sister very well but never once have I questioned why I dont get that special treatment. I guess I am just concerned about my own family. As long as I can provide necessities for my own child, I dont need anyones help. If my parents/in laws were to give me second hand items, I would nicely say thank you and turn around and toss it in the trash, and wouldnt even think twice.

[QUOTE=cumgetit;9283181]Dear: Hoacucvang

Quote: "It is unfortunate that you and your in law dont get along for whatever the issues were. However, base on what i read from your post it does sound like you are jealous of your brothers in law."

I am not jealous of them at all, I do not agree with the way my parents in law treat my hubby and children so unfairly, especially when we are always the first people they'd call whenever they need anything. Hence, I do not think that suffer from the "treat me mean keep me keen" syndrome. Treat my little family properly, then you ask me for the world. Yes, it is as simple as that!


Quote: "You and your husband both have a good jobs and able to support yourself and your family but still wants parents in law to support your family. Do
you really want to be supported by your parents in law??? Do you really want to be a burden for your in laws? You are old enough to be married and have kids then of course dont expect anyone to support your family? Do you expect the same from your own parents i.e provide shelter, pay for all your bills etc?"

No, we are middle income earners, with tertiary education, we struggle but we can afford to look after ourselves and each other. However, what my parents inlaw said to us initially was that we were not welcome to live with them, but they welcomed all their other children to live with them after their children got married! I did not like the fact that we were being singled out specically and targeted. FYI, my hubby's brothers and their wives, all have jobs. They all work. My mother in law cooks and cleans after them, even until this day. Interestingly, my hubby and I "never" asked the parents in laws if we could live with them, it was "them" who uttered those words first!

Quote: "I am approximately the same age as you are."

And what age are you???

Quote: "When i was single and lived at home with my parents, I had to help out as well. When i was at university i had a part time job, although the income was not that much but I helped my parents by contributing a few hundred dollars a month just to help them to pay the bills."

Lol, good for you. When I was twenty I had two jobs, I live with my mother, step-father and my three step siblings. My step-father always made me pay $500 a week for living in his house. That was $2000 a month. I never had much money for myself after that, so yes I "do" know about so called "contributions".

As for my hubby who lived at home with his parents, he told me that he had to contribute aswell, but once again he was singled out, all of his siblings "did not" contribute at all. How's that for double standards??? Can anyone be a little more blatant than that???

Quote: "As soon i got married, i moved out and bought my own place, i dont complaint why my in law dont take me in like yourself. Not only that, sometime we give some money to our parents including my husband's parents so they can spend on whatever they like."

Well, that's good, you're pious to the utmost level.

Quote: "If your father in law doesnt earn that much, so are you implying that he steals from the temple??? It is very bad of you for making such assumption about your father in law when you dont even know the fact."

Yes, and the truth is ugly. Is it not???

Quote: "Maybe your brother in laws do pays your parents in law some money to pay the bills? If they dont they they should be ashame of themselves."

No, they do not pay for the bills. My father in law told us that he was the one paying for them, since he told us that he wanted to look after his children and their families "properly". I guess we have to believe his words, since he is a "devout buddhist" after all.

Quote: "My parents dont really work but they able to go overseas once a year because normally when they go overseas they dont spend that much like we do. Also whenever they go we always give them some money to spend as well."

I was honestly going to pay for my hubby's parents trip to VN last year. But, what my mother in law said about my son, was in fact unacceptable. So I peddled back. Like I said, treat my family with a hint of consideration, then you can have anything in my world. However, if my hubby and children are being blatantly discriminated, then what is there to ask of me?

Quote: "what are the ultility bills? electricity, gas and water, and phone? Are you exagerating? I live in Australia too and i have 5 people in my household 2 adults and 3 kids and i dont pay anywhere close to that much? electricity approx $1500/year, gas $1000/year, water service and usage max $1500/year, phone $600/year. So add all up it is no where near $20k....so base on that I think you must be exaggerating on everything else as well."

Really??? I must then learn from you, since I have been trying hard to reduce our leakages. But I have been unsuccessful. I shall tell you what I have been paying ok and I will add them in annual terms:

(a) Childcare: $12000 (ie: $300 a week for 40 weeks for two boys) (they go to private family daycare)
(b) Electricity: $2000 (ie $500 a quarter for 4 quarters)
(c) Gas: $1200 ($100 a month for 12 months)
(d) Home and contents insurance: $1000 a year with Commonwealth Bank
(e) Water bills: $1200 a year
(f) Council rates: $1600 a year
(g) Private health insurance: $2000 a year (@ $80 a fortnight with MBF)
(h) Registration, greenslip & comprehensive insurance for car 1 (sedan): $1300 a year
(i) Registration, greenslip & comprehensive insurance for car 2 (suv): $1500 a year
(j) Petrol for two cars: $3600 a year (@ ~ $70 a week)
(k) Train ticket for hubby: $2600 a year (@ $50 a week)
(l) Internet: $1200 a year (ie $100 a month)
(m) Cell/mobile: $720 a year ($60 a month)

I need to stop here cos the total is over 30k already, not to mention I have not included money for mortgage, groceries, gifts, pocket money for myself and hubby, accidentals, miscellaneous items, ect, the list is endless! You probably do not pay for so many things. But I do, are I not lucky?

FYI, in my little family, I handle and pay all the bills, my hubby is only in charge of the mortgage.

Quote: "It is hard to believe any parents would hate the daughter in law just because she has different religion especially they are buddist. My understanding that buddist they are more open in term of accepting other religions. Maybe you need to look at yourself, your personality to have a better understanding of why you dont have a good relationship with your parents in law."

You sound very naive if you think that people do not do that. Well, I know for a fact that my Catholic religion is the backbone of my in law's hatred towards myself and my sons who were proudly baptised as Catholics. Ironically, it was the Christian countries that brought, welcomed, nurtured and educated all the Vietnamese boat people back in the 70s, 80s and early 90s. Yet, my in laws do not like Christians at all, is Australia not a predominantly Christian country???

What should we call this in Vietnamese? "An chen da bat"???

Quote: "from reading your post, i have the following understanding
1) you are jealous of your brother in laws
2) you assume/think that your father in law steals from the temple
3) you are fit and healthy and have a good job but still expect old parents in law who hardly earn enough to support you (greedy and unconsidered)
4) you exaggerated about how much you pay for ultility bills. Hence, your story is full of exaggeration.
5) you are materialistic!! The thought that count when someone give you something. Your parents in law bought your kids something as a gifts...all you care is about how expensive the gifts are."

When the other grandkids were borm, my parents in laws brought them everything, basically the whole baby's nursery which cost over a thousand dollars.

When my first born son was born, he'd received a whole bag of second hand clothes which had holes in them, and two cotton outfits which were so thin and were not suitable for winter as our son was born in winter. Then came the grandkids birthdays and christmas (being such devout buddhists, my in laws love celebrating Christmas!), my sons would receive inexpensive presents which were bought from the bargain stores that cost about $10 while all the other gradnkids would get a $200 present from Toys R Us.

This is too blatant for my pallet!

Put yourself in my shoes now, and tell me how would you feel about that??? Do you like your sons or kids to be treated like that? What kind of a parent are you if that is your preference???

Quote: "Sorry the truth might not easy to hear....but this is my understanding from your post. I might be wrong but this is how i see it.."

You are wrong!

Quote: "For your own happiness with your husband i think you should step back and try to have a good understanding why your relationship with your in laws so bad instead of making assumption that just because you are catholic instead of buddist."

It is the religion, not my personality. My in laws detest my hubby, my sons and me of course.

I remember one time, my mother in law called up my hubby a few days before Christmas, I had already, bought and wrapped many presents for the in laws as I am always organised and super prepared. She told us not to come over on xmas day they are not celebrating anything that year. Anyway, we came over on Xmas day around lunch time cos we wanted to see them. Guess what we'd witnessed??? They were actually having a Christmas party with all their favourite children and grandchildren! My father in law was so embarrassed, he'd ran upstairs to hide. My mother in law tried to make things better by asking us:
" Bay gio co do an con du ne, tui bay co muon an khong?"
(we have leftovers, do you want some?")

My hubby was upset and devasted. That was our Christmas that year!

Quote: "I am sure your husband loves his parents as much as you love your own parents and for sure you would not like him to have such a bad relationship with your side."

Oh yes, my hubby is very considerate and pious, sometimes to his own disadvantage.

As for my family, my step-father is an evil man, everyone knows that. He'd scammed off me $80k and has not returned it.

Quote: "Just put yourself into his shoes and you can feel/see his feeling."

Emphathy is what I have, but atm I am overwhelmingly exhausted. I just do not want to bear witness to such treatment being directed at my hubby and my sons. I do not care if it is just me, cos I know I am just an outsider.

Quote: "I hope one day you will have a good relationship with your in laws....."

Wishful thinking, perhaps "pigs can fly"???[/QUOTE]

this can of sprite im drinking cost 75 cents from the vending machine outside my motel room, if i drank 2 can a day it would add up to a buck fifty per day. there are 30 days in some months so i would spend 45 bucks per month that have 30 days in them. 365 days in a year or 52 weeks whichever you prefer. 7 days in a week 24 hours in a day, if i drank one can every 12 hour that would be a 75 cents every 12 hour. 12 months in a year so if you divide 12 months by a quarter you would have 3 months. christmas is in december and halloween is in october hmmk so i would spend over 500 bucks per year on cans of sprite from vending machines.

then i eat 1 bag of chips every two days and they each cost two bucks each.........

lol you're very calculative